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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to bag DD's stuff and refuse to give it back

71 replies

youcantlabelme · 31/01/2010 12:39

DD aged 15 has clothes clean and dirty, new and old all on the floor, make up and jewellery strewn all over her chest of drawers, school work everywhere but never on her desk etc.

Have lost count of the times I have asked, bribed, cajoled, begged, whinged etc in the vain hope that she would look after her room. I do all her washing and clean her room, and all I ask is that she keeps it tidy.

I got to the point yesterday, when I bagged whatever was on the floor or not in it's place (except school uniform and schoolwork) and have refused to give it back till she shows she can keep her room tidy for four weeks.

She says I am out of order (well, to paraphrase CK or was it MRD, she would wouldn't she!)

Am I though, given that she is a good kid really- works hard at school and at her out of school activities, and that maybe I should cut her a little bit of slack?

OP posts:

CUNextTuesday · 01/02/2010 18:56

you would think wouldn't you. She's an apprentice hairdresser though so it's a minor inconvenience when she can rob borrow some more. It's symbolic really, rather than punative which is why it's lower on the list than the tv

Original poster

youcantlabelme · 01/02/2010 20:01

My thoughts exactly, CUnext Tuesday!

And, I am all for respecting her privacy always knocking first before entering, never check her emails/texts. I have no problem with that.

All I want to do is get to her bloody basket as agreed and hoover around every weekend.

Anyway, I am now just ignoring the mess and leaving her to get on with it.

OP posts:

RIELOVESBACARDI · 01/02/2010 20:08

i think what you did is fine, it's your house and she should live by your rules

seeker · 01/02/2010 20:39

"it's your house "

It's her house too!

usualsuspect · 01/02/2010 20:47

I'm with seeker on this...never did get my house my rules ..we all live here its their house too

scottishmummy · 01/02/2010 20:52

provocative to bag all her stuff up.and stop doing her washing and cleaning.

you are sending a weird mixed up message to a capable 15yo

be a grown up and tidy your room or else...

hey but i will still clean it and do your laundry

15yo,she is certainly able to clean,do laundry.you don't need to do this at all

chegirlsgotheartburn · 01/02/2010 20:57

Nah - its their home , its my house

They will have their house one day. I waited a long time for mine.

I am not going to kid them its their house. Its not like I am going to let them choose what sofa I buy or what colour the living room is going to be. They get to do that when they are paying rent/mortgage on their own place. Its my turn now.

Because of how I grew up I do respect their privacy and wouldnt dream of treating their bedroom/stuff the way my DM did mine. Whilst they are little I clear up with their help and when I decorate/buy furniture I have the biggest say but I do involve them.

They should respect their property though surely? If for no other reason than the vast majority was bought for them by other people. I think its only right that they learn to appreciate the thoughts and effort that go into choosing presents for them.

I dont mean that they should be terrified to play with something or punished brutally if they do break something. It really gets to me that my DS1's room is full with broken cds, games, phones, clothes etc.

He is well old enough to consider where things come from and how much they cost.

NeedCoffee · 01/02/2010 20:58

You are being unreasonable keeping it for 4 weeks, if it were me it would have been in the bin/at the charity shop by now. I went in to hoover DDs room last week and it took me 5 hours to dust, wipe and hoover. How hard is it to keep one room tidy, I manage to keep a whole house clean and tidyish.

seeker · 01/02/2010 21:00

I really don't agree.I don't earn much money so our home is paid for by dp's work. It's still as much mine as his. And it's still the children's as much as ours. And once they are old enough, then of course they say in what colout the living room's painted - why wouldn't they? They aren't lodgers!

usualsuspect · 01/02/2010 21:16

I hated it when my dad used to say its my bloody house blah blah blah..no wonder I left home at 18..not what I wanted for my DCs .

oldenglishspangles · 01/02/2010 21:22

I am with shodan on this one. 4 weeks is a bit long too.

chegirlsgotheartburn · 01/02/2010 21:42

No if they were lodgers they would be paying me to live here. The little freeloaders!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 01/02/2010 22:18

I agree with seeker.

Kaloki · 02/02/2010 00:40

usualsuspect I got that too. Drove me mad, especially when I was paying him rent. Also had the added effect of making me feel like I wasn't wanted there and like I should hide away. He never meant it like that, but it definitely felt that way.

carrieboo75 · 03/02/2010 10:33

It may be their home too but but it is us that have to pay for the vermin extermination, the new carpet, new paint, new windows etc when the room gets so disgusting. Why the hell should I have to pay for that little lot just because the teenager can't be arsed to get off their backside and clean up once in a while.

seeker · 03/02/2010 20:46

Oh come on - whose room gets so disgusting it needs a rat catcher and new windows? A LEETLE extreme, don;t you think?

carrieboo75 · 05/02/2010 15:49

Seeker - Seriously - my dfd has only lived with us since Oct and her room is so bad we now have rats, the windows are roting and who knows what the carpet looks like! We are having to buy rat traps now and when it's time for her to leave in a year or so we will have to spend a fortune making it habitalble again before the next dfd arrives. It is unlikely that the same windows and carpet will be available and so her room will end up different. A 'LEETLE extreme' is is not. I have no problem with mess but when it gets disgusting it is un-wise to let it go on.

SimonCowellIsSatan · 05/02/2010 15:59

Goodness this sounds exactly like I was as a child. Oh the shame!

YANBU though, despite the fact I had countless screaming matches at my parents for doing such things and would often yell "you'll regret this when I'm dead" and "I hate you". God, I was a shit.

However I'd do EXACTLY as you have with my daughter if she's the same...which of course she won't be because she'll be all sweetness and delight cough.

Unfortunately it took me until I was 26 with my firstborn to become organised and tidy on a regular basis!

chegirlsgotheartburn · 05/02/2010 16:26

Our mice have come back. I think they have HQ in DS's bedroom.

You really have to see it to believe it.

Its rancid

carrieboo75 · 05/02/2010 22:59

Chegirl - thanks for backing me up, I don't sound like a nutter now . It really is a special kind of mess .

chegirlsgotheartburn · 05/02/2010 23:15

Nice to know I am not alone.

What was that film where that house had a sort of portal to hell?

The rest of the house was normal and cosy but this door to Hades sort of glowed at the top of the stairs.

Thats my house that is....

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