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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

does this seem OTT to you ?

63 replies

elmofan · 28/01/2010 11:50

its ds's birthday tomorrow , he wants to go to the cinema with five of his friends (dh taking them ) one of his friends has moved house & schools last October & although ds & x still phone each other they haven't seen each other since he moved away . so i though i would invite x so rang his mum ... first she wanted to know what time we would pick x up at , then what time movie starts at ( fair enough) then how long the movie is , & what time it ends at , then she wanted the names of the other children going with us , & although they already have my home pH number she wanted my mobile number & DH mobile number , after all this she said OK yes x can go & she will expect him home 15mins after the movie is due to finish so i am now worried that if the movie starts a bit late ? also the 15 Min's to get him home will mean he cant go to mcdonalds with the other children , these are 11yr olds by the way ... not toddlers .

OP posts:
Runoutofideas · 28/01/2010 11:53

Why is she expecting you to pick up and drop off? I'd be saying to her to come and get him at the end of the film then so you can get on with taking the other children off for something to eat. Has the child had specific issues with another child which may lead her to ask who is going?

Pineapplechunks · 28/01/2010 11:55

Did you tell her the plan was to go to Maccy Dees afterwards?

There may be(must be) some reason why she was worried about who else was going to be there, were there bullying issues between her DS and any of the others kids going?

If I were you I would have said I couldn't bring him home straight after the film as they're going to Macdonalds but will bring him home after that.

pagwatch · 28/01/2010 11:56

phone her back and say that you are concernd about the pick up time - it will be busy and you have other children too - so does she want to let you get their SAFELY at a reasonable rate or would she prefer to come and collect him herself . After all she knows what time it is scheduled to finish..

If she can't and is still uppity about the collection time than say ytou can't committ to that so he had better not come.

At the age of 11 - she is being ridiculous.

Rindercella · 28/01/2010 11:57

Yes, it is way OTT!

Original poster
elmofan · 28/01/2010 11:58

well yes i can understand her wanting to know who is going because her reason for changing schools was because her ds was bullied , so fair enough , but just seems a bit pfb imo

OP posts:
Astrid28 · 28/01/2010 12:46

If she went to the lengths of changing schools because of bullying, maybe she's concerned about him returning to the area in case he bumps into his bullies? As you say they aren't toddlers so are probably out and about at places like....cinemas.

I think that makes quite a difference and YABU not to mention it in the OP.

Slartybartfast · 28/01/2010 12:49

suggest she pick up and even take her child, and set her mind at ease about any possible bullying, tell her you will keep an eye on them in the cinema, assuming you will?

Booyhoo · 28/01/2010 12:56

i assume as she has agreed that he can go, that means she has no concerns that any of the other children present were the bullies so why would she need him home immediately the film ends? also, i would get her to pick him up.

Original poster
elmofan · 28/01/2010 13:04

i explained to her from the start that it was not a party as such just a trip to the cinema & then off for something to eat , & the other children that are invited are also her ds's friends so no worries with him bumping into any of his bullies etc , but she just said OK then & she will expect her ds home 15 Min's after the movie ends .. i rang her before ds had the chance after school today to phone x as i wanted to check with x's mum if meeting up again with his old pals would be OK & not unsettle him , but she reassured me that he loves his new school & would be fine with seeing his old pals . i just thought it would be nice for him as he phones my ds 3-4 times a week anyway ,

OP posts:
maryz · 28/01/2010 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
elmofan · 28/01/2010 13:25

maryz you were right not to let your ds go .
Me & DH will be taking the boys tomorrow , his mum knows this , i am also a qualified child carer so he is in safe hands would dread the thoughts of letting five 11yr olds on the loose to do god only knows what

OP posts:
TottWriter · 28/01/2010 13:31

Given the situation you have described, it seems a bit OTT for this woman to be so prescriptive in times and such, and to effectively want to make her son miss out on the bit of the 'party' where he would actually be socialising with his old friends. There's not much talking going on while watching a film, is there?

If she's that hug up on him being home right away, why on earth can't she come pick him up and not mess you about when you have other children to worry about? Is she working or something?

Original poster
elmofan · 28/01/2010 13:41

no tottwriter , she is SAHM like myself , but in all fairness i offered to do pick ups & drop offs but i thought i would be able to take all the children home together as they all live within 5mins drive of each other & all in the same direction , now i am going to feel terrible taking one child home alone while leaving dh in McDonald's with the others , poor x will miss out , actually i wonder if she would mind if i got her ds a takeaway meal from McDonald's to take home with him seeing as he is not allowed to stay with the others , i might phone her again in the morning .

OP posts:
Original poster
elmofan · 28/01/2010 13:42

also x is an only child so i thought he would enjoy the company of his pals for a few hours .

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 28/01/2010 13:47

Yes a bit..dont get the straight home when the film finishes..do they have other arrangements or something?

Romanarama · 28/01/2010 13:57

I'd just tell her that the film ends at x o'clock, you're going to McD's for approximately x minutes afterwards, and she can collect him from the cinema or McDs if she wants, and otherwise you'll bring him home when the party's over, at approximately x O'clock.

LEMhasgonetothedogs · 28/01/2010 14:16

just tell her you are going to Mc Ds afterwards and would she like to come with you? That way you dont have to make her feel like she is being PFB, which she so isn't. It might be that her son actually feels nervous about it?? You are right though, be nice for him to get to see his pals - however, is he friends with the other boys? That might be hard for him if he only knows your DS. Maybe you could arrange a separate outing for the pair of them, if you had time etc

Original poster
elmofan · 28/01/2010 14:45

thanks everyone i will phone her again in the morning an invite her to meet us at McDonald's , that way if she wants to she can take x home whenever she likes , her ds is also good friends with the other boys so no worries there .

OP posts:
Original poster
elmofan · 29/01/2010 14:55

i rang x's mum this morning to ask if it was OK to let x get a meal to take home with him after the movie only now she has told me that her DH will be going to the pictures with her ds so does that mean i pay for her DH also ? this is getting weirder by the minute tbh

OP posts:
claw3 · 29/01/2010 15:06

Stop asking her and tell her what the arrangements are.

Original poster
elmofan · 29/01/2010 15:10

I did tell her claw but she just told me out straight that her husband will be going along too ... we have never met him before so i think its going to be a bit awkward .

OP posts:
claw3 · 29/01/2010 15:14

Tell her no parents are invited, but her dh is more than welcome to go and grab himself a cup of coffee while you lot are at the cinema.

The party is for cinema then for something to eat. If she doesnt want her ds to stay for food, then her dh can pick him up.

Original poster
elmofan · 29/01/2010 15:20

thanks claw but I'm not going to phone her back at this stage as we are due to pick up all the children at 4pm so ill just leave it now , DH reckons we will have to pay for her DH as it will look rude not to but it just feels a little bit insulting as it seems like she doesn't trust us to look after her ds this child hardly ever gets invites to parties , starting to understand why now tbh .

OP posts:
diddl · 29/01/2010 15:21

You shouldn´t be paying for the father as he has effectively invited himself!

shushpenfold · 29/01/2010 15:28

Don;t pay - their decision to attend, nowt to do with you!