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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

was I BU to say that my collegue takes too many sickies

64 replies

porcamiseria · 28/01/2010 09:59

I am fuming, my collegue (who I am very fond of BTW) has sent yet another pathetic sickie text. Its any excuse, a headache, tummy ache, period pain, and she bails. also between Xmas and NY when she was supposed to be working she only did 2-3 hour days. Its almost 1 day every 2-3 weeks she is off.

I dont think its fair, and I bet you any money if she did not get paid for these days, she would be here.

I am in the eary stages of PG, sick and tired. I would LOVE to take a day off but I dont want to take the piss.

So today I flipped and told our boss he needs to have a quiet word. Now I have extra work, and I feel pretty shit too.

Feel a bit bad as she is a mate, BUT it riles me beyond belief and work, is work

OP posts:

sarah293 · 28/01/2010 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ajandjjmum · 28/01/2010 10:02

No you're not. He knows she's probably taking the piss, unless she has some condition that causes continual problems.

GetDownYouWillFall · 28/01/2010 10:02

She is a mate ? I think YABU to go behind her back like that. Let the manager deal with it - surely they have attendance policies at your work?

StealthPolarBear · 28/01/2010 10:04

I think the issue between you and your boss is that you are overworked and stressed.
The reason for that may be her sickies but that is an issue between him and her

chocolaterabbit · 28/01/2010 10:05

I don't think you're being unreasonable in mentioning it - would your boss know if there was a disability or something which could be the underlying cause?

Don't do her work for her though, let her face up to it when she gets back.

Fruitysunshine · 28/01/2010 10:05

If it were my friend I would be having a word of concern with her asking if there was something going on with her health rather than just assume she was taking the piss. Maybe she is but don't you think she is due the benefit of the doubt?

StealthPolarBear · 28/01/2010 10:06

she may not have the sort of job were thats an option

cakeywakey · 28/01/2010 10:07

It was really any of your business - it's something for your manager to deal with. What are your sickness absence policies like? At my work, once you hit a certain number of days off in a set period, it triggers tough questioning and a visit to occupational health. Seems to shock a lot of people out of it.

echt · 28/01/2010 10:08

Bit of confusion here.

You say she makes "pathetic sickie" texts. Are you a doctor?

Your manager should be dealing with this, but it's none of your business. If you are getting extra work, deal with it as a regular imposition which needs a contingency plan and get your manager on to it.

If you are sick and tired during your pregnancy, how is taking time off taking the piss?

Avoid conflating your real fatigues with what you imagine to be her unreal/minor ailments.

Chillohippi · 28/01/2010 10:09

If I was your 'mate' then you could consider the friendship well and truly over.

StealthPolarBear · 28/01/2010 10:11

yes, presumably she tells you why she's off as a friend. If you weren't her friend you'd have no idea. In your situation it would wind me up too, but it's up to you boss to deal with (or not) as he sees fit.

Original poster

porcamiseria · 28/01/2010 10:12

I know I was BU, I just flipped when I got the message. But I think she does need to get the message that she is taking the piss. she has low morale right now (as we all do after a shit 2009) , but she has NO health problems, she is just fucked off and lets a tummy ache/head ache sway her against coming in. she is also being a tad negative, she moans she does not have enough exciting projects but when I give them to her, she does not progress them! She has a very low mojo, and I am sympatetic, but I dont think sweating in bed at home is the answer

she has done this before, and we have a long histiry of crappy absenteeism on my team.

ugh, feel bad now.... but in parallel its not a good way to act at work, and does her no favours. I think she needs to learn that too, sorry

OP posts:

Mongolia · 28/01/2010 10:14

Having been in the same situation I don't think you are unreasonable. There was a girl at work that she was always down with one thing or the other which meant long hours for me, which I wouldn't mind if they were unfrequent but it was every single week. There was also my line manager who was always off on Mondays, 3 out of 4 she will ring sick and to be honest she sunded rhough on the phone but she was also a heavy drinker and for some reason nobody had put together the relationship between her drinking and her absences after weekends or bank holidays.

It went so bad that I ended up doing the work of 3 persons and even cancelling holidays to cope with their sickies as work had to be done any way. What I found worse was that one day I woke up with a migraine, I rang work to tell them I was unwell but hat taken some tablets and if I felt better later I would pop in in the afternoon. Before lunch my boss rang to ask me to get there as there where other 2 people that didn't feel well and needed to go home. When I got there I was the one in the worst condition but still they were sent home and I taken over their duties.

I don't work there anymore, but I understand that since I left the one who was left picking up the pieces of their sickies was my boss. Since then a very strict policy has been introduced where after after 3 sickies in consecutive weeks you are sent for a check up with occupational health. Nobody gets sick (or drunk) anymore, apparently.

YANBU if its happening very often, if that person is really sick they need to get someone else to help you.

StealthPolarBear · 28/01/2010 10:15

as you feel so strongly (and I can see why) you need to tell her I think that her regular sickies are making the rest of you miserable. If you genuinely do know they are for headaches/tummy pains etc

Mongolia · 28/01/2010 10:17

BTW These 2 people were my mates too, but I think the friendship was just one sided, nobody dumps all her work on a mate to pull a sickie regularly. If a one off, fair enough. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

rubyslippers · 28/01/2010 10:18

YABU

if you feel ill, then you take a day off

don't be angry with her because she does!

I agree with the others who have said that there will be a sickness policy in place and her absences noted

there may be something going on that you have no idea about

Original poster

porcamiseria · 28/01/2010 10:20

I really wish I had posted here before I said anything. I am a bit hot headed and I flipped. fucking hell.

UGH

going to do some work now

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 28/01/2010 10:26

porca - I have huuuuge sympathy. We have one constant absentee in our dept (not for illness though). It causes a lot of disruption for us all. I would love to say what I think to him and his manager. BUT I wouldn't. We all just let off steam by bitching about it in the office . It's just selfish and unfair.

I think you should have spoken to her about it. And let her now how fed up with it you are.

Hulababy · 28/01/2010 10:27

YABU.

I had a lot of time of sick with similar symptoms in the past. Since the birth of DD 7 years ago I had increasing levels of pain every month, evenually so much so I could hardly stand at times, and it made me physically sick. It was discovered eventually that I had adhesions on the uterus, caused by my c section. I was literally having 1-2 days off work a month for over a year I did eventually - over a year after my dx though, and the dx probably took a year or so before that - have two ops and hormone treatment resulting in several weeks off work after each op.

Comments were made, but there was nothing I could do about it. The comments just made me feel much worse, and very guiltly - almost leading to depression at times whenit was really bad. The financesdidn;t come into it. Had I not een paid, I still could not have worked.

I am currently on my 4th week of sick leave trying to recover from pnuemonia - although now at another job. I have no idea if my GP will sign m as fit for work tomorrow. I also have no idea how long I get as paid leave.

Some people are just unlucky, and don't have absence free working lives.

flowerybeanbag · 28/01/2010 10:28

YABU. It's really annoying but it's none of your business. Your boss knows how much time she is taking off and will hopefully do something about it as and when he feels it's necessary, not when you tell him to.

I do have sympathy though.

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/01/2010 10:28

Orm do you still have that bloke who goes home when his wife can't open a tin of beans or whatever?

There is one bloke in our dept who is always late and it pissed us off. Our manaeger just laughs it off and calls him a lazy git.

Hulababy · 28/01/2010 10:30

Oh, and initially I told nobody about the reasons for my sick absences. I didn't know the actual cause. Once dx I only told one manager and noone else. So there is no way anyone, even closer coleagues, wiuld have ben able to say if I had a health condition or not.

holdingpattern · 28/01/2010 10:31

YANBU ... all you've done is highlight your concern. Now its upto your boss/company.

Big deal.

If she's ill, or underlying prob then they can deal with it fairly.

And there are plenty of people who take the p*ss, ooo I have a headache, I'll take the day off. Who wouldn't if they wouldn't get paid.

Original poster

porcamiseria · 28/01/2010 10:36

FWIW I only feed bad as I am very fond of her, if I did not like her or was not mates I would have said something and not given a shit. Work is work at the end of the day. Its just as she is a mate I feel VERY shit and wish I had spoken to her direct instead.

Unfortunately I have said what I said, speak in haste, repent at leisure

OP posts:

upahill · 28/01/2010 10:42

I understand where you are coming from porcamiseria. I work in a small team for a fairly big department. Our team attendance is good. No one out of the 5 ofus has been sick in last 3 years BUT we share desks and computers with the other teams. People talk about taking a sick day as if it's an addition to their a/l! Comments I hear are things like 'I woke up with a bit of headache so I thought best not come in!' WTF!! When we had snow most of us live within 3 miles of work but suddenly the sickness level went up mid week!! All the rest of us walked in or got the bus on the main route and walked it from there. A emailed a very good friend from a different authority two weeks ago. I got a reply last week apologising for not getting in touch sooner but been off sick. 'What's up?' I asked. He has run out of leave so had to put in a sickie!! SOME People do take the piss!!

That said we have a senior head of department who has been off for nearly 24 months. He has been in and out of the office but he is bloody well struggling to walk and it is horrible to see him in pain.

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