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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In being furious at my brother?

61 replies

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 13:16

Story.

My brother has always been very tricky, always taking offense and falling out with people, imaging slights and holding grudges for years.

He doesn't really have a relationship with anyone else in the family now, but I have always stuck by him, listened to him moan for hours (and I mean hours) on the phone etc etc. He is never really that interested in me or my ds.

A few years ago I lent him money to help him buy his house, not a lot, about 2K, and he paid it all back (not in a lump sum, but I was ok with that).

More recently I lent him another 3K to help him out again (bearing in mind I am a single parent, so it was out of my savings). I told him in August I needed the money back by december, and he asked for my bank details, which I gave him. He didn't want to do a lump sum, but I had loaned it to him on the understanding I had it all back in one go.

He started being all difficult but finally agreed. wanted to do test transfers etc etc, which I just ignored.

December comes and goes, no money. Finally calls today asking when I want the money, and I said, well now. then he got started getting angry at me because "he knew I would be difficult and expect it all at the drop of a hat"

And it now denying that I ever gave him my details! Called me mad, and put the phone down on me!

WTF?

He is a doctor, btw, not married with no kids.

I sent him a text saying I thought he was being very ungrateful and rude, but just to send me the money, and he is now texting me saying I am making an issue out of nothing.

Am IBU?

I lent him money I could ill-afford, He agreed to pay it back by a certain date, didn't do it, blames me for not giving him my bank details and is calling me mad!

To honest, I just can't be bothered anymore.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 19:07

oh, I give up

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 19:10

Ah, anyfucker I guess you think I am in denial? I promise you I'm not!

I'll get the money this week, but its the way he is repaying it that is so shitty.

Promise to eat my namechange if I don't!

OP posts:
KimiLivesInStarbucks · 30/01/2010 19:10

ONCE YOU GET YOUR MONEY BACK DUMP HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 19:11

Indeed Kimi, my fingers are itching to press the delete on my phone...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 19:11

yes, I do RPO

good luck, though

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 19:16

I know AF, but I have never doubted I will get the money back, that is not the issue.

Its the controlling bullying around it that is the issue. And that is why he can count me out of his (now non-existent) family. I've done with his nonsense.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 19:18

good

but wait 'til you get the money before you tell him what a dick he is

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 19:20

might be a bit late for that!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 19:21

oh well

tell him from me, he doesn't sound like any sort of doctor I would want to take responsibilty for me or my family

thesecondcoming · 30/01/2010 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maristella · 30/01/2010 20:46

i dont think you're in denial as such. but at the very least his behaviour towards you and your other family members os absolutely symptomatic of cocaine psychosis (delusional, warped sense of entitlement, often mixed with a belief that people are taking the piss out of him, aggression, extreme defensiveness). team those symptoms with an inability to juggle sufficient funds....
sorry but his behaviour strongly indicates that there is a deeper problem here.
please don't ever lend anything that you can't afford not to get back, irrespective of who would like to borrow it.

maristella · 30/01/2010 20:47

ah sorry, that did sound brutal; i didn't want to be brutal, just honest.

AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 20:52

mari..you weren't brutal

but op ain't listening....

Dominique07 · 30/01/2010 20:55

I'd be tempted to remind him: That he is slagging you off, when (as you said) it seems you do ok enough to subsidize him as he trained (while raising your family)!

thesecondcoming · 30/01/2010 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dominique07 · 30/01/2010 21:07

And he didn't even get the money back to you before Christmas? Jeez.

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 22:14

I am listening! you are all truly lovely! but I know he is not a coke head, and while your suggestions do indeed fit that pattern, they equally fit someone with NPD.

I guess the proof is in the pudding, if he pays it back or not. He will, but like i said, that is not the problem. Its his viciousness when things don't go his way, and the total disconnect when I got pissed off!

This has been his pattern for the last 40 odd years, so I don't think its going to change anytime soon, nor is it to do with drug abuse. Blimey, if it were, at least he would have an excuse.

but I do take on board what you say, if he doesn't pay it back within a few days, then I'm on the first plane north to smack his face in. And he'll wish he did have a bloody coke habit....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 22:17

lol @ RPO

you are taking us in good part, I applaud you for that

are you a namechanger ?

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 22:20

Yes, changed names. Don't like to do really personal stuff under usual name.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 22:23

yep, thought so, and I bet I know you under your usual name...

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 22:25

ah well, mums the word, eh?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 22:29

< racks brains >

< head explodes >

ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 22:31

excellent. i can use your exploded head to lob at my ungrateful shit of a brother.

can you tell I am cheering up? Thank you all.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2010 22:34
Grin
ReallyPissedOff · 30/01/2010 22:36
Wink
OP posts: