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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be scared to death by ds minor surgery?

42 replies

doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 08:22

My DS, aged 3.5 is having his tonsils out at the end of March. It will be such a relief for him, as his tonsils are constantly swollen, his night breathing is terrible, he does get sick with some regularity, etc. However, I am a wreck. All I can think of is every complication that could happen, and especially, that he could die. I KNOW that much of this is completely irrational, and I'm worrying myself silly over it...I think worry is normal, but I get upset EVERY time I think about it. I also know that I am a bit PFB about him, and that he really will feel so much better after this surgery.

I just need to know I'm not crazy for getting myself in such a twist over this...

OP posts:
winnybella · 02/02/2010 08:31

DS had tonsils taken out at around the same age.
We arrived in the morning at the hospital. He was given a relaxing medication ( up his bum- but that was in France, they love doing that!).
He was sort of out of it, 'high', pointing to his grandmother and saying there were two of them and giggling.
Then they took him to the operating theatre and he came to 2 hours later. Was totally fine , although he was in pain for another week or so, so was eating just ice lollies etc and had a funny, high pitched voice for a bit.
Anyway, the surgery bit was fine.
In his case it wasn't even necessary, as they thoughtone tonsil was bigger than another, but when they had taken them out they were the same size.
There are risks of post-op bleeding, but you have to weigh in the benefits- if they really bother him, they have to come out.
YANBU to worry, but it will be fine.

gingernutlover · 02/02/2010 08:33

much better to have it done now than when he is older, I was 13 when i had mine removed and it was really horrendous, yet all the toddlers having theirs done were bouncing about the next day in the childrens ward (I was the oldest one there I think LOL)

izzybiz · 02/02/2010 08:34

YANBU!

I was in the same state when Ds1 had a tooth out under a GA! Its natural, you have no control over whats going to happen to your Ds. He will be in the best hands, everything will be fine I'm sure!

Hope your LO gets well soon.

Bucharest · 02/02/2010 08:35

Of course YANBU.
Dd is 6 and may also have to have hers out idc.
Hope everything goes well

clam · 02/02/2010 08:36

My PFB had them out at about 6yo. the operation and hospital bit was fine. It was the bit afterwards, managing pain relief at home, that was a nightmare!

kslatts · 02/02/2010 08:40

Of course you are not crazy, my DD had her tonsils out when she was 6 and I was the exactly the same.

Your DS will feel so much better after the operation, my DD was missing approx 1 week of school a month due to illness and felt generally a bit poorly most of the time, however after having the operation she felt so much better, her teacher noticed the change in her attitude almost immediately.

I was also surprised how quickly she recovered, she had the operation in the morning and was eating sausage and chips in the evening, by the time we came home the next day, she was up and playing.

thesecondcoming · 02/02/2010 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eggontoast · 02/02/2010 08:51

It is a mother's prerogative to worry unnecessarily in the majority of cases; you love him so much even the tiniest risk of anything happening to him drives you wild with worry.

Just aim not to pass your worry onto your son as he will pick up anxious vibes. Try to worry when he is not around!

YA definitely NBU.

Original poster
doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 08:53

Thank you all so much...this was so helpful, and all things that I knew, but needed to hear from someone else. I do feel awful for DS at the moment...we can see such a radical change in him when his tonsils are bad...he turns into a complete little devil, when normally, he's a really sweet kid. And I know for a fact that his breathing affects his sleeping, he just looks shattered all the time.
Anyway...thank you all...I'm still worried, but at least I don't feel like I'm crazy!!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 02/02/2010 08:54

YANBU.

It is a mummy's role to worry constantly.

I was scared when I went in for my own minor ops, especially of the GA. And I am 36y!

I would be terrified if it was my little girl.

But if you sit and look at all the stats and facts - it is safe, he will be ok and very soon back to his normal 3 year old self.

You are not gong crazy You are just being a mum!

sarah293 · 02/02/2010 08:56

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thesecondcoming · 02/02/2010 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roulade · 02/02/2010 09:03

My ds had his tonsils and adenoids out last year when he was 2.10. The change is absolutely amazing. He is hardly ill now (it was once a month before) and has put on weight so we can't see his ribs anymore. Definitely worth it. It's horrible when they go under and it's possibly the longest 40 minutes of your life but if it's needed then worth it.

StellaLovesPotato · 02/02/2010 09:04

YANBU at all! You're putting your DS in the care of someone else. He will be fine. Stock up on ice cream! (for Mummy and DS...)

woodyandbuzz · 02/02/2010 09:07

YANBU. My DS had a minor operation under GA at the same age and I was terrified. Rest assured that it is a far worse experience for the parent than the child!

Original poster
doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 09:12

Stella...I think I'll need something a lot stronger than ice cream!

Thanks all...I just needed some perspective. I'm a bit overprotective anyway, so I know I really am being silly. I am pretty good about 'faking' laid back around the kids...I really don't want them to be fearful about everything.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/02/2010 09:20

DNBU. My dd had grommets done just before christmas. I was terrified that she wouldn't wake up and bloody angry that they wouldn't let me into the anaesthtic room with her. She came back to the ward an hour later, a bit flat but woke up properly after 15 minutes or so and demanded that I read her book to her. The person who suffers most is the mum. It's our job (along with reading Jaqueline Wilson out loud).

LouMacca · 02/02/2010 09:22

YANBU. It's totally natural to feel this way.

My DS had his tonsils out when he was 3. My husband took him to the hospital and I stayed at home with my DD (DS twin sister).

Waiting to hear from my DH was awful. When he did phone to say that DS had just been taken for operation he actullay broke down on the phone. I could still cry just thinking about it!!

Like others have said its the best thing we did. DS had throat infections, snored so loudly that the house would shake and dribbled non-stop which was starting to become a real problem for his confidence.

Your DS will be fine - big ((hugs))

Original poster
doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 09:23

LOL...I think the Jaqueline Wilson may be worse than the surgery!
Yes...I do believe that my ds will be bouncing around like mad after, and will feel so much better.
And I am releived to know that this will be worse for me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 09:26

Lou...that brought tears to my eyes!!!
But...your ds sounds just like mine...he snores like a proper old man, and even his voice sounds constantly 'clogged up' when he talks. Bless him, he walks around with huge dark circles all the time...despite a two hour nap in the day (still!) and at least 10 hours sleep a night. I know he's not breathing right.

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 02/02/2010 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 02/02/2010 10:13

YANBU - as a mother it is your duty to worry yourself silly!!

However, a zillion years ago I had mine out at 7, all I remember is M&D visiting me in hospital, counting down from 10 & laughing that the medicine wouldn't make me go to sleep (I never wanted to go to sleep as a child, as an adult I just dream of being able to!!) and then eating lots of ice cream and crisps to get better - would have had them out again if I'd been allowed

Original poster
doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 10:17

LOL Chipping in...yeah...can I use the stress of the surgery as an excuse to sit around with ds and eat crisps all day?? God...the kid really will be in heaven, he LOVES crisps, but he never has them!!

OP posts:
midori1999 · 02/02/2010 10:26

YANBU, but the chances really are that he'll be fine. Tonsils really is a routine op these days and GA is pretty safe.

I am extremely lucky in that I just don't worry. My son had open heart surgery at six months old and I was so unworried I went to pizza hut with my friend for lunch whilst he was in surgery. There was nothing I could do and even that is a pretty routine op these days.

WhatNoLunchBreak · 02/02/2010 10:31

YANBU at all. I would be the same.

Btw, much better to have them out now ... I had them done at 26. Ow-bloody-OUCH!