to think some people actually prefer moaning to doing something to help themselves?

[BitOfFun]

And that they are their own worst enemies?

I see it a bit on here, to be honest. Every suggestion is met with a "yes, but...", or helpful contributions are ignored, or even whole threads are pulled by the OP because they nobody is letting them wallow.

AIBU?

I agree with bran

It's been a tough ride SM...

Chillo..yes. It did take me a while to see what value they had instead of feeling that even MN was a part of the issue. The need to feel safe and in a situation you can trust, to take on board what can be 'perceived' as personal criticisms (even if they are not) also made a difference.

That's very civilised of you- who are you, and what have you done with scottishmummy?

things ok now MitsubishiWarrioress? sometimes adversity shapes us too.you seem appropriately reflective.hope all goes well

Ta SM, I am on the up as they say...the futures bright and any damn shade I want it to be!!

About time Jamie.

The Why Don't You? Yes, But game is fascinating. I find myself falling so easily into the Why Don't You? role. I must get a grip on that.

bof,LOL i only get exasperated at princesses/tits/attention seekers/head in sanders

not the real deal posters

It's fear. People fear change. It's a pleasure/pain thing. Only when living a certain way becomes too painful will people decide to change their ways. Isn't it sad then, that some people are only motivated by pain when they could be motivated by pleasure?

Agree. BUT, there are also people who insist that their advice is the best/only and get worked up when it isn't accepted or suitable.

I mean there are sometimes excellent reasons why someone might say Yes, but. Example I was having a whinge discussion a while ago online about how there was no suitable school place available for my son, and posters were telling me to move house. I can't move house, trust me, I have concrete and sound reason why not, but I could vehemently accused of just being a moany old tart who wasn't willing to help herself. Not true and not fair.

But broadly, YANBU.

yes the sell everything/move house solution to mum pondering returning to work after mat leave.as if that is achievable or desirable

YANBU - my gran used to say people like that have a case of the poor me's!

YANBU

though I still agree with Bran

some people like to come and bleat on the tinterweb, 'oh no other people do X that causes bother for me, why should i do Y that would solve the problem? Surely everybody should just bloody not do X'.

though in some ways that is the purpose of the interweb...the steam valve of the real social world - bith about it afters on the web.

YANBU

I have a friend who is just like this and it is sooooo frustrating.

She is self employed and doesn't work too hard, then relys on her family to pay her way.

When she moans, I say she could work for 1 day and earn what she currently does in a month.

She then comes out with all manner of excuses, such as public transport is unreliable, jobs are not out there, her b/f wouldn't be happy if she worked because she couldn't see him when he was free during day, until eventually, she just says she can't be arsed.

She has an extremely low standard of living, but she'd obviously rather be piss poor than go out to work.

I give up now.

I agree completely - I shun them in my day to day life. On here, I like to think that each post which points out the error of their way erodes a little bit more of the 'yes but' until they are in a place to go 'OMG you are right!' And I have seen it happen a couple of times.

It doesn't really irritate me here. It annoys the fuck out of me if it's people I know, largely because you have the same conversation over and over again. Here I can just ignore or hide the threads

ooooooohh!! DP DP DP springs to mind. He has a few (medical & financial problems) that I have been trying to give him advice on ways to solve them...He half listens, does nothing about them, then starts whingeing again a few days later. It very odd, this thread, I had a heated discussion with him just this morning, telling him that if he really wants his life etc. to be a bit better, then maybe he has to start taking my/ the doctors/ his friends' advice and actually do something about it. I just don't get why he feels it's ok to moan at me about these issues yet ignore any & all advice he's given, and not get off his arse and DO something. ranty ranty RAAA! . It's not like I've been dealt the best hand in life, but honestly, if something is bugging me to the extent that his problems are, I'd bloody sort it out.

There really is no helping some people. They seem to enjoy going round and round and round again in the same old destructive patterns and can't be told otherwise.

What's that saying? That the definition of insanity to doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

Oh come on, that is what MN is for isn't it? Whingeing as an outlet, rather than whingeing for a purpose.

If people would just realise that life is always going to be a lot of hard work and that you actively have to seek out the good stuff and try hard to avoid the bad, it would help a lot...

And, not to sound pollyannaish, life is pretty damn wonderful most of the time. You just to change your filter to see the world as much more good than bad.