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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bit PFBish or is friend being cheeky?

39 replies

madusa · 30/01/2010 13:19

yesterday my DDs godfather (who is also my DHs best friend) called and asked my DH if they could meet up at a soft play centre today. My dh told the GF (godfather) that he would speak to me and get back to him.

I said that it wouldn't be practical as DS1 has a tennis match and since my DH is one of our son's tennis coaches, he normally takes DS1 to the matches.

the GF the says that he will just take our DD (aged 11) to the soft play. I said to my DH that wasn't fair as (1)DD is too old and finds the soft play a bit babyish, (2) our little one (aged 5) wouldn't be particularly happy to be left with me and not taken out with his sister to soft play and (3) the only reason that GF wants to take my DD is so that he can sit back and let my DD watch his 2 year old son.

My DH got really huffy with me and said that I was being rude. He called the GF back and said that I had said no. GF says that if he can't take my DD, he won't go as he wanted my DD to help him with his boys (one aged 2 and one aged 9 months). That means that the GF girl friend (who doesn't work) doesn't get any child free time.

So should I let my DD be a babysitter in a soft play? I think it is too much responsibility.... if the 2 yr old gets hurt my DD will feel responsible. Both the GF and his girlfriend have their parents and siblings living fairly close to them so if they want a babysitter, surely they should ask one of their family members to help?

My DD adores babies and toddlers but I don't think she should have her good nature being taken advantage of.

We once went to a local farm (which includes a children's play area inside and out and rides for all ages etc) with them all and everytime my DD went on something, she was asked to take the 2 year old with her which meant that she couldn't go off and be a child herself.

Am I being a bit PBFish?

OP posts:
fernie3 · 30/01/2010 13:25

well it depends if your daughter minded or not. If she was happy to do it then I would have let her go, its good for older children to help out every now and then and I would have loved being one of the grown up at this age, she wouldnt be fully in charge so I dont see how there is too much responsibility for her. If she DIDNT want to go then I wouldnt have forced her.

juneybean · 30/01/2010 13:25

He wants an 11 year old to help him? Is he inept?

Bainmarie · 30/01/2010 13:27

Think GF is being unreasonable to expect an 11 year old to help with his children!

Firawla · 30/01/2010 13:29

it sounds more like he is being cheeky
but if your dd didn't mind then could have just let her go and help, if she didn't want to then yadnbu

CantSleepWontSleep · 30/01/2010 13:31

YANBU

NorbertDentressangle · 30/01/2010 13:32

What about your DD? Would she have wanted to go?

I know that my 10 yo DD would jump at the chance of going to a similar place with my SIL/DB to play with and "look after" her cousin

kinnies · 30/01/2010 13:35

I think that the Gf is a bit of a twit if he cant look after his own kids.

diddl · 30/01/2010 13:37

Did I understand it that he wanted your daughter there so that he could ignore his children & have time with his girlfriend?

TheFoosa · 30/01/2010 13:39

why is it YOUR fault that the GF other half won't get any free time?

yanbu, tell him to get stuffed

karen2205 · 30/01/2010 13:42

I'd go with asking your daughter what she wants to do and maybe suggesting she negotiates appropriate payment with her godfather for her services, if she does want to go.

ruddynorah · 30/01/2010 13:43

diddle- i think the OP is saying the GF is taking his kids to soft play ie away from their mum so she gets time to herself. the GF would like the OPs kids there too as he will have his hands full with the 9month old, so the toddler can play with the older ones. he's obviously not confident enough to have both kids on his own.

Bumperlicious · 30/01/2010 14:20

YANBU, as the eldest of 5 it pretty much sucks having to be the responsibly one all the time. I guess I enjoyed at 11 but by the time I hit my teens I'd had enough.

The GF need to suck it up and cope with both on his own as his girlf probably does. If not soft play then why can't he take them somewhere he can cope. GF sounds like a twat putting the onus on your daughter.

moomaa · 30/01/2010 14:29

GF should still go regardless of whether your DD can go. He is being silly. You should only let your DD go if she wants to go.

My neice is 10 and loves coming to help with my two (3 and 19 months) and she is actually a real help but she is too young to be responsible by herself, she will do things like lift them to high surfaces and leave them, or not notice them doing something really stupid so I have to monitor too.

Morloth · 30/01/2010 14:39

If he wants DD to babysit for him then he needs to pay her.

narna · 30/01/2010 16:44

YANBU he is being cheeky.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 30/01/2010 17:05

As an aside it really isn't fair for dd not to be allowed to do something as her 5 year old brother wouldn't be happy that he was being left out. It's part of life that sometimes siblings will do fun stuff without other siblings and something he should be learning.

Angelcat666 · 30/01/2010 17:11

YANBU

If confidence is his problem then the best way to gain confidence is by having them both on his own iyswim.

I also agree with Morloth.

diddl · 30/01/2010 18:08

Thanks for that ruddynorah

I hadn´t quite understood.

God, he needs to get a grip, doesn´t he?

Well, they both do really.

When mine were that little & I was at home my "rest from the children" was often that we all went out together at weekends & I didn´t have sole responsibility!

pingviner · 30/01/2010 18:09

i would agree that this chap is being cheeky and out of order even asking for your 11 yr old as an unpaid childsitter. Fair enough, she may love babies and be a great help but to be invited out simply because she can be of use to him is horrible, the fact that he wont take your young son who would probably appreciate soft play just shows how blatently selfish he is.

Ask your husband why he is cheerfully bargaining off her leisure time to be used to support his inadequate mate? did it not occur to him that his daughter might have other plans and things she wanted to do on the weekend? He seems more worried about his mate and mates GF than whether its a reasonable thing to expect of his young daughter.

mrsbean78 · 30/01/2010 18:15

Whatever about asking cheekily for her help, to get in a huff because it isn't practical for you is extremely unreasonable of GF.

houseworkhater · 30/01/2010 22:19

YANBU-why can't he look after 2 small children, everyone else has too (myself included a few years ago!)
I wouldn't expect anyone else to look after my children in that situation, let alone an 11 year old child.

spybear · 31/01/2010 08:52

That is really rude. what about your 5yo DS, why aren't they offering to take him as well. That is entirely not fair to just want to take the older child because she can help.

Kathyjelly · 31/01/2010 08:59

If GF wants a babysitter, the going rate is £4 per hour. What a freeloader!

And I'd ask your daughter if she wants to go, I'm sure she'll say so if she doesn't.

Honestly, men!

LilyBolero · 31/01/2010 09:10

I think you should have asked your dd what she wanted to do. If she would have liked to go then perhaps it would be nice to have helped your friend out, if she wouldn't have wanted to then she shouldn't be made to.

Ime 11 year old girls LOVE being asked to help with little ones, and are fantastic at it. And actually, helping look after them at a softplay (where they're not in sole charge, and there are adults around) is good training for if they want to do babysitting later on when they're 14.

I also don't think your friend is unreasonable to want some help with a 9 month old and a 2 year old - I loathe soft plays with little ones because it is so easy to lose sight of them, and a 2 year old and a 9 month old would be VERY hard work - if you need to change a nappy then it's going to involve extracting the 2 year old etc. Or if you are going to go with the 2 year old, then the 9 month old will need carrying etc. Having an extra person there to hold the baby/watch the 2 year old can make a huge difference (and be someone to talk to!!!).

So, I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I think perhaps your dd might have enjoyed it, so you may be being a little bit unreasonable!

3LegsandNoTail · 31/01/2010 09:16

YANBU but I actively make a point of encouraging my children to spend time alone with their godparents (and they have different ones specifically for this reason) and that your reason number 2 wouldn't really factor into a decision I would make if it were me. But he is being cheeky and just wants a babysitter.

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