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Original poster

AIBU to find this article incredibly depressing

59 replies

SerenityNowakaBleh · 04/02/2010 09:28

Here, about the women with GD
I'm sorry, but the woman in the article (IMO) comes across as very materialistic and self-absorbed. she wants a girl because she wants to dress her in pink and do girly stuff. And the analogy that she uses to explain all of this to her sons, that it's like if you kept on getting the same Action Man. But children aren't action men, they're individuals and should be treated and loved as such. They're not your possession.

I despair

OP posts:
morningpaper · 04/02/2010 09:30

depressing

why would you make this PUBLIC? So horrid

EleanoraBuntingCupcake · 04/02/2010 09:31

'It?s probably similar to how you feel if you can?t have children and someone tells you that she?s pregnant'

silly c*nt

morningpaper · 04/02/2010 09:32

horrid

nickytwotimes · 04/02/2010 09:32

Yanbu.

Gender disappointment? Ffs.

I think htere was a thread about a tv programme about this 'condition' .

ToccataAndFudge · 04/02/2010 09:37

couldn't read it all - depressing stuff.

mind - my parents had friends when we were kids who had 5 boys (including) twine - and did try for another in the hopes of a girl (nothing to that extent though - just "lets make an baby and hope it's a girl") - they did get their girl...............and she grew up to be a real tomboy.

woodyandbuzz · 04/02/2010 09:47

I'm not sure. It must be very difficult to have those sort of feelings as they are pretty taboo IMO.

With both mine, I did not mind at all what sex they were, I just wanted them. However, having had a boy and then getting pregnant again, the majority of my family wanted me to have a girl. My dad and my MIL particularly were virtually praying for DC2 to be a girl. (MIL hadn't had a girl herself and even aged 70 she talks about it every time I see her - my DH was supposed to be her girl )

I just wanted to know the sex so that I knew whether to give DS's baby clothes to a family member who'd had a boy or whether to keep them

My DC2 is a girl, and people in general really think it is some sort of amazing thing to have one of each, I get comments all the time. I find it totally bizarre, I just wanted 2 childre. In fact, DD is wearing a lot of DS's hand me downs anyway (much to the dismay of my dad!)

WhatNoLunchBreak · 04/02/2010 09:51

YANBU - I find the attitude espoused by the woman in the article self-indulgent and egotistical even as she might be completely unaware of how she comes across.

The whole idea of wanting a mini-me is fraught with potential dysfunction: not seeing the child as a separate person; wanting to live vicariously through a daughter to fufil unmet needs; wanting a daughter to conform to your own ideas of what it is to be a girl, and to play along with fantasies of a mother-daughter bond. Utterly, utterly FUBAR.

StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 09:54

she has a 1yo and a 4mo and is ttc??
poor boys

oldraver · 04/02/2010 09:55

Ok I am prepared to be flamed here. I didnt read all the article but it seems like she has had several complete pg's. Had she had a few m/c's,otehr losses, pregnancy problems etc then I doubt Gender disappointment would be high on her list

To me its a luxury a lot of people cant afford

woodyandbuzz · 04/02/2010 09:56

No Stealth - the baby is 4 weeks old !!

Original poster
SerenityNowakaBleh · 04/02/2010 09:57

This bit is also particularly depressing
"A daughter would be an extension of herself, she says. ?Why should wanting to choose the gender of your children be so wrong? In life we have choices. We can choose where we live, the car we buy, the clothes we buy.? I throw out the cliché that babies are not accessories but Michelle, like many others, cannot understand why that choice should be legally denied to her."

FFS

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 09:58

yes, a baby is just another commodity!
ah 4 weeks - so presumably not ttc just yet??

heading4home · 04/02/2010 10:00

The statement:
'It?s probably similar to how you feel if you can?t have children and someone tells you that she?s pregnant'
makes me want to scream at her

And if she does "get" a girl next, what if she gets a girl like me - I wanted to be a boy, would only wear boy's clothes and do "boy" things. Is she going to force her to wear pink and play with barbies so she is an "extension of herself"???

Ack ack ack

Clumsymum · 04/02/2010 10:00

It's another example of people regarding a child as a commodity.

Just like a single person who decides she wants a baby saying "I have a right to have a child", and looks for someone to donate sperm (either medically or thru a one-night stand).

SolidGoldBrass · 04/02/2010 10:08

What the hell are these stupid bitches going to do if they have a DD who
*doesn't like pink
*wants to play football
*grows up to be a butch dyke?

I think they are a horrible example of how badly childhood is gendered these days - people are people and their expectations are of such rigid gender roles that I would imagine all their DC will end up miserable at some point.

OrmRenewed · 04/02/2010 10:10

Ha! Hope she gets a tomboy who despises all things feminine.

GochaGocha · 04/02/2010 10:16

Maybe she should adopt one of the millions of unwanted girls languishing in Chinese orphanages? Or Asian girls with no life chances because their parents will not educate, or even feed them adequately because it's all 'wasted on a girl'?

FFS

As if the world did not already have enough sorrow when poverty and gender oppression mean children become a commodity to their parents.

Get a Baby Annabel for this woman.

wukter · 04/02/2010 10:16

How horrible for her 2 sons to be the objects of "disappointment".

When I was a child I asked my dad would he have preferred if one of us (4 girls) had been a boy. He said "I wouldn't change a hair on your head, any of you." It was lovely and has stuck with me to this day, 20+ years later.

Original poster
SerenityNowakaBleh · 04/02/2010 10:16

the reverse kind of happened to SIL, who wanted a tomboy-ish girl, but ended up with my niece who was the girliest toddler ever; everything was pink, sparkly and covered in feathers (she's calmed down a bit now, but still seriously into pink and purple).

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 10:18

Clumsymum, I don't agree with that, I think the biological urge to have a child can be overwhelming, especially if you feel you don't have much time.

Bathsheba · 04/02/2010 10:19

I have 3 girls (and absolutely no GD) but my eldest is a HUGE tomboy - she is 6 and refuses to wear anything "pretty", hands any "girlie" toys she receives immediately to her sister, we have to buy her "boys" clothes because she wants tshirts with Lightning McQueen etc on them.....

She is wonderful and beautiful and she may become girlie as she gets older and discovers boys, but having a child who is "a girl" does not in any way mean you'll automatically get a "girlie girl" whose hair you can do and who you can dress in pink...

GochaGocha · 04/02/2010 10:23

Maybe she should turn her energies to one of the many charities working to bring educational opportunities to girls in South Asia and Africa, and learn what it means to be a girl in so much of the world! Their lives are really lacking in pink and fluffy, I can tell you.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/02/2010 10:25

The line in the article about women not being made to feel guilty gets to me. Yes, by all means, feel how you want to feel, but don't appear in TV programmes and in articles which one day you poor sons will read. FFS.

It strikes me that this is a psychological issue, something like a delusional state. As such, I have some sympathy. But it should be treated accordingly, not by having more babies.

heQet · 04/02/2010 10:29

She says she was raised by her father and it seems she's got this idea of the mother / daughter relationship in her head. It seems she wants a daughter to create what she never had as a child. However, isn't the logical follow on from that is that she'll want the daughter to do all the things she wanted to do / wasn't good enough at? It'll be baby modelling, beauty comps... one of those living her life through her daughter situations? the pressure on that girl (if she gets one) will be HUGE! What when she's a stroppy teen? Or if she isn't the 'curl up on the sofa with mum and paint your nails together' type?

I think that one's got huge issues about not growing up with her mother. It's sad.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/02/2010 10:31

heQet - I agree. In fact, I think the very fact that a person is so obsessed about this is a red light saying that they may have issues relating to the past that they should address before ttc and loading it all onto their DCs.