Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect these things from DH?

29 replies

MamaVoo · 28/01/2010 09:00

OK, this is probably going to sound really petty, but I want DH to make me a cup of tea once in a while! I spend all day with a 2yo who never stops. Once I've put him to bed I cook dinner for myself and DH and sometimes I would like my DH to make me a cup of tea in the evenings. If I ask him he just whinges and puts off doing it until I do it myself and then - and this is what really annoys me - asks me to make him one too. He can't understand why I'm getting worked up over a cup of tea but to me there is a bigger picture.

The other thing I would like him to do, which he seems to think is unreasonable, is to get up a little earlier in the morning so that I can have 20 minutes or so before he leaves for work to have a quick shower and get myself ready for the day in peace. He leaves himself the bare minimum of time in the morning to get ready for work then comes downstairs and is gone within about five minutes. Considering that he doesn't get home from work till after DS is in bed I think this would be some nice time for them to spend together too. He's not willing to do this every day though. Just a couple of times a week.

To qualify, he does work hard and also does things around the house. So, am I being unreasonable to expect just a little bit more? I can take it if MN says I am.

OP posts:
akhems · 28/01/2010 09:01

I don't think you're unreasonable at all.. he probably does tho :/

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/01/2010 09:02

YANBU.

ChippingIn · 28/01/2010 09:02

YANBU - both of those are more than reasonable requests - you shouldn't even have to request them!!

WhatNoLunchBreak · 28/01/2010 09:03

MV, have you sat down specifically to talk to him about these two issues? If so, what happened?

honeybehappy · 28/01/2010 09:04

Depens what his job is, my DP works outside most of the day and i wouldnt expect him to make me tea if he had left at 7am and didnt get back till 8pm. My dp does get up early to wake the DC up though coz he hates not being able to see them.

FlamingoBingo · 28/01/2010 09:04

YANBU

Tell him that my DH gets up early enough to do a quick tidy up and get the dishwasher on, and get a wash on so it's ready for me to hang up when I've done breakfast; and then runs me a bath and wakes me up so I can have it before the DDs wake up, or if they do wake up, he can look after them until I'm finished.

Then he gets home from work and takes over at least 50% of the house/child work.

Bloody hate men who think they're more entitled to a rest after a day's work just because their day of work is paid

FlamingoBingo · 28/01/2010 09:06

Honey - my DD is out of the house from 7.30am-7pm. I am working hard myself all that time too. Just because I'm not paid, doesn't make my work any easier - harder in many ways. We both deserve a break.

Fair enough if it's too early to wake the DCs, but not to early to get a few things done to make the day easier for the mum.

honeybehappy · 28/01/2010 09:10

DP knows how much i do in the day but sometimes i dont do much apart from looking after the DC and they are 2 and 4 so are easy to amuse aslong as they are in a good mood.If DP gets in early he usually takes over with the DC and makes dinner but i dont expect him to do it.

Mumcentreplus · 28/01/2010 09:17

YANBU imo...he should make you a cuppa..its would be really nice of him...and waking a bit early to help out ..its about helping each other surely?..making life easier
I really dont think you are asking very much..have you told him how much this would help?

Nancy66 · 28/01/2010 09:34

I think you're being a bit OTT - it's a cup of tea. Takes, what, 30 seconds? If he doesn't want to make it, do it yourself. Don't turn it into a big deal.

You said yourself that he helps around the house and is a good dad.

differentnameforthis · 28/01/2010 09:47

I don't think it is about a cup of tea, Nancy! Not really!

I think the OP would just appreciate a small gesture that is made for her! We all know how it is, you run yourself ragged looking after children, the house, cook dinner for the kids & yourself & hubby....

A cuppa in the evening from her dh is maybe how she feels she is appreciated! It is not too much to ask!

OrmRenewed · 28/01/2010 09:49

YANBU.

Although possibly the morning thing is beyond his control. My DH is useless in the mornings but I have long accepted that. He makes up for it later.

honeybehappy · 28/01/2010 09:52

OMG am i the only one that thinks this is crazy? Looking aftere a 2year old is not exactly hard.

OrmRenewed · 28/01/2010 09:54

It doesn't matter how hard it is, it's about respect, honey.

Nancy66 · 28/01/2010 09:56

the OP has just turned one tiny thing into a big deal. If she'd said he was a complete shit in every way - fair enough. But she says that he works hard and does his share of housework. Ok, so he just doesn't enjoy making tea. No big deal. Make your own.

Original poster
MamaVoo · 28/01/2010 09:57

differentnameforthis you have hit the nail on the head, it isn't about the tea itself, it's about a small gesture of appreciation. Surely it's these small gestures that we do for each other that help keep a relationship healthy?

honeybehappy, I'm not saying that looking after a 2yo is hard but it is exhausting, just as much so as going out to work can be.

OP posts:
BornToFolk · 28/01/2010 09:58

Sometimes looking after my two year old is sheer joy, we have lots of fun and laughs, sometimes it's a bloody nightmare when he's having tantrums etc. But it's always hard work! My paid work is much easier.

But anyway, making a cup of tea isn't much to ask and it does make you feel appreciated.

anabellapity · 28/01/2010 09:58

make your own tea, shower in the evening instead - no stress???

Original poster
MamaVoo · 28/01/2010 09:59

Off out to do the shopping now. I'll check back when I get home to see what the general consensus is.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 28/01/2010 09:59

YANBU - he should want to take care of you, and he doesn't seem to. Explain that you too need some TLC from time to time!

Tamarto · 28/01/2010 10:00

HBH Do you live in her house? Do you know what her child is like?

Funnily enough not all children are the same.

nickelbabe · 28/01/2010 10:05

YANBU.

my OH works over 6 days and on his day off he wakes up and makes my breakfast.

his normal working day starts at 6, so he's up at 5.
he comes to my work at lunchtime and makes my lunch and a cup oftea.

in the evenings he will make me a cup oftea when we're sitting down.

he doesn't need to be asked to do any of this, he does it because he loves me.

(in return, i get out of bed when his alarm goes off and turn the landing and bathroom lights on! i think i get the better end of the deal )

especially if OP's DP doesn't have to deal with the DCs in the evening. i think it's a perfectly reasonable thing.
she's not upset because he won't make her a cup of tea, she's upset because he thinks he shouldn't need to do little things for her.

honeybehappy · 28/01/2010 10:06

No Tamarto i dont but i just meant in general

Mamavoo does he ever ask you to make him a cuppa or does he do it himself?

Tamarto · 28/01/2010 10:09

"If I ask him he just whinges and puts off doing it until I do it myself and then - and this is what really annoys me - asks me to make him one too."

74slackbladder · 28/01/2010 10:15

YANBU. I think we may share the same DH.
Like many other posters have said its not just the actual cup of tea that matters it more about respect/consideration etc.
Looking after a 2yo can often be more exhausting & demanding than a full day in the office in my experience.