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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

does this seem OTT to you ?

63 replies

elmofan · 28/01/2010 11:50

its ds's birthday tomorrow , he wants to go to the cinema with five of his friends (dh taking them ) one of his friends has moved house & schools last October & although ds & x still phone each other they haven't seen each other since he moved away . so i though i would invite x so rang his mum ... first she wanted to know what time we would pick x up at , then what time movie starts at ( fair enough) then how long the movie is , & what time it ends at , then she wanted the names of the other children going with us , & although they already have my home pH number she wanted my mobile number & DH mobile number , after all this she said OK yes x can go & she will expect him home 15mins after the movie is due to finish so i am now worried that if the movie starts a bit late ? also the 15 Min's to get him home will mean he cant go to mcdonalds with the other children , these are 11yr olds by the way ... not toddlers .

OP posts:
Original poster
elmofan · 29/01/2010 15:30

would look rude not to pay for him now , but i have a good mind to make him up a goody bag along with the childrens lol

OP posts:
PrivetDancer · 29/01/2010 15:31

haha, yes, do it

cat64 · 29/01/2010 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sassybeast · 29/01/2010 15:34

Am sure they won't be expecting you to pay for the hubby. I would just leave it as it is - maybe they've had some issues or have stuff going on which explains why they are behaving like this.

shushpenfold · 29/01/2010 15:35

Agree with cat64 - would not look rude at all and her's is a really good suggestion too!!

MadamDeathstare · 29/01/2010 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
elmofan · 29/01/2010 15:44

good idea cat but dh wouldn't do that ,
her ds rang my ds a 6.50am this morning very excited .. woke us all up , I've just been told by bf x mum lets him do whatever he likes as he is an only child.
privatedancer going to make up a party bag for the dad , lets hope he has a sense of humour eh

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PfftTheMagicDragon · 29/01/2010 15:46

good grief what nobbers!

No, don't pay for him! It might well look ruse but I think that would make the point perfectly. I would get all of your tickets and hand them out, asking him if he was going to get his.

If he says anything, say you only brought a certain amount of moey with you as you weren't planning on additional people.

claw3 · 29/01/2010 15:56

Elmo, pay for the dad and then invite your family to Sunday dinner at theirs, that should learn em!

Put it down to experience. Hope your ds has a great birthday.

maryz · 29/01/2010 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5Foot5 · 29/01/2010 20:13

Very weird people. Fancy feeling you have to stay with your 11yo at a party!
I thought I knew some protective parents but this is a whole new league.

Let us know what happened.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/01/2010 20:24

Bumping for an update maybe the friends dad fancies the op

dawntigga · 30/01/2010 08:23

Marking my place as I am very nosey would like to know what happened.

Moi?ASickyBeak?Tiggaxx

Original poster
elmofan · 30/01/2010 09:36

hi sorry i didn't get a chance to log on last night as it was late when we got back ,
ahh poor x's dad seemed very embarrassed tbh we felt sorry for him , we paid for his ticket in (much to his objection) but he refused anything to eat to which my dh pipped up " oh elmo brought a goodie bag for you too" , i made dh sit beside him & i sat at the other end with all the children in the middle , dh went out while the ads where on & bought hot-dogs for everyone so protectivedad did eat that
dh & protectivedad actually got on very well as i had to shush them up for talking during the film more than the kids
they even stayed for the McDonald's he text his wife told her they were in McDonald's with us , while we were there he said " his wife always sends him with their ds to gate crash kids parties" lol i had to laugh at that , but it was a good day in the end ,
protectivemum rang me at 8am this morning to ask my ds over for a play-date next week & i told her would have to get back to her to see if dh was available lol

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Goblinchild · 30/01/2010 09:43

It's a good thing that the other mothers didn't ask you if he'd been CRB checked as they didn't want an unknown male with their babies!
You seem to have been very understanding about the whole nonsense, and believe me the person who has benefited most is your son's friend. With a mother like that he's going to need examples of rational behaviour as a balance.
Are they Y6 or Y7? She's going to really struggle over the next few years.

Original poster
elmofan · 30/01/2010 09:58

goblinchild - we are in Ireland so its 5th class over here which means the boys will be starting secondary school in sept 11
god help x then
i felt a little bit for x actually as we were taking photo's of all the boys sitting together in McDonald's x wouldn't smile , protectivedad kept shouting at him to smile , then turned to me & said they don't have any photo's of x smiling i am a firm believer in being protective of children but i just think his mum is excessive imo .

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TrickyTeenagersMum · 30/01/2010 10:14

Elmos it does sound odd but just as a thought let me terll you about one of my ds. He has ASD. We don't tell everyone as it is pretty mild. But I do worry about party situations much more than I would otherwise, as he can go off on one - combination of excitement, break to routine and lack of boundaries. She may be worrying for your sake, not his!!
My ds feels terrible afterwards if he ends up crying/freaking out in public situation, especially if in front of his peers. A nice game of bowling, say, can be v difficult to handle for him, he can get ridiculously comeptitive/argumentative and fall out with teh other kids over nothing at all. As a result, he can end up on the wrong end of group dynamics with saddening ease and end up having a really rotten time.

Or she night be a neurotic control freak. In whci case feel sorry for her kid and let him have some fun with your ds.

Original poster
elmofan · 30/01/2010 10:32

tricky , it must be very stressful for your ds to deal with ASD , & i would fully understand if i had a child in my care with a condition like that , they might need a parent to comfort them in a group situation iykwim .
in x's case his mum just seems to be smothering him a bit too much , when i spoke to x last night i asked him about his new house & school , he seems to love his new school , but he said his mum doesn't let him out to play at home after school as all the boys in his area are into sport & x wouldn't have anything in common with them , as he is into computers like my ds.
his mum has been known to almost interview children when she lived near me to see which children had the same interests as her ds , my ds is very like minded "gadget kid" we call him , but i think children should be allowed to make their own friends not have them hand picked iyswim .

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TrickyTeenagersMum · 30/01/2010 10:53

Oh dear, she does sound odd. I bet your family is like a little ray of sunshiny normality in her poor kid's life.
Thanks for your kind words about ds - he is getting a lot better but yeah, it's heartbreaking sometimes. So often I pick him up, ask how an event went and get "everyone was being mean to me"

Original poster
elmofan · 30/01/2010 11:07

my ds always stood out at parties when he was very little as he was always the "hyper" child running around all the time
i remember once when he was 6yrs , he went to a school pals birthday party , when i went back to collect him the mother announced out loud " oh how do you cope with a child like him" i was mortified & upset & cried for the rest of that day over it , in the end the school requested we had ds tested for ASD & ADHD , the tests results came back clear & we were told ds was very bright & he was acting up because he was bored . thankfully he has calmed down a lot now he is older but i know how heart breaking it can be when your child stands out .

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TrickyTeenagersMum · 30/01/2010 11:17

Hi Elmo, That's really interesting and encouraging. Ds is 7 and has a "working diagnosis" of ASD ie it might be, it might not. He is also pretty bright, when he did the non-verbal reasoning test (ie putting red n white cubes together, etc) with the ed psych he finished it, and it's meant for up to 17 year olds. How have things worked out for your dc now he's 11?

claw3 · 30/01/2010 11:23

Elmo, Trickyteenagersmum has a good point, that would explain a lot.

or as she says the mother could just be a control freak!

LOL@ playdate, you will see if your dh is available, did you actually say that or just think it?

Glad all went well.

Original poster
elmofan · 30/01/2010 11:43

claw no i actually said it too her lol she went a bit quiet ah well she got a few free hours of freedom yesterday to herself so why can't i ha , I'm only joking as my DH wouldn't go unfortunately
tricky your ds sounds great ,
my ds was tested when he was six , we were told he was three years in advance of his age group , so we were advised to skip a year in school , but that would have meant that he would going into a classroom of almost 8yr olds so we decided to keep him with his own age group , the thing was with my ds is that he seemed very immature in some ways but yet he could fly through the school work of a 9yr old iykwim , the consultant that tested ds sent his school a very snotty letter for not recognising how advanced ds actually was . now he is doing great in school & he is even helping his teacher to upload the new interactive white boards his school has been given ,

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claw3 · 30/01/2010 11:59

Elmo, i would have found that funny and the goody bag too!

Perhaps some of your humour will rub off on her and she will lighten up a bit.

TrickyTeenagersMum · 30/01/2010 12:05

Elmo that sounds really hopeful. The school is now letting ds do maths in the class above which he enjoys (told you he was odd!)and though his behaviour can be v immature I do fel we are making progress. We even has a best friend now (who reciprocates the friendship, it's not just all in his head) which is fab. I wonder if maybe he isn't even asd at all - I suppose time will tell....
Oh - and good luck with the party - sure it will al1 be lovely.

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