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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find this article incredibly depressing

59 replies

SerenityNowakaBleh · 04/02/2010 09:28

Here, about the women with GD
I'm sorry, but the woman in the article (IMO) comes across as very materialistic and self-absorbed. she wants a girl because she wants to dress her in pink and do girly stuff. And the analogy that she uses to explain all of this to her sons, that it's like if you kept on getting the same Action Man. But children aren't action men, they're individuals and should be treated and loved as such. They're not your possession.

I despair

OP posts:

Antdamm · 04/02/2010 10:33

Sse burst into tears when she had her scan and it showed she was having a boy - a close friend of mine did the exact same. She had one boy, tried for a girl - discovered it was a boy - she was completely distraught. 6 weeks after giving birth to her second son, she started ttc as she was so desperate for a girl, she told her husband that she was on the pill. She got her little girl in the end.....

Antdamm · 04/02/2010 10:36

I feel sorry for all her sons, especially the youngest. As I expect she will be pregnant again very soon. How sad must it be to grow up knowing that your Mum wanted a girl and all she got was you

GochaGocha · 04/02/2010 10:42

I suppose you are right Jamie. It could be argued she probably has deeper issues driving this bizzare behaviour. But how forgiving would we feel if this was a man pressuring his wife to have another to get a boy?

There is also a societal issue here though, which is what makes women so unhappy in this way? (Full disclosure -- I have two DSs)

I am with SGB here. Childhood is increasingly gendered and we see children as avenues for consumption and self-expression. Not good for them or us, I fear.

slightlystressed · 04/02/2010 10:45

If this woman does have a girl, she will be spoilt rotten and probably end up being a complete bratty princess.

How retched for her baby son to find out in years to come that she burst into tears at the scan!

What a selfish woman.
She should be sterilised.

wukter · 04/02/2010 10:46

Just thought - wasn't there a thread on here a few weeks ago by an Interesting First Poster about travelling to the US to choose gender by assisted conception. Can't remember the details now.

MrsC2010 · 04/02/2010 10:55

Urgh.

GochaGocha · 04/02/2010 10:59

Aha, HeQet we X-posted. Didn't read that far as got too bleeping angry with her. Deffo, that is it.

JaneS · 04/02/2010 11:00

I thought the worst thing was what she said to her son - 'it's like when you have lots of Action men and want something different'! WTF - does that men all her sons are carbon-copies of each other then?

Mind you, I'm comforted by the thought that, with five big brothers, if she does have a girl said girl may very well turn out to be a big tomboy.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/02/2010 13:10

Gocha - I have also got two DSs, and it does give an interesting slant on the whole gender-stereotyping of boys issue.

My two are very different from each other. If I had one of each, I might be tempted to put some of their character traits down to their gender, whereas actually, it's down to temperament and birth order.

People are very quick to say "boys are this and girls are that". Frankly, I am quite glad I'm not having to confront all the princessy pink culture stuff that seems so strong at the moment.

So I agree with you and SGB on that as well.

ChippingIn · 04/02/2010 20:06

Clumsymum - wtf?? So, it's ok for you to want a child because you have a partner, but if a single person wants a child it's a commodity??? Get the fuck over yourself.

cloelia · 04/02/2010 20:10

Perhaps she would like to meet an acquaintance of mine. Three sons. Then has identical twin girls. Miracle! Oh dear, both lovely girls have Spinal Muscular Atrophy and are physically disabled and in wheelchairs by the age of six. Be careful what you wish for. PS I have not heard her complain ONCE. (And I speak of one of four girls whose DP is one of five boys.)

cloelia · 04/02/2010 20:11

AS one not of one.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 04/02/2010 20:11

God, I am so saddened and angry about all the threads on this theme lately; it is just SO wrong on so many levels, all of which you lovely people have already expressed very articulately. I cannot summon the energy to rant about the awfulness of this attitude yet again after recent threads so will confine myself to saying

WHAT

ARSE

and very for her little ones.

coldtits · 04/02/2010 20:12

Her younger sons are going to have the self esteem of a snail. It's clear they weren't wanted.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 04/02/2010 20:12

Action Men, FFS

pointydog · 04/02/2010 20:14

yanbu. depressing as hell. GD - what a load of shite

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/02/2010 20:15

just have to say - it's completely different to a single woman planning to have a child. That's a pretty shit thing to say.

Ripeberry · 04/02/2010 20:15

If she does have a girl, lets hope she grows up to be a tomboy, who hates pink, likes playing in the mud, hates dresses, loves boys toys and hates having her hair done up!
Sounds like me when I was a kid. My mum wanted so much to do 'nice' things with my long hair that I rebelled and cut it short (was only 7yrs old).

pointydog · 04/02/2010 20:17

I think the irrational desire for a girl (or boy) is probably best kept private and not talked about at great length, to be frank.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 04/02/2010 20:23

Isn't anyone going to join me on my unreasonable vigilante rampage?

Together we can rid society of people who think children are toys! Take up your cudgels!

EdgarAllenSnow · 04/02/2010 20:26

this is a display of not-entirely irrational desire - she wants a girl - a lot of people do to some small extent!

i think you need to note that she prefers 'gender desire' - she doesn't say she is disappointed in her boys. There are boys on this plant less well cared for than her well fed little ones are. Let us reserve our anger and pity for them....and get our judgy pants back in the wardrobe. To condemne a person for emotions that aren't entirely under their control (very evidently) without evidence she is neglecting her boys (TTC is hardly a sign of neglect!)

i find it interesting that, for once, it is the pursuit of girls rather than boys (now how many of us have had older relatives say things like 'oh no, another girl' or 'oh, you must be so pleased to have a boy at last'.) that motivates this woman - especially all too often you hear of girls neglected education, food, any parental love at all in favour of their little brother.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 04/02/2010 20:35

I dunno EAS, I disagree. To have a preference is not in itself a crime, of course -- it is very common.

It's about how people express it and how they attempt to justify it, and the way that it implies their existing children may not be good enough ... that's where I feel it is desperately sad.

I don't know if you have seen the other thread about "8 boys and wanting a girl"? Or the other recent one, where the OP talks about how she is praying her gender scan is wrong because she really wants a girl and doesn't want to "face up to" having a boy? The preference for girls is not actually that uncommon, not here in the UK at the moment anyway; both threads demonstrate that with lots of examples. In any case, whichever way a gender preference goes, it isn't healthy or reasonable to build it up and encourage people to dwell on it and risk hurting their other DCs emotionally. Wrong and reprehensible IMO.

kitkatsforbreakfast · 04/02/2010 20:46

I think she sounds like a very sad, dissatisfied woman who is unable to get fulfillment out of her life for what it is, but relies on her children for her own life.

I know many people who live their lives vicariously through their children (forcing them to do ballet/drama/whatever to fulfil their own thwarted dreams). It is very sad, and can be very damaging to the children.

When I was pregnant with ds2 I was often asked by people if I would go on to have a 3rd, to 'try for a girl'. ds2 hadn't even been born!

I now have 3 dc, 2 ds's and 1 dd. I have 3 completely different and individual children. So far, their gender is not apparent to me, beyond the shallowness of skirts vs trousers.

maryz · 04/02/2010 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foreverastudent · 04/02/2010 21:03

MN off Tv on

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