sister selling dads house from under him please read and advise

[justsue]

Long story cut short: I am one of five children, mum died 12 years ago in not a very nice way but that is another story. My relationship with her was fanstastic, she was a very special person in my life.

My dad on the other hand put me into care at 14 saying to social services " I have five children and only four are perfect". Result was Care Order till I was 18. (Again another story).

He now is 78 years old and suffering from a little bit of dimenta and has been ripped of financially from a younger woman (29) for a total of £167k. He has his own house and other money in other accounts, but as you can imagine there is not a lot left. I have not had contact with him very much for 12 years so was not really aware of what was going on and to be brutally honest did not really care , my mum had died and as far as I was concerned it was his fault.

Anyway, we now have this old man in his house that is falling apart with his memories that are now plastered all over the walls in his front room: (quite sad to see really).

My younger sister has put his house on the market and sold it and will be all done and dusted by the end of FEB.

She has tried to get him into social housing but with the amount of money he has he has no chance which we tried to expain to her.

Anyway, I have been going round there for the past couple of weeks to find that he had no food in the house and when I told my sister she was not worried at all and just laughed it off. So I have been going round and taking him food shopping etc.

My sister tonight has said to me " Dont worry bout food shopping lets just get the house sold". How can I go over there knowing that he has no food in the fridge, has not had a bath in go knows how long and walk away

My mum would turn in her grave if i let this happen but my sister and I are so falling out over it. She just wants the house sold and thats that not giving a flying fish what is going to happen after

Ring Age Concern, this type of thing is termed "elder abuse" and they have a section specifically to deal with elderly people being treated badly by their relatives...they will intervene

She thinks he is capable of feeding himself, and he is, but he is not capable of making judgements as to what food he needs etc.

Typical example when I went round there yesterday and said "Has anyone been food shopping for you" He replied "yep got loads of food". I then looked in fridge and he had a packet of butter!!!!!

When I took him food shopping last week I made sure that he had things like ham, cheese, milk, dinners etc. SO if it is there he will eat it and enjoy the food. If it is not he forgets and just eats nothing.

Does that make sense?

yes makes sense, anychance you can ask your sister to ensure there is a tesco delivery every week with fresh food? I know its all very concerning and do agree with others about ringing people but in the meantime, if you can sort this out thats great

My problem is that if i go behind thier back and arrange anything they will go mad. Typical answer from younger sister the other night when I was trying to make suggestions was

"You have not bothered for twelve years why bother now"

And she is perfectly in her rights to say that, but I wouldnt treat a dog the way he is being treated and they just cant see it.

I am not posting for the love of my father I am posting for a old man that needs help in day to day living but am being blocked in every direction because I suppose I am a estranged daughter, but like I said earlier my mum would turn in her grave if she knew how he was living

anychance any other sisters or brothers can help. You are allowed to be worried, he is your dad no matter the past. I would be tempted to tell her you will be getting shoppping delivered and will get the money when you go round and explain to your dad too. Be strong

I talk to older sister every day and she agrees with me but as she lives up North and we are in the South her hands are tied. Did try and get food delivered one day but the stupid old fool went out and forgot they were coming. This is one of the problems, you can ring him and say I am on my way (its only 20 mins in the car) and he forgets and goes out...

I think I have to relax about it and not get so stressed out but its so frustrating

If you're going to go round every week anyway, can you coincide with food delivery?

This is appalling and you are right. Perhaps your sister is really stressed and can't see the wood for the trees? Can you get your brothers on board?

If the whole family (all your other siblings) tell your little sis that she is not going the right way about things, would she listen? (Gang up on her basically )

You might need to take legal advice and perhaps get a "charge" put on the property which would prevent the sale. You should be able to do this as you have a vested interest in his welfare.

Good luck, it must be a difficult time for you.