Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think that there is nothing wrong with being a bit PFB (oh, how I hate that phrase)

45 replies

queenoftheslatterns · 01/02/2010 16:07

Ive been thinking about this and after being accused of being PFB on another thread I wondered what was wrong with it. ds will be our only child. it was a struggle to conceive him, a struggle to carry and a struggle to deliver. we shant have another child and I would like to keep him as safe as possible and as naive as possible for as long as I can. he is my baby and at 4.5 I dont see why he should have to know the harsher facts of life. i am under no illusions regarding his behaviour/intellect/general wonderfulness and never enter into competative parenting or rhapsodise about his potato paint masterpieces. but I do want to shield him and I am proud of him. is that really so wrong?

OP posts:

posieparker · 01/02/2010 16:10

As long as he's a well adjusted and much loved child, there's nothing wrong with it.

belgo · 01/02/2010 16:12

yanbu, I think it's normal for most of us.

harecare · 01/02/2010 16:13

What is PFB?

DorotheaPlenticlew · 01/02/2010 16:14

Don't know the context or what was said on other thread but of course there is nothing wrong with loving your child and considering him to be precious or wanting him to be safe. I often feel like other MNers would probably think I am PFB-ish about DS just cause I think he is the best thing EVER

Where I am uncertain about your post is the idea of keeping him "as naive as possible" - not clear what you mean by that. Obviously it could either be fine, or rather unwise, depending on the specifics!

Bonsoir · 01/02/2010 16:15

I don't really agree with shielding children from reality. Better to introduce them to reality soon, in very small doses, while ensuring that home is comfortable and protective.

scaryteacher · 01/02/2010 16:15

ds is my only child. You can't shield them forever sadly, as if you do they will be ill equipped to deal with the world when they are grown up. All you can do is to balance the negative with the positive and help him to cope.

I don't think you were being pfb, but how you handle what your dh is doing is part and parcel of Forces life. As I said, I didn't make much of it and concentrated on the domestic. Ds is 14 now and unphased when his Dad goes away, except if the Amazon parcels haven't arrived before he goes,as all the post is delivered to dh.

Morloth · 01/02/2010 16:15

If you shield them too much though, the awfulness that is the world can all come crashing in at once.

Much better a drip feed through a loving filter I think.

And naive can be dangerous.

Bonsoir · 01/02/2010 16:17

"Much better a drip feed through a loving filter I think."

Great phrase.

Pikelit · 01/02/2010 16:21

All our children are the best ever. All of us have been pfb at some time or another! But you need to tread a careful path between "shield" and "suffocate".

AMumInScotland · 01/02/2010 16:24

The problem is how to strike a balance when you're "keeping him safe" - to what extent can you keep a child safe by wrapping him in cotton wool, versus keeping him safe by making him aware of what's out there and giving him practice at dealing with it.

It's always tricky to balance, and everyone finds their own way - there's always a risk others will think you're being PFB if you go one way, or reckless oif you go the other!

fernie3 · 01/02/2010 16:25

I think its fine, I have been accused of this over what I feed my 11 month old. She is my third so nothing to do with first borns. I hope I dont baby them too much but I think a little bit of babying never harmed anyone!

Dumbledoresgirl · 01/02/2010 16:28

Not read the other thread so I have no idea what prompted this. I can understand how you feel about your child. It is natural you want to protect him and lavish attention on him.

The only thing I would say is that, having had 4 children, and having been as "PFB-ish" as the next person with my first child, and seeing him now (aged 13) and comparing him with my other children, it does stagger me how his character is influenced (not for the good) by the fact that he spent 18 months as my PFB. Dh says it is because I made him the centre of my universe and he did not learn at an early age to consider the needs of others. He may have a point, I don't know.

Enjoy your little one. 4.5 is a blissful stage in most childhoods.

jemart · 01/02/2010 16:28

No harm in it really. Better to be a bit PFB than to be the complete opposite.

kinnies · 01/02/2010 16:32

I agree Fernie3, no harm in letting them know their loved.

I only think PFB when somone is being a tawt about how their child is soooo much more important than others (yes we all love ours the best, but have to understand that our Dc are not the centre of everyone elses universe!)

OrmRenewed · 01/02/2010 16:35

No. Nothing wrong with it. But you will have to put up with people gently taking the piss on here.

"and at 4.5 I dont see why he should have to know the harsher facts of life." and that's fine too just as long as you don't carry that on too long. The 'harsher facts of life' are out there. You don't want them to ambush him one day.

Bonsoir · 01/02/2010 16:36

Dumbledoresgirl - the combination of PFB-boy-teen is a particularly tough one! I think- hope they grow out of it!

OrmRenewed · 01/02/2010 16:39

"it does stagger me how his character is influenced (not for the good) by the fact that he spent 18 months as my PFB"

OMG yes! DS#1 is very loving towards me and generally a nice lad but he does have a somewhat over-large sense of entitlement at times . We are working on it...

Dumbledoresgirl · 01/02/2010 16:43

Nice to know I am not alone. I thought I was going to get a pasting for saying what I did about ds1. In truth, I have no idea if his selfish, spoilt, immature behaviour is down to my mollycoddling or his genes, or a combination of both, but it is remarkable how different he is to his siblings, and ds2 (who is Gorgeous In Every Way) is only 18 months younger (so already in the potentially difficult stage).

Original poster

queenoftheslatterns · 01/02/2010 16:47

what we have tried to do is handle things as and when they are needed. what i meant by keeping him naive was (am unable to express myself atm ) not telling him about the bad things that people do to each other unless I absolutely have to. I do feel that at times we have been a bit too soft with him, but I would rather that than be the other way. i see no reason to worry him at this age about something that (if it happens) will happen in 18m when he will be 6 and that bit more robust emotionally and find it easier to process less palatable information. likewise I dont want him to think that the world is full of bad people. it isnt. they exist and I am happy to shield him from them. sorry, not making myself very clear here am i

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 01/02/2010 16:56

I'm guessing from a previous comment about Forces life that this is about how you handle discussing your partner's risks in the Forces? And a possible tour somewhere dangerous?

I don't know how I'd handle that particular issue - I would guess he has to know that sometimes bad things happen to servicemen, and sometimes they get hurt or even killed? I think it's better to know that something has some risk beforehand, rather than being totally in ignorance about it, but you can still downplay the level of risk with children.

Original poster

queenoftheslatterns · 01/02/2010 17:00

amuminscotland, yep, thats it. I dont want him to worry about it (its already upsetting him that daddy is going away for training) when its not soemthing that will happen now, or for 6m, or even a year.

but tbh its the feeling that PFBness is a terrible thing that gets my goat. along with the phrase "rod for your own back"

OP posts:

posieparker · 01/02/2010 17:07

No point telling your ds that Daddy is in danger, I don't talk about plane crashes when my DH flies or when we do.

AMumInScotland · 01/02/2010 17:08

I think on here PFB is what people say when you're being more cautious than they would be over an issue. It's like the definition of a "pushy parent" - they are someone who is more involved with their child's life than the person who makes the accusation. It's not a firm definition, more of a sliding scale with me in the middle of it, being normal and sensible, and people to either side being either "pushy" or "neglectful". But each person's idea of "normal and sensible" varies...

Dumbledoresgirl · 01/02/2010 17:08

Oh God no, in those circumstances, I don't think shielding your son from the truth of forces life is being PFB with him! Of course you wouldn't tell a 4 year old about that sort of reality. As you say, time enough to mention what you feel you should mention when/if your dh actually gets posted to a dangerous place.

Original poster

queenoftheslatterns · 01/02/2010 17:17

you know, i totally agree that PFBness is on a sliding scale according to how we raise our own children.its like the controlled crying/attachment parenting debates or ff/bf, everyone has a threashold and anyone who goes beyond that is PFB or below that is neglectful.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread