Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to want dh to help me prepare for the mornings with DC

69 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 12:13

Following on from my friends nursery situation, got me thinking bout my own.

Atm ds1 is at Nursery in the morning 8.50am till 11.50am.

I get up at 7am to have a shower, and get myself dressed and sterilise/make ds2 bottles (he has 4 bottles and has 1 for bedtime, and one for during the night) and take out the food to defrost for him for that days meals, and set the table for breakfast (toast + porridge and juice for us) (Now 7.45am)get children up and dressed for Nursery and leave the house by 8.25 to get to school for 8.50am.

The Night before, I iron all of our clothes and make dh lunch) , and get ds1 changing bag sorted (on days we have play groups/hospital appointments etc) and also tidy the house.

Dh is fab, not putting him down in any way (sort off) as he does bath the children, make tea, put a washing on etc... all normal things, but he does not help out in the morning, he wakes up at 6.30am, and leaves the house by 7.25 and he only gets himself sorted and does not do the table for breakfast, take ds2 meals out, wash bottles etc... all little things but would help me loads, as ds1 needs a feed at 8.15am (always and I am knackered with it all (stupid) knackered with the school run, knackered with ds1 feeding times, as its always in the times I need to pick ds2 from Nursery, and tired as I get up at 7am, and dont get to bed till 11pm, and when I start back work (evenings) in march its going to be even worse

I have asked him, but still nothing changes, Im sure he thinks I am wonder woman at times, I just need a little help.

AIBU to be more stern at him, to take me seriously.

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 14:01

He does not do everything in the evening at all, when hes bathing the boys I will do the dishes, and he jumps in the shower, and I will get the children dressed ready for bed at 7.30, I will then feed ds1 and put him to bed, and dh will read ds2 a bedtime story for bed.

Dh will then put a washing on/ fold clothes from the dryer etc... I will then iron all clothes for the morning and clean the kitchen and dining room table/worktops.

Then wait for ds2 to get his 11pm feed and go to bed, dh will play on xbox etc...

OP posts:

LaDiDaDi · 27/01/2010 14:15

I'm really struggling with the ironing issue and the laying the table tbh.

Dd gets a bowl and a spoon with braekfast in that she carries from the bench to the table. I give her a drink at the table. No laying of the table needed imo. Also, stop sterilising, I bet he puts all sortsin his mouth that isn't sterilised.

Most mornings I get dd (3.5) ready and sort out ds (5 weeks) to be at nursery for 9am. Admittedly we don't have to leave the house until 8.50 but still, I manage it.
Now I agree that you will have major issues when you get back to work, you will be exhausted, but I'm still not sure what your dh can do in the mornings to help you with this unless you want to get the dc up earlier??

BetsyLittleson · 27/01/2010 14:15

Do your bottles on an evening. Don't bother setting the table. Take food out the evening before. Don't iron and go to bed early and let ds2 wake up when he's ready to.
I don't sterilise, I don't iron (not even df's work shirts at the moment, jumpers are great ) and he does his own lunch. I do as little farting about as possible - kids have toast or simple cereal for breakfast.

Df leaves for work at 4.30am and gets back at 6pm. He's bugger all help to me during that time and I just crack on with it.

I need to be out of the house by 9.10am with 4 under 4's - I try and make life as simple as possible so that all I have to do on a morning is give them all their breakfast and get them changed ready to go. I try to be ready to go by 9am at the latest. I go to bed at 9pm, 10pm at the latest. Dd3 will wake at 12am and 4am for feeds and then I'm up at 6am either on my own or with whichever one is awake then.

Things will have to change when you go back to work but tbh, it seems like you're creating more work for yourself than you need to be atm.

ruddynorah · 27/01/2010 14:17

do you have to wait for the 11pm feed? could you go to bed earlier and then wake for it? or could you do the bedtime bottle and dh do the 11pm bottle? he'll be doing them all when you're back to work anyway won't he?

do you know you don't need to sterilise bottles?

and am not sure what the defrosting of the food is about? is this weaning cubes or something? can he just have normal food like you have in the day instead? and anyway, surely just taking a pot out of the freezer is no hassle?

GypsyMoth · 27/01/2010 14:19

i have 5 dc to get up and ready. and no dh!! lone parent.

organisation is key,which you seem good at. but i agree,drop the table laying/sterilising/ironing....

allaboutme · 27/01/2010 14:30

As it stands at the moment there is no issue - you are effectively SAHM and therefore its perfectly fine for your DH to get himself ready for work in the mornings and you to sort the children.

However, when you go back to work, you will be a SAHM all day until 5pm when you go to work, then you will work till 2am, come home and have less than 5 hours sleep before doing it all again, on your own, with no more sleep.
It sounds physically impossible to me.
You will make yourself ill, seriously. Especially if you are struggling at the moment.
You MUST sit down with DH and think through other ideas or you'll go mad with the stress and something will give.
ANY way of getting extra childcare so you can sleep in the day? A swap with a friend where she has them a couple of mornings a week and you have hers a couple of afternoons?

Original poster

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 14:45

There is no one to help us out, all either at work or at university, and children are either in childcare or GP look after them. I have no family here, and dh parents work F/T

We cant afford childcare, I do have to stress I am used to these shifts, I have done these shifts for the past 5 years, but now with ds2, we have more work, and also ds1 is now at Nursery. So I need to start prioritising more, and also to fit quality family time in there.

I will drop the ironing, table still needs set (dh hand made the table so it needs a table cover on it) and I will make cereals or toast, but the bottles I will get dh to do on the evening.

We are going to try and bath the boys every other day, instead of everyday, as that will give dh time in the evening. and I will iron the boys clothes on a Sunday for the week (Our clothes get very crumpled, even when in the dryer, so do need ironing) and tbh I dont want to go out with messy crumpled clothes.

OP posts:

Beachcomber · 27/01/2010 14:55

Sympathies with your DS's allergies.

My DD1 was allergic to everything under the sun was she was small and I seemed to spend half my life making up frozen pots of the foods she could have.

She went to a childminder because I worked but I had to make up all her food/snacks to take with her. It does create a lot of work and a lot of pots to wash even if the quantities are small.

BTW she has grown out of a lot of her allergies, I hope the same happens for your DS.

2rebecca · 27/01/2010 14:59

If the table needs a cover on it then why not just leave the cover on? Our oak table is permanently covered by a wipe clean plastic coated sheet thing that you buy in a length from John Lewis in the material section. It's great and looks pretty. I rarely bother taking our mats off the table, they just get wiped down.
I quite like daily baths as kids wind down during them, but agree they aren't necessary.

Original poster

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 15:00

Thankyou BC, I am hoping the same also, even if he grows out of just one of them, it will make life alot easier.

Sorry about your DD allergies also, but glad she is out grown most of them x

OP posts:

Beachcomber · 27/01/2010 15:12

Thank you, she is 6 now and things have improved a lot in the last two years.

She had a good bout of chicken pox 2 years ago and some of her allergies went after that, her allergist says she has heard of allergies improving after a childhood disease.

Also we have been told (by HCPs) to be careful with vaccinations.

[Allergy hijack over!]

mazzystartled · 27/01/2010 17:10

honestly I think you have had lots of sensible suggestions made here and yet you are still rattling on about the detail. you may be used to these shifts but not with 2 kids to look after - and i think you need to consider whether it is really sustainable

if your ds1 is old enough you could use your 3 funded hours a day to cover some of the time that you need to catch up on sleep and get stuff done so life can work happily - it seems you don't want to consider that.

i bet if you looked hard enough you could make enough savings on your expenditure to cover the rest. or ditch your savings plan temporarily, and go interest only on your mortgage for 2 years till your ds2 is in nursery.

your dh washing a few bottles isn't going to make much difference. so I have to conclude YABU!

2babyblues · 27/01/2010 17:21

I think while you are not working that you can't really expect him to get much done apart from get himself ready as he leaves quite early anyway. However, when you go back to work if you work those hours surely you are doing 36 hours a week plus looking after your children (therefore way more than full time) so you should expect more help then.

coldtits · 27/01/2010 17:29

You are trying to get too much done in the morning and at night. Do these things in the day. Take the hings out for defrosting last thing at night. Leave a permanent wipeclean cover on the table, then wipe and relay straight after dinner. Lower your standards. You have 2 small children, it5 is not realistic to expect to fit all your jobs into the times when your husband is around. You are going to have to do it in the day.

Original poster

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 17:50

I have took all the posts on board, but without going into detail about my household outgoings, you will not understand MazzaS.

We do not have anything we can reduce costs on, nothing, we cannot get a interest free mortgage as we fixed rate until 2013 (we have aksed, nationwide refused) the ony way we can get out of the fixed rate, is if we pay the clause (3,000)

I am not dismissing anybody's posts have took them on board, Our situation is this, I have to do these hours so we can buy everyday stuff, food, clothes, shoes (spending money) and £50 gets spend on savings. We dont go out, or if we do its to somebody's house, where I will get a bottle of wine, and dh some cans etc...

Dh incomes pays the bills only, mine pays the everyday things.

Things are tight, and I cannot give up work, we have no one help in the day,(except Nursery) Yes its hard, and I will be doing some of the things that have been suggested in here, to make it easier for us, but for now (well march) my working hours are not changeable, and I cannot move to a different office. (all have been asked, and declined).

But Thankyou for all your posts, I have took all on board.

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 27/01/2010 18:00

sorry - I was getting irritated before because I really truly am sympathetic but you seemed so fixated on the tiny things when the issue is bigger (and also because I know that personally I would be wasted on 5 hours sleep a night)

Can you and DH work out a list of all the stuff that needs to get done (including you having a decent chunk of sleep to catch up on your rest) to make sure things run smoothly, and then work out how you are going to do it between you. And I think that does mean your dh taking on more in the evenings when you are at work and looking at the nursery options. Can you get your name on the list for an afternoon slot at least?

Original poster

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 18:14

His name is on the waiting lists for the afternoon slot and the 2.5 full days. (they do this also).

When the children go to bed tonight, we are going to sit down and see what things are important to us and whats not.

but mostly prioritise as before I was thinking everything needed done, (what we do now) when really this is not realistic at all.

Most importantly for me is also, I want some quality family time, as looking at it, its all work and no play (in regards to the children and hubby etc) x

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/01/2010 18:56

I think from your OP, you are being unreasonable at the moment. If you are at home all day and your DH is working full time, he's already doing lots by coming home and making the meal, doing the washing and bathing the kids. TBH if you are home all day I would expect the meal and washing to be under your remit.

Once you are both working the tasks should be split but it sounds like they are anyway, you do the morning work and he does the evening work. Makes sense given he needs to leave in the morning and you leave for work later in the evening.

Ironing every night sounds a chore so I'd just blitz it once a week when you dont have to work. Find something faster for breakfast and laying a few bowls out doesnt take ten seconds anyway so cereal is quick and easy.

morningpaper · 27/01/2010 20:00

I don't really think there is a possibility of quality family time during the week when you are both working TBH. Just enjoy your weekend day off and make the most of the days that you are at home with the children.

Flip

1 2 3