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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a bit PFBish or is friend being cheeky?

39 replies

madusa · 30/01/2010 13:19

yesterday my DDs godfather (who is also my DHs best friend) called and asked my DH if they could meet up at a soft play centre today. My dh told the GF (godfather) that he would speak to me and get back to him.

I said that it wouldn't be practical as DS1 has a tennis match and since my DH is one of our son's tennis coaches, he normally takes DS1 to the matches.

the GF the says that he will just take our DD (aged 11) to the soft play. I said to my DH that wasn't fair as (1)DD is too old and finds the soft play a bit babyish, (2) our little one (aged 5) wouldn't be particularly happy to be left with me and not taken out with his sister to soft play and (3) the only reason that GF wants to take my DD is so that he can sit back and let my DD watch his 2 year old son.

My DH got really huffy with me and said that I was being rude. He called the GF back and said that I had said no. GF says that if he can't take my DD, he won't go as he wanted my DD to help him with his boys (one aged 2 and one aged 9 months). That means that the GF girl friend (who doesn't work) doesn't get any child free time.

So should I let my DD be a babysitter in a soft play? I think it is too much responsibility.... if the 2 yr old gets hurt my DD will feel responsible. Both the GF and his girlfriend have their parents and siblings living fairly close to them so if they want a babysitter, surely they should ask one of their family members to help?

My DD adores babies and toddlers but I don't think she should have her good nature being taken advantage of.

We once went to a local farm (which includes a children's play area inside and out and rides for all ages etc) with them all and everytime my DD went on something, she was asked to take the 2 year old with her which meant that she couldn't go off and be a child herself.

Am I being a bit PBFish?

OP posts:

Veritythebrave · 31/01/2010 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 31/01/2010 09:45

The GF and your DH are both being unreasonable and your H is being a twat for saying you said no. Childish.

LadyBiscuit · 31/01/2010 09:48

I should imagine the OP's DD gets plenty of practice in looking after small children given she has a 5YO DS.

Yes it is hard work looking after a baby and a toddler at softplay but that isn't the OP's DD's problem. It's basically blokes wanting to have some time together whilst pretending to do childcare

princessparty · 31/01/2010 09:51

It totally depends if she wants to go .The GF probably thinks it would be easier for him if your DD takes his 2 yo round .If she likes toddlers and wants to play with him fine, if she doesn't fine.But to say she is being used as a baby sitter and is responsible if anything goes wrong is just being hysterical.The GF is there and responsible for both yours and his own children.he is babysitting your DD.

NoBiggy · 31/01/2010 09:52

If he wanted a favour, he should have asked for a favour. Not pretended he was inviting anyone out as some sort of treat.

ChippingIn · 31/01/2010 10:06

I would have asked DD if she wanted to or not and gone with that, at that age I also loved being a 'grown up' and 'looking after' the little ones, by 13 I was a fully fledged babysitter.

He was still being cheeky saying 'he would take her anyway' instead of asking if she would like to go along to help him out.

WRT to the 5 yo, that depends if they would have room in the car and how self sufficient he is once there.

11 is not too young to be responsible for a smaller one at a small play! What nonsense.

hairytriangle · 14/02/2010 00:36

whether a person is muslim or not, dogs are unhygeinic animals, and I had heard from muslim friends that they considered them unclean.

They lick their own arses ffs!

cat64 · 14/02/2010 01:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coldtits · 15/02/2010 11:22

It's grossly unfair to let an 11 year old go to soft play with the sole objective of using her as a child occupier. She will be left to deal with the 2 year old completely and may end up looking after the baby ytoo. Just because she can doesn't mean she should. You have already had experience of your daughter's freedom being curtailed for the sake of a 2 year old (at the farm) so you know it will happen again.

And I speak as the oldest of 3. My mother often 'used' me to occupy my clingy brother which meant I never got to do age appropriate things myself.

edam · 15/02/2010 11:36

Mean of him not to invite your 5yo. I think that does show that he only wants your 11yo as a babysitter, not for the pleasure of his company. So YANBU although 5yo does have to learn he can't always share his big sister's activities or invitations.

edam · 15/02/2010 11:37

her company, sorry, got confused with your cast of characters!

stealthsquiggle · 15/02/2010 11:46

I think in your position I would have put it to your DD straight and let her decide for herself. After all, she might see a couple of hours with small children who aren't her siblings as being quite fun...or not.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 15/02/2010 12:24

Agree with colditz. As if the time of your DD doesn't matter because she is 11? Does she not get a say or opinion? Poor girl, this man just assuming that she can be loaned out to look after other people's children.

They are his children, he should be able to occupy two of them at once, if he can't do it at soft play he should go somewhere else where he can.

ginormoboobs · 15/02/2010 15:18

YANBU
He only has 2 children. One of which is 9 months old.
What sort of moron can not manage to look after a 9 month old and a 2 year old in a room full of toys.
It's not like he will have to do very much. Put 9 month old in ball pit. Sit beside him on the floor and play with him. 2 year old runs off and plays. Glance at 2 year old and call him back every so often to check if all limbs are intact / needs fed or watered / nappy change etc.
Move around to different activities with 9mo , tell 2 yo where you are. Repeat as above.
Why doesn't he take them to the park. Baby in buggy / sling. Small child in wellies. Play with child.
I could see his point if he was going swimming.An extra pair of hands with 2 very young children is great , although not essential, when swimming. Soft play is just about the easiest place to take your children because it is full of toys! I would class taking my two to soft play as a break tbh and I am not one of those parents who leaves them to it and sits on their arse drinking tea , I stay with them and play with them. It is just good to not have to think about stuff while they happily play.
Does anyone have an 11 year old to loan me? I have 2 children and it is soooooo hard to watch them for an hour by myself.

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