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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to this?

34 replies

fernie3 · 03/02/2010 16:51

My husband just called to say they have had some kind of computer based disaster and he would be late home (he normally gets home about 7:00-7:30) he has no idea how late just late as they need to fix it tonight.
He then said "oh and I will probably have a guest with me". One of the other guys who works there gets the train quite a long way to work and would likely miss the last train if he stayed late.

Now normally I would probably have said ok BUT today is just awful timing! I had to run up to the school to get my daughter at lunch time as she has suddenly developed a high temp, awful cough and sore throat she has been crying and wanting to be hugged most of the afternoon. The house is a TIP because I started some reorganization and decorating this morning before the school called which I havent been able to finish because of my daughter being ill. We dont have a spare bedroom so the sofa bed is in the playroom, for him to sleep on it I would have to tidy up and clear the room to pull it out. He also seemed to expect me to whip up a meal a meal for everyone.I told my husband he would have to stay somewhere else either at someone elses or a bed and breakfast. My actual words were "no way is that happening".

but now I feel unreasonable - was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/02/2010 16:55

a little bit, but I'd have done exactly the same. The 'right' thing to do would be to say "Oh how lovely" with a huge smile (and mean it) and see the tidying etc as no big deal. For some reason everyone else doesn't have a problem with that but I do.

sb6699 · 03/02/2010 16:56

I think you are being a teensy bit U tbh.

Yes, its pita but its obviously a one-off and your dh is trying to be a nice guy offering his friend somewhere to stay.

If your embarrassed by the mess you could always ask your dh to point out that your are re-organising things but tbh the guy probably wont even notice and will be grateful to have somewhere to lay his head.

Tell them to grab a take-away on the way home and then you dont have to worry about cooking for them.

StealthPolarBear · 03/02/2010 16:56

oooh take away, good idea
or frozen pizza

emsyj · 03/02/2010 16:57

A bit mean maybe. It probably wouldn't have been much fun for him either, but if he can't get home then it's got to be better than being told to go to a B&B. I wouldn't have turned him away, but then I don't have a child (yet - one on way) and am generally quite relaxed about visitors. And we have a spare room, and house is relatively tidy at the moment thanks to a sudden 'nesting' moment last weekend. Think in general it's nice to do people favours and put yourself out for them, but I'm sure lots of other people will say YANBU.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2010 17:02

yabu, what the heck is wrong with you ? It's only for one night...

takeout curry/pizza, a few beers

dd on sofa with blanket

quick tidy-round and set up bed in playroom...job done (this bloke will not notice if your house is messy, I guarantee it)

they are going to be late back, so you don't need to socialise for long...just go to bed early with dd, pleading a headache if you like

he will just be grateful , that is all...not nice to stay in a skanky b+b

Original poster
fernie3 · 03/02/2010 17:03

sigh
you are right, it is mean. I suppose I better go start sorting things. It will teach me not to mess things up all at once. Well at least I might get chip shop chips out of it!

OP posts:
WhatNoLunchBreak · 03/02/2010 17:04

I agree with other posters here - you don't need to tidy up. Just warn him about the mess and the fact that you won't be around; throw him a blanket ... and ask them to pick up a take-away on the way home.

LoveBeingAMummy · 03/02/2010 17:05

Call your dp and say you've changed your mind, agree re they can bring a take away home with them. You'll get brownie poins

Dirtgirl · 03/02/2010 17:06

I think you were being a bit unreasonable, but I can understand why. I'd hate it and feel embarrassed at the state of the house. I'm one of those people who have to do a massive tidy up if people are coming round (normally house is a tip). However, it was only for one night and the guy was in a difficult situation, and I don't think blokes notice mess like women do (sweeping generalisation emoticon).

LeQueen · 03/02/2010 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeaTheStars · 03/02/2010 17:09

that is really the best thing about living in a squalid, foetid mess tho - only people who absolutely love you will choose to stay there again and again, so it might be enough to put him off next time?

kamsmum · 03/02/2010 17:12

YABU. But I would have said no and then worried afterwards, just like you.

It's true, he won't notice the mess and won't expect to be entertained - he will just be grateful for your hospitality.

StealthPolarBear · 03/02/2010 17:15

am i odd? wouldrather stay in b&b than colleague's sofa? privacy, not feeling like you have to ask to make a coffee / put the tv on. can read a book instead of making polite small talk, have as long a shower as you like without worrying about inconveniencing your hosts.
unsociable i know

SolidGoldBrass · 03/02/2010 17:15

Hang on, the OP has a sick kid. Perfectly good reason for refusing to have an unexpected guest in the house - 'Sorry Friend, but DD is ill so it's not a good time, she'll be boaking all night.'

nancydrewrocks · 03/02/2010 17:17

YABU but now you recognise it call DH and say it's fine. If he is not too late back chances are your DH's colleague will treat you all to the take out suggested!

CrowAndAlice · 03/02/2010 17:19

Yes Stealth i'd rather rinse my grundies out in private...

Original poster
fernie3 · 03/02/2010 17:19

Ok well I called him and aparently they guy has arrange for his girlfriend to drive him home so panic over.

feeling very very "witchy" now and I dont like it . My husband laughed but now I am trying to think of something nice to make it up!.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/02/2010 17:20

stealth, me too, tbh in these circumstances

but not everyone is as anti-social as us

SpeedyGonzalez · 03/02/2010 17:21

I don't see what the problem is. It's bad timing for you. If your DH's friend is staying at work late to sort out a work problem, why can't the company just pay for an overnight at a nearby hotel? I would consider that the first port of call, and then staying with a mate would be a bonus second option.

YANBU.

SpeedyGonzalez · 03/02/2010 17:22

You are stalking me again, AnyFucker. Don't pretend you're not just because you posted first - you knew I was about to click 'send'. Grr.

FimBOW · 03/02/2010 17:26

Another anti-social person here.

gorionine · 03/02/2010 17:33

I would have said yes but would definitely have started to panic about all the tidying to do as soon as hung up the phone.

I actually think if your DD is poorly you have extra excuses to say "no" as the timing is not really that good indeed.

ImSoNotTelling · 03/02/2010 17:40

I wouldn't like it but would say OK in an emergency. If they had nowhere else to go. Obviously. Would make him see if there was anyhting else they could do first though.

If I was the mate i would rather stay at BnB too TBH.

clam · 03/02/2010 17:43

Whilst it's a pain to have last-minute guests sprung on you, it's nevertheless a bit of a brake on letting the house get too much of a tip.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2010 19:55

speedy, don't flatter yaself

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