sister selling dads house from under him please read and advise

[justsue]

Long story cut short: I am one of five children, mum died 12 years ago in not a very nice way but that is another story. My relationship with her was fanstastic, she was a very special person in my life.

My dad on the other hand put me into care at 14 saying to social services " I have five children and only four are perfect". Result was Care Order till I was 18. (Again another story).

He now is 78 years old and suffering from a little bit of dimenta and has been ripped of financially from a younger woman (29) for a total of £167k. He has his own house and other money in other accounts, but as you can imagine there is not a lot left. I have not had contact with him very much for 12 years so was not really aware of what was going on and to be brutally honest did not really care , my mum had died and as far as I was concerned it was his fault.

Anyway, we now have this old man in his house that is falling apart with his memories that are now plastered all over the walls in his front room: (quite sad to see really).

My younger sister has put his house on the market and sold it and will be all done and dusted by the end of FEB.

She has tried to get him into social housing but with the amount of money he has he has no chance which we tried to expain to her.

Anyway, I have been going round there for the past couple of weeks to find that he had no food in the house and when I told my sister she was not worried at all and just laughed it off. So I have been going round and taking him food shopping etc.

My sister tonight has said to me " Dont worry bout food shopping lets just get the house sold". How can I go over there knowing that he has no food in the fridge, has not had a bath in go knows how long and walk away

My mum would turn in her grave if i let this happen but my sister and I are so falling out over it. She just wants the house sold and thats that not giving a flying fish what is going to happen after

has he given her power of attorney? or was he in agreement to sell the house? I can see where your coming from, i couldn't walk away no matter how bad my relationship was with a member of my family, i couldn't live with myself.

How can she sell his house without his consent? I don't understand.

And how is he not entitled to care in his old age? OK, he may have to pay with his assets, but that's what happens.

I want to help, but don't get it.

Call social services.

Hi ? you need to contact Social Services as soon as possible. Emergency duty teams are available 24/7 so you can speak to them as soon as you are able and ready to.

He is vulnerable and being abused financially as well as at risk of neglect. Whatever the history between yourself and your father, you already know the right thing to do is put it aside for now and look out for his best interests because he is unable to.

The sooner you contact Social Services the better. They will look into it straight away and may well put a stop on your father?s house sale and on all his accounts for the time being in case that?s being dibbed into as well. At the same time they are looking into his finances, they?ll assess his personal care needs and make any arrangements.

Were they involved previously when he was taken to the cleaners for £167k?

Unless she's forging his signatures, she can't sell his house without a power of attorney and he needs to be mentally able to grant that while not being pressurised.

Ask your sister if you can see a copy of the power of attorney. If she refuses, call social services and tell them you believe he is vulnerable and is being manipulated.

Yes, you MUST contact social services AT ONCE! This man is vulnerable and must be protected.

if it were my dad, and he'd put me in care like that, i wouldn't give a rat's arse what happened to him.

I don't understand why she is selling it? Even if he has given her power of attorney has he actually told her he wants to sell his property? If he is living on his own without a daily carer then I assume he is still quite capable of running his own life?

What is the plan with the proceeds of the house sale?

me neither expat, but op does seem to care and wants to know what she can do.

She's a better person than I am, tbh, cos I'd have just said fuck you, it's karma.

But since she does care, I think she would get the help she is looking for by reporting the situation to social services.

If they don't care about him, they'll care about money being syphoned off that ought to go to fund his care [cynical]

Justsue, you are a nice person and I wonder if that is because you didn't grow up in the same household as the rest of your family. Your dad sounds like a real git and it looks like your sister has taken after him.

Do call social services, for your own peace of mind, but if you have your own family now, put your energy into them, you have no making up to do to your father, he should be begging your forgiveness.

Presumably she's trying to sell the house to fund getting him into social housing? Have you actually spoken to her about it, asked her where she expects him to live after February, as I assume that she's not just going to leave him to roam the streets?

She can't have sold the house without his agreement, whether it's through power of attorney or him signing all the documents, and I just wonder if it's all a plan to force social services to pull their finger out and get him into assisted accomodation fast rather than let him hang on in a house which is, as you have said, falling down and he's obviously not able to cope in on his own.

He sounds like he was, when you were younger, an unpleasant, manipulative man. Just be a bit careful that he's not playing you off against your other siblings again and knows more about it than he's letting on. He MUST know how your sister is able to sell the house at least.

It almost sounds as if they are in it together to see how much running around OP will do-despite past treatment.

OK - whose name is the house in? If you don't know, contact the estate agents who are dealing with the sale and ask for the details of the solicitors. They will not give you too much details on the phone but explain the situation and askf for a partner to call you back URGENTLY

Either he has

a)transferred the house to your sister (in which case she is selling as the legal owner)

b) the house is still in his name and you could politely point out to the solicitor that your dad has dementia and you will report solicitor to the SRA if they don't down tools on the sale for while

c) he has given your sister a power of attourney to sign on his behalf.

You need to find out what is going on.

Message withdrawn

He's a very lucky man, and you have a heart of gold after the way he treated you. Ring Social Services, then put it in writing to them as well. I wonder if it is worth contacting his solicitor? Not sure about that, but definitely agree with the others that you must contact Social Services immediately.

Hi all, thanks for replying. In answer to some of the questions. No my sister does not have power of attorney but has a very good relationship with my dad. He agrees some days that he cant manage the house and other days will say "Why am I going in to a home". Then in the next breath says "Im looking forward to moving". Then will say "Why cant I stay here" Hence which is why I said he has slight dimenta.

The other brothers and sister know that she is selling it and are backing her. The idea is that he will move nearer her. So in black and white it looks ok.

My sister is running full steam ahead to get the house sold etc because this woman who has ripped him off has apparently done it over a period of a year or two. Taking him to the bank in a cab and getting him to cash cheques. One of them was for £5k. I dont care about his money, but the rest of the family do. (They dont want to pay for him in his old age when he has to money to do it now. I can see thier point I suppose)

Now the reason he has let her do that is down to him being lonely. We are all guilty of not going over there on a regular basis. I dont feel so guilty because I have not had a relationship with him since I was 14 and will never forgive him for a lot of what has happened to my mum etc. Like I said that is a different story and just one that I dont really want to get into at the moment.

Having said all that, I look at him like a very sad lonely old man who has been neglected and needs help. Just like I would if the old lady across the street needed it. I have been talking to my older sister and she agrees that the younger one is totally out of order but it is all being done legal and above board.

I just think why cant he have home help come in, meals on wheels, bring the house up to a livable standard and let him see out his days there. I have suggested all this to younger sister but to no avail.

Re the woman who has taken the money: Family have spoken to bank/police and because he went in and cashed the cheques they can do nothing. To me that is karma, gave my mum jack shit while he got richer and richer.

(They lived together for 35 years till she died so he was not a absent father).

Sorry if i have babbled just trying to get the information across.

I am right in understanding you mum was compliant in putting you into care? Sorry if that is a sensitive question, I know you said you didnt want to go into detail re your mum. I'm just trying to understand how you were ok with her but not him?

Sadly if he is going along with your sister and signing all the right papers there is not much you can do Your only option for all siblings to sit down together and discuss it (you said you older sister agrees with you?)

Good Luck and you are a better person than me. I cut my father out many years ago and have no intention of ever having anything to do with the man again.

My mum had to agree with the court because I was put on a AT Risk Register. Nothing sinister he just made my life a misery because he didnt like me. Slaps, name calling etc. Made it obvious "I was not perfect".

I just find it very distressing to walk into his house where there is no food in the fridge and for him now to be so pathetically humble when I take him food. The reason I take it is because I would do it for anyone.

I admire you, truly, it is very hard when your sister is not doing anything illegal with regards to the house

Maybe you could enquire about meals on wheels for him? Get your other siblings on board. Surely none of them can bear thinking of him alone with no food?

I have done all the enquiry's passed on my ideas but like I said to no avail. I have spoken to my older sister this morning and I am going to go round once a week take him food shopping and walk away with a clear conscience

Another thought: Wouldnt it be funny if he left everything to the cats home

lol yes it would

So am I right in thinking that she is selling the house to enable him to go into a care home? If thats the case the money from the house sale will provide his care. If thats right then your sister is doing the right thing BUT as for leaving him with no food, and dirty, thats terrible. I guess if you can manage to take care of him till he moves into the care home, thats great because after that he will be cared for and you wont need to worry so much.

No not to go into a care home to buy him a flat nearer her, so her intentions are good in a way, but my arguement is that he is being left with no food. No money (she has the bank books) and takes him money round each week. This is because of him being conned out of so much.

The point I am trying to make is that surely his health needs should come first and foremost and that to leave him living like that is disgusting

So is your sister going to take over feeding him when he moves nearer to her? I don't understand why she thinks he can live without food - or is it that she thinks he is capable of feeding himself.

any chance you can talk to your sister, its great that she is moving her nearer him but has she got all the care needs in place? meals on wheels? carers ect? Im guessing not and maybe you should raise that with her. Maybe she is struggling to see what is in front of her.