To be sick people criticising my lifestyle choices?

[AKMD]

So, I am in my early twenties, went to university, got married, am 35 weeks with DC1, have a great job and just bought my first house with DH. Why is that so offensive to some people?! I am so sick of justifying my decision to not spend 'the best part of my life' partying, getting drunk, sleeping around and buying the latest handbag to random eople who think I have no life. I do have a life, it's just not the exact carbon copy of what everyone else is doing. Ad heaven forbid that I should voice my opinion that the reason that their life sucks and they have so many problems is because they refuse to take any responsibility for themselves because then I'm a snob ARGGGHHHHH

I obviously can't type - early morning rage

people are weird - i had my ds at 23. it's nice having a teenager now i'm 40, and have time now to concentrate on career

You need different friends. You'll probably not have much contact with them when your DC is born anyway so I wouldn't let it bother you.

YANBU

i got married at 23, and had ds at 24 and DD at 30. i am glad to have my child bearing days behind me, glad i am not having to date , glad i am not trying to buy my first home, glad i am not listening to the sound of my biological clock ticking, and it means , hopefully, in another couple of years, i can go back to uni and study midwifery.. i can't think of anything worse right now than going back to clubbing/dating/will he ring/ won't he ring

i enjoy being settled !

probably abit of jealousy from those who can't understand

Try being disabled and pregnant - the looks would strip a car! That's the people I don't know and pass in the corridor in the maternity hospital.

Some people are freakish and don't mind their own buisness as much as they should, make all sorts of assumptions and need to get over themselves.

It wouldn't bother me if it was just my old circle of friends from high school/university but it is everyone: people at work, at antenatal groups etc. etc etc. The raised eyebrows make me cross.

I know where you are coming from... I had kids at the normal age, but now I am split up from their dad. I don't work as I can't afford the childcare, and the number of very dumb people who can't seem to absorb that simple factual calculation and who expect me to go out to work and operate at a loss every month, merely to conform to their expectations, or what they imagine they would do in my shoes..... it is exhausting, having the same conversation with so many people.

Anyway, back to you, sorry I digressed. Good for you I say. I had my dc1 at 32 and sometimes I think about what age I'll be when she's my age and it fills me with horror. Now that I HAVE my children I realise that I will feel like I am shutting a book before I've finished it when I die. I may not get to see my grandchildren grow up. I may see them born, but not get to know them.

It doesn't keep me awake at night, but I envy people who did it younger than I did it. Enjoy your baby and enjoy the extra decades you'll have together.

I am in a similar position - uni, married at 23, DS at 25 and will have had DC2 before I'm 27. I'll be back in meaningful employement by the time I'm 30, will hopefully be getting a full night's sleep again by then too.

But I haven't had any negative comments from 'friends'. Yes, my old friends are disappointed that we can't see as much of each other but they'd never say that I've made the wrong choices. So maybe you need some new friends. You will find you meet lots of 'mum friends' probably in a similar position to you anyway.

we brought our first place when i was 21 had our first buba at 23 and now expecting no 2 at 26! (can i still b in early 20s please!!)
ha i am a hairdresser i work in a trendy well know salon, where most of the girls spend there time drinking partying etc.
they of course call me grandma!! and take the mick (in nice way) often, but my party days r behind me i did alot of that in late teens, (altho love a girls nite every now and then!)
i couldnt be happier, think u will find the people that are saying these things r bit jelous as u r obviously happy.
my friend is 34 hasnt had a man for 10 yrs is desperate for a family etc even thinking of artificial insem. she is out 'on the hunt' all the time couldnt think of anything worse!!!

Ignore them, I bought my first house while I was still at Uni as DH to be was a year older so had a job that was enough to support a mortgage, We got married the September after I left uni and then - Nothing didn't manage to have DS until we had been married for 6 years and I got the opposite kind of reaction - When are you having kids, really want a GC (from MIL/FIL, never my parents) am now 35 weeks with DC2 and off all my uni friends I think there is only one other who has a DC, and we are all now approaching 30 (I am already past 30)

Everyone is different, and you are really lucky you have found what you want so early - They are probably just jealous

I agree, find new friends. I used to be quite fixated I suppose in imagining friends had to be the same age as you. After the baby is born, initially you will probably gel with pretty much anybody who's just had a baby, but then, the dust settles a bit and you may suddenly find that the people you look ward to seeing most are a 17 year old young mum or a 45 year old who adopted a baby from abroad,, it's so different from before. After having a baby was the first time I had friends who were just other adults in the same boat at the same time, rather than just other people close to my age. It felt every bit as real.

Just read your last post - where are you located? Maybe that's a factor? I am in rural-ish Durham so having children at my age and often younger isn't unusual (although going to uni is a bit!). I think whatever you do, you will find people who disagree. There are lots of advantages to having your children a little bit younger.

Good for you. YANBU.

I sometimes feel like the grandma of my group of friends because I married at 23, and am the only one of us to have a child(I'm 27, and had DD at 25).

They are YOUR choices. You don't have to justify them to anyone. Good luck with your baby.

YANBU - You'll have the last laugh though.

I met my DH aged 18yrs. Married 19. First child 23 second 26. I think most of the family and everyone we met when we were first together thought it would never last and that we were throwing away our chance to 'have fun'.

Well, I have an amazing relationship with my hubby and our children are adored and brilliant. We have a beautiful peaceful fun life. We never go out wasting money on booze, dont have to stand in bars where people expect you to be on the pull/up for one night stand, we always have each other to rely on and a lot of the single people who were so shocked early on are now eating their words.

You just smile as they think they rub your nose in it, thinking, I'm settled, happy and have a wonderful life. Don't be too angry with them, they are deluded.

Ignore them, you'll find new friends. I had my children in my twenties (later twenties than you), I don't regret a thing and if I would have changed it in any way, I'd have had them earlier.

I know the looks you mean though! My DS is at a posh nursery and most of the parents are older (40s) and I get some really strange looks!

I know exactly where you are coming from, I married DH when I was 21 and had DD1 a year later. Where I work most of the people around my age don't have children and look really surprised when I tell them I have a 10 year old, people have commented before about how young I was when I got married. But, I'm happy and have never regretted getting married and having children young.

Bollocks to them.

I did everything backwards - had dd at 17, then did A levels and degree and slogged up career ladder, then I met DP. I now have a 14 year old at the age of 31 and it's great - my entire 20s were real hard work but now I am reaping the benefits of a good job with a good salary, plus a house and disposable income. Plus I don;t have to worry about getting off the career ladder to have a baby.

People thought I was scum of the earth having a baby as a teen, but it has turned out to be great. DD is wonderful and it is great fun having a teenager in the house whilst I am still pretty young myself.

Poepl like to judge - all you can do is just nod and smile and rise above it.

Maybe it's not so much offensive to them as it is a bit bewildering...and that could just be because everyone's perspective is different:
I wanted nothing to do with marriage or babies in my 20's, and it wasn't because I wanted to get drunk and party (though I did my fair share of that!). I wanted to really enjoy my career for a good long time. I wanted to travel a bit, live on my own and really develop who I was first, before setling in and having a family. Met hubby at 30, married at 33, ds at 34, dd at 35. Now, at 37, I don't feel like I have to go back to work anytime soon, been there, done that. I also thoroughly enjoy weekends in with my family, and I'm not so restless. I also witnessed too many of my friends, who had babies/husbands/houses in their early 20's, and partied like crazy in their 30's...they didn't seem to get it 'out of their systems'.
So, for me, I would never critisise the choice to do all that stuff early, I guess I just don't really understand why you wouldn't want some things for yourself first. You've done really well, pretty young...if all of this is exactly what you wanted, then well done to you!

I had my first baby at 21, second at 23, third at 25 and due my fourth at 26/27 (depending on when it turns up!). I married at 23. Alot of people say seem to think I missed out on things doing it this way and I have had a fair few comments from family member and friends about it. I just smile and turn away. Dont worry what other people think it doesnt matter in the long run. I joined facebook a while ago and some of the strange pointless updates people make mostly to do with relationships and going out make me very very glad I never listened to them!

I was 20 when I had DS, and have found not so much criticism etc, but that I have felt like i am stuck in the middle a bit. If I make friends with older mums, I feel as though they are sort of looking down to me, like a younger sister, and I can't always join in all discussions because I don't have the same life experiences. We get on fine and I enjoy their company, but I do often feel like they accidentally slip into "mum mode" with me and try to solve my problems etc more than other friends do! Also I find it hard to do things together with them, because they have more money than me and (for example) don't want to go swimming at the council pool because they are a member of a gym and the pool there is nicer.

However when I have been to young mums' groups etc, (sorry I know this is going to sound snobby), I can't hang around with the ones I have met because they are constantly swearing, smoking, shouting at their children for the tiniest thing, constantly feeding their DC chocolate and crisps which DS then wants, and want to hang around in McDonald's or going around the shops for hours at a time with the children screaming because they are bored. I know not all young mums are like this, but I couldn't find any that weren't for ages! I tend to socialise with them at baby groups which is great as I can chat to them, DS isn't bored and I don't have to deal with the swearing/smoking/junk food issues.

Anyway I have been going to my local Sure Start centre a lot and through that have met some other mums about the same age as me who are of a similar philosophy to me and it has been really nice.

DH and I are the first of our friends to get married and have kids. Well, one kid, but more to come soon hopefully!
We got married when I was 23 and he 22, DD was born nine months later and now all our friends are getting engaged and pregnant. Just ignore people who think they know best--you sound like you've got everything you want and that whats important.

Each to their own and its rude and pointless to criticise other peoples choices in life we are all different. That said I am with doesntplaywell. Childfree twenty somethings dont just drink and party. I worked crazy crazy hours in my twenties could never have done that with children. As a result I had the cash to visit places I would never go now with children (India/Africa) etc and feel I have gone as far as I wanted to go in my career before having children. DH and have some amazing memories and never feel pangs of missing out or restlessness we are happy with our child centred life because we have experienced really independent living.

Oooh Bertie are you me?? I could have written your post word for word.