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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that dh won't have sex with me at 9 months pregnant!

32 replies

Thandeka · 30/01/2010 07:08

I even want to which I know is unusual for this stage (39weeks) but he ain't budging, but grrrr he got me into this he should help get me out of it right? We managed to a couple of weeks ago no probs but time before that bub kicked him hard which freaked him out so now he is refusing and it's a bit hard to try and seduce him when every movement across the bed takes twice as long and involves grunting! But grrrrr I want this baby out now and think he needs to play his part in "operation get baby out". Oh and have to add he refused to give me a foot rub the other night because "he doesn't like feet", I did point out I don't like pregnancy labour or birth but it didn't work! Refusals of both the sex and the foot rub have left me feeling rejected and in tears. Harumph! Men!

OP posts:
skihorse · 30/01/2010 07:29

YANBU. It's his duty as the man who got you in to such a state! Does he realise this might be his last chance for at least 6 weeks?

traumaqueen · 30/01/2010 07:57

most definitely his duty and worked to kick start labour for me both times. But think I would still be pregnant now if I hadn't been Most Insistant second time round (DD is 16 ), DH was very unwilling.

IckleJess · 30/01/2010 08:11

I bet if you told him that ingestion of semen orally is supposed to even more effective in kickstarting labour he'd be up for it in a shot!

Men eh?

mumblecrumble · 30/01/2010 08:12

Not unusual to feel randy at 39 weeks. .... I was at 39, 40, 41 and 42 weeks...

Soundas like he's a but spooked by the fact you're having a 'with baby threesome' I;m sure he still finds you delicious and lovely.

GHood luck for your birth! Congratulations!

BrandyAlexander · 30/01/2010 11:40

YANBU. Hubby refused to go anywhere near me after 6 months as he was so freaked out! Congratulations!

drloves8 · 30/01/2010 11:51

YANBU - I think your dh is freaked out -"the baby is in the room " kind of thing . perhaps hes thinking if he can feel the baby (kicking) , the baby can feel him ? rolflol.
. the thing to remember - he will still fancy you like mad , so is cutting his nose to spite his face . poor guy.

BradSplit · 30/01/2010 11:52

god you dont want to force him?
tbh id not want to have sex with you.

hth

Maleeka · 30/01/2010 11:55

I dunno, is this your first? some blokes feel like they are harming the baby if they have sex.

I do know that at 39 weeks, if my oh had come anywhere near me, i'd have kicked him in his nuts, so i cant really comment

And as for the foot rub, ewwww sorry i dont like feet either

ShowOfHands · 30/01/2010 12:06

It won't work anyway. Of course there are people who went into labour while having sex. I went into labour while watching Kill Bill so that's proven to start contractions too. It's all coincidence.

Don't make somebody who doesn't want to have sex have sex, under any other circumstances you'd be hung out to dry for it.

Two4One · 30/01/2010 12:11

If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. not sure there's much you can/should do about that. Maybe he does find the presence of the baby off-putting, it's not end of the world is it?

Personally, I'm lucky because my DH doesn't see it that way but I wouldn't have been surprised if he did. I keep reminding him that this may be his last chance for a very long time... I think that spurs him on.

Apologies if TMI... but doing it on your side from behind is the best way at this stage. Then DH can appreciate your body from the back, touch the bits he wants to touch, but without being distracted by the bump.

I think this is very common - and understandable actually.

corblimeymadam · 30/01/2010 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

crankytwanky · 30/01/2010 12:25

YANBU!

I tried to make DH do it all throughout last pregnancy. Twas a sexually charged 9 months for me! He said he wasn't doing it if it didn't mean anything! He once shouted at me "I'm not a machine"!

Too sore this time around.

SoH, it does work; semen contains oodles of prostaglandin (sp?) which softens the cervix when applied.
It does not work when administered orally!

nannynobnobs · 30/01/2010 12:31

it worked to get DD2 out- I was going in to be induced the next day so thought we'd give it a final vigorous shot (arf arf)... Examining me the next day the nurse said I'd already started! Before that she showed NO signs of moving, however who can say whether its coincidence. Poor you, I think the foot rub refusal is just as bad!!

fernie3 · 30/01/2010 13:31

If you want to go into labour plan something nice for tomorrow - Mine came a week late and only after I planned a lovely day out the next day. She has been a little madam since that day!

ShowOfHands · 30/01/2010 16:07

cranky

"Does it work?
There's not much evidence that it does work. Of the small studies that have been carried out all but one (Tan et al 2006) suggest that sex neither helps to ripen the cervix nor to start labour earlier (Kavanagh et al 2001; Tan et al 2007; Schaffir 2006)."

It's generally believed that the concentration of prostaglandins isn't high enough.

And the oral ingestion thing is true. Prostaglandin from the semen is more efficiently absorbed through the gut and studies show that this is more likely to coincide with labour than trying to absorb it through more conventional methods.

In cases where it works it's coincidence or a case of you were about to go anyway and it buys you a couple of hours time. Babies come when they're ready in most cases and you can exhaust yourself trying to kick start it.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 30/01/2010 16:14

YABU

I can see why you want to do it but if he wanted sex to get the baby out and you didn't you would be complaining.

PeggysEvilTwin · 30/01/2010 16:37

Mine did not want to from about 26 weeks. Drove me mad because I was constantly up for it, as it were. Not like me, either, under normal circumstances.

Mooncupflowethover · 30/01/2010 18:02

My DH wouldn't go near me for the whole 9 months for both pregnancies. Really freaked him out!

diddl · 30/01/2010 18:16

Well, I don´t think you should tell him that it´s specifically to try to start labour.

But a man refusing sex?

Of course YANBU!

Booyhoo · 30/01/2010 18:16

mooncup i had a sneaky peek at your profile. your boys are adorable, cant believe how alike they are.

Original poster
Thandeka · 30/01/2010 18:56

hehe well as it happens was having some serious hardcore braxton hicks this arvo- cue DH running round waving "what to expect when your expecting" in a complete panic. The doorbell rang and it was a charity collector and DH was shouting at him my wife's in labour and the poor guy didn't understand so DH was apparently waving the book at him trying to get him to understand! The whole episode had me hysterical with laughter! Of course all BH's now warn off and all back to normal- upshot is though I am defo now too uncomfortable for a session and still finding DH too funny to be sexy at all!

hehe.

OP posts:
Mooncupflowethover · 30/01/2010 21:44

Booyhoo..Thanks . They are very alike, it will be interesting to see if they still are in a year or so.

Mumcentreplus · 30/01/2010 21:57

Ha! my DH didnt mind at all right perv

sweetkitty · 30/01/2010 22:09

As it took me a full 5 minutes to turn over and switch the bedside light out with my hips creaking in pain, I don't think DP would even suggest it right now, the joys of SPD.

He fortunately goes off it a bit when I am pregnant which suits us both.

We tried the sex to induce labour last twice and it didn't work, it's the least erotic sex ever and all it did was give me BHs, this time I am doing NOTHING to try and kickstart labour well apart from eating chocolate and sitting down.

Taramuddle · 30/01/2010 22:33

When I was heavily pregnant I felt I physically had no room left in me!!

Make him goto the shop and buy you a big bar of chocolate instead!

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