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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that there is nothing wrong with being a bit PFB (oh, how I hate that phrase)

45 replies

queenoftheslatterns · 01/02/2010 16:07

Ive been thinking about this and after being accused of being PFB on another thread I wondered what was wrong with it. ds will be our only child. it was a struggle to conceive him, a struggle to carry and a struggle to deliver. we shant have another child and I would like to keep him as safe as possible and as naive as possible for as long as I can. he is my baby and at 4.5 I dont see why he should have to know the harsher facts of life. i am under no illusions regarding his behaviour/intellect/general wonderfulness and never enter into competative parenting or rhapsodise about his potato paint masterpieces. but I do want to shield him and I am proud of him. is that really so wrong?

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 01/02/2010 17:18

Dumbledoresgirl - DSS1 is very selfish with a massive sense of entitlement and an ego of giant proportions. DSS2 is modest, self-effacing and generally of genial disposition (and also a lot more naturally gifted than DSS1). Ho hum.

2shoes · 01/02/2010 17:18

yanbu
I a, pfb about ds(and he is 18 next week)

Coldhands · 01/02/2010 20:34

YANBU. I am suprised at the amount of people who agree as I've seen loads accused of being PFB. Maybe they are all staying away.

I totally understand. Although I do want more and I really hope it is possible, there could be problems. We were told it was unlikely we wouldn't be able to conceive without IVF. We were very lucky and did just in time. I am so grateful to have my amazing DS that I really don't give a toss that I am PFB. He is only 2 at the moment so I don't know what I'll be like when he is bigger (probably annoying mummy and he will want me to leave him alone etc).

harecare · 01/02/2010 20:38

I still don't know what PFB stands for:
Personal Favourite Buddy
Protective Flippin' Bint?
Psychotic Fruit Bat?
Please can someone tell me?

harecare · 01/02/2010 20:41

Perfect First Born?

Stigaloid · 01/02/2010 20:43

Precious First Born

harecare · 01/02/2010 20:44

Ah, thank you!!!

oldenglishspangles · 01/02/2010 20:51

yanbu it is a rite of passage. The majority of us have made that merry journey and look back and laugh at what we were like.

WidowWadman · 01/02/2010 20:55

By keeping him naive as long as you possibly can, you do the opposite of keeping him safe. And you don't do him any favours by curbing his independence. It's not fair to do that to him, just for your own sake.

The husband and I are always being told that we're treating our daughter as she was a second child, and I've never taken it to be a bad thing.

Original poster

queenoftheslatterns · 01/02/2010 21:03

but widowwadman, there are things that a young child doesn't need to know. as long as he knows he can tell me anything and that we have no secrets (the only lie I tell him is that santa exists) he doesnt need to know that there are people out there who enjoy hurting others, or that the men who whistle outside our neighbours house are junkies etc. he is still young. if he asks me about it I will tell him, but i refuse to tell him off my own back!

OP posts:

chegirlsgotheartburn · 01/02/2010 21:52

Dont know how to put this without being flamed.

I find it a little bit vexing that people think that having only one child somehow makes them more precious. It doesnt you know.

But I dont think YABU for wanting to protect your little boy or cherishing him. Of course you do and why wouldnt you?

You cant protect them from everything though. Unfortunately. They are more resilient than you think though. Fortunately.

JemL · 01/02/2010 22:07

chegirlsgotheartburn - agree. All children are precious.

Am slightly worried about DS's though. DS1 has spent 3.5 years as pfb. His sense of entitlement must be off the scale...

chegirlsgotheartburn · 01/02/2010 22:19

I wouldnt worry. DS1 was never a PFB and since he hit 14 his sense of entitlement has reached epic proportions

Love him

fluffles · 01/02/2010 22:49

YANBU for wanting to love and cherish your LO and make them happy and protect them.

But the way to help them become a happy and safe adult is not to shelter them from life or to allow them to believe that they are the centre of the universe.

Our job is to grow lovely wonderful well-rounded adults who can function in the world and make it a better place and have healthy relationships and families of their own.

WidowWadman · 02/02/2010 06:06

Queen - if it were my child I'd rather he knows they were junkies and to keep away from them. And I don't know what's wrong with knowing that there are some people in the world, which aren't nice, and yes, do enjoy hurting others. You can find them in books, too, so why on earth should he not expect them in the real world?

ChippingIn · 02/02/2010 06:11

Queen - there's nothing wrong with only telling him what you feel he needs to know. The problem on the other thread was that you were getting pissed off about what another equally small child had said to him. You can't control that... and had you told your son a bit more about what Daddy is going to be doing, (being in the forces but not going to where the war is at the moment) then maybe he could have told the other little boy he was wrong....

cory · 02/02/2010 08:08

Chippin puts it very well.

And it cuts both ways, you know: it is extremely likely that the time will come when another parent is wishing that she could protect her child from something that your child does or says. And when that time comes you will wish that the other parent would remember that your boy is only little and can't understand the consequences of what he is saying.

A lot of what we do with our children is damage limitation; trying to explain how things really are, after they have brought home a distorted story from elsewhere.

abride · 02/02/2010 08:20

What you need to do is produce a resilient child, one who bounces back.

To my mind that means gradually allowing an element of risk and self-reliance into their lives. It is harder with the first-born and easier with the second-born, I have found. You start to know what things really matter with the second-born.

Original poster

queenoftheslatterns · 02/02/2010 08:25

i suppose I just feel that 4/5 is too young to be aware of so much. wrt my other thread, DH starts his training tomorrow. that means it will be at least 18m before he gets deployed. ds will then be 6 and (as i said) much more robust and mature.

i dont want him to know about junkies/murderers/rapists because i feel he is too young and there will be plenty of time when he is older to worry about these things. they are only little for a short time, why rush to mature them?

chegirl, i used ds's only child status as a point. if we were ever to have another, that child would be just as precious, trust me!

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 02/02/2010 10:06

if it's just in your interactions with him then it's fine, if you start thinking you deserve special treatment because you have the most valuable commoditty on Gods green earth and everyone must accomodate you then it's a problem.

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