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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my sons belongs keep going missing

35 replies

freshcleanwashing · 26/01/2010 12:37

Sorry guys wasn't meant for it to sound like I was planning to steal for a child.
Son started school and he has two things go missing so im very angry about this and a few mums have said the same item of there kids has go missing to.

OP posts:
thedollshouse · 26/01/2010 12:40

Since January ds has lost 4 pairs of gloves, a scarf, 4 hats, his pe top, a polo shirt and 2 school sweatshirts. They are all named.

I am starting to lose my patience with him, I asked him what happened to the latest school sweater that he has lost and he said "I chucked it on the floor and then when I went back for it later it wasn't there."

I need to get him to start taking more responsibility for himself but not sure how.

Original poster
freshcleanwashing · 26/01/2010 12:49

Thanks thedollshouse I know they are young but how does it happen and where do the items go to.
I accidently left money in his bag for school dinner and it went missing my fault,I forgot to hand in to the teacher,and then I bought him a new item say and it was missing when I went to collect him so that really made me angry.
A friends said to me get used to it you will label items but they will still go missing what can you do?

OP posts:
BobbyTheBird · 26/01/2010 12:50

Unfortuantely this seems to be common in all schools! My 11 and 9 year olds have lost so much over the years I have lost count. DD's jumper went missing a while ago and a month later, one of her class mates was wearing it and DD saw the lable with her name on sticking out.

Unfortuantely some people just don't give a toss.

DD has brought someone elses PE kit home by mistake one, I washed and dried it and returned it to the other child the very next day

kinnies · 26/01/2010 12:53

It happened to me and every other mum I know.
Pissed me off no end. Your only hope is to keep puting their name on stuff and nag them about looking after things.

stickylittlefingers · 26/01/2010 12:54

DD's stuff seems to disappear all the time - her expensive (and very nice) school fleece went missing for two terms, but did turn up again. I only buy really really cheap gloves and hats so that I won't care if they get lost so much!

I wonder is half of it that because school uniform stuff looks the same, if little A takes little B's item of clothing, little A's mum just washes it and sends it back without noticing it's not little A's. I think this happened with the fleece - someone suddenly realised it wasn't theirs and it mysteriously reappeared.

Tis annoying tho, I agree.

SE13Mummy · 26/01/2010 12:56

It's incredibly frustrating when children lose things at school but thedollshouse is right, they need to be taught how to take more responsibility for their belongings.

Ask in school so you know what they're expected to do with sweaters etc. when they take them off; should they hand them on their peg/tie around their waist/put them on the back of their chair etc.? Once you know what the system is you can reinforce this with your son. You also need to find out what happens with random items when they're found during the day - some teachers set up a box into which all strewn about clothing is placed and parents/children can rummage through at the end of the day.

The other thing to do is to label your children's property in the most obvious way you can think of e.g. label gloves on the outside of each wrist and sweaters on the inside of the collar (as opposed to on the label inside). If your child knows where to look to find name labels etc. it may help to reduce the number that s/he loses. Whatever you do, don't sew initials/secret codes/'unique' buttons etc. into clothing in the hope that will make it distinct; it's a pain when parents say they've labelled children's clothes only to discover that they've cut out the labels/used some secret code to identify the item. It may work for them but in a school of 300+ we teachers need to know exactly who things belong to if you want them returned... secret codes will result in the item being put in lost property.

stickylittlefingers · 26/01/2010 13:05

Wow, I have never heard of secret codes being used! It's like the Mission Impossible approach to school uniform.

Some folks is Maaad

SE13Mummy · 26/01/2010 13:10

The secret codes are usually things like an 'X' stitched into the left wrist!

GooseyLoosey · 26/01/2010 13:14

When I pick up my dcs from school, if they do not have every item of clothing with them that they arrived with, I will not let them leave until they have searched everywhere it can possibly be. This can take a long time and the dcs hate it, but they are now very careful about where they leave their jumpers.

ln1981 · 26/01/2010 13:14

Am glad to see others have the same problem! Ds1 regularly comes home without his jumper-i have spent a fortune on them in the last two years and have told him i will not be buying any more until he starts primary 3(which is ages awaY!) slightly harsh probably but he will learn the hard way! and the most annoying thing is they are all labelled, even the pe kit that he keeps losing.

At xmas, i went upto class with him and on about 4 desks there was a mass of clothes-you name it, it was there! We managed to get a jumper,2scarves, 2pairs of gloves and 2 hats back.

And I know of one wee boy who has actually lost several coats in the last few months! How do you manage that?!

ln1981 · 26/01/2010 13:16

didnt mean glad in a smug way btw, just that i am not the only one with the most frustrating problem known to motherhood!

Bramshott · 26/01/2010 13:23

What age is your DS? I think at primary you need to be quite pro-active and go into school fairly often and rifle through the lost property / around the classroom (if you're allowed). At secondary I gather it's a whole different ball game . . . !

nannynobnobs · 26/01/2010 13:23

It is infuriating, especially when the item is clearly and obviously labelled! DD1 lost so many jumpers and cardies at infant school, now when she comes out of primary I send her back in unless she has everything. I get her cardies from matalan at £3 a pop now so even if it gets eaten by bears we can just get another. Trouble is, most other parents do the same so all the cardies are identical...
(thinking of sewing a big orange 'X' on to the back)

Romanarama · 26/01/2010 13:25

I so sympathise with this. I bought some hats from the pound shop the other day as so fed up of buying things just for them to go missing. Labelling with proper, clear, name tapes is obviously sensible, and I find the iron-on ones difficult to remove, so good to counter the kind of parents who decide it's 'finders, keepers'. To avoid theft (I'm sure it's parents rather than children in primary school who decide to keep things that obviously aren't theirs) you could also embroider an initial somewhere obvious if you can be bothered, or buy clothes in more distinctive colours and designs. Someone suggested to me putting an extra nametape down the sleeve, but I can't see it would be very easy to check for it as you're only likely to see stolen clothes on the children aren't you?

I also remind my children every single day to put the things they take off inside their bag and not on the ground.

kitkatsforbreakfast · 26/01/2010 13:27

I'm the same as gooseyloosey. After getting totally fed up with things not coming home, we don not leave the playground until I have checked through the backpacks that everything is there. Yup, boring, yup, time-consuming, and yup, a teensy bit embarrassing for the dc, but, no more fretting whether the £80 blazer will ever turn up again. And ds1 is improving, albeit slowly.

SleighGirl · 26/01/2010 13:31

One of the parents wrote a note and put it in all the book bags of classes around her son after both of his school jumpers went missing. It was friendly and just asked people to double check. I think 5 jumpers were returned to their righful owners that week!

OtterInaSkoda · 26/01/2010 13:35

I think some of this is inevitable - I mean, I've lost count of the cardis, brollies and so on I've lost as an adult.

What is infuriating though is when labelled stuff goes missing and it could only have been lost within the school grounds. When it doesn't turn up in lost property you know that it's sitting in someone else's house - or on some other dc's back!

The money going missing is quite serious imo though freshcleanwashing - did you mention this to the school?

bruffin · 26/01/2010 13:47

Having spent a lot of time sifting through the lost property at dcs' primery it astonishes what items can sit there for months and not claimed.
Coats and shoes- do people not know these things are missing!

It gets even more frustrating at secondary, specially when you are miles away. DS lost his PE kit all labled and they have their initials printed on it and it turned up 8 months later. He has lost his glasses I don't know how many times and countless usb sticks!

DD lost her swim kit within 2 weeks of starting!

CardyMow · 26/01/2010 14:23

I started to buy much cheaper things for school after one incident. My DD moved schools in Y2, and she had a (particularly nice) £45 coat. Which was named. Which got taken. It was quite unique anyway. Another child who didn't have a coat at all took it home, I discovered it a week later in the playground, on said child! I asked the mother to return it, she refused despite the name tag, and started screaming at me in the playground that if I had enough money to buy a nice coat like that I could afford to buy my DD another. It had been a present from my Aunt and Uncle. I was not happy. Now I name-tape things AND do obscure things like put name tapes in coat pockets as well, and sew initials on things. And write in indelible marker. All the other mother was told was not to do it again.

CardyMow · 26/01/2010 14:24

Never got the coat back either...the Head allowed her to take it home 'to wash it' and she just never put it back on her DD or brought it back.

messygarden · 26/01/2010 14:28

I have sewn nametapes onto the outside of many of DS's items:

-outside of hat
-outside of gloves

Some mums even sew names on the outside of polo shirts

that way if another child accidentally picks up and puts on your child's stuff, it should be immediately obvious.

other items - put the name in the most prominent place you can

Bramshott · 26/01/2010 14:31

Loudlass!

claricebeansmum · 26/01/2010 14:41

DS has had 2 complete sets of sports kit go missing at secondary school. Light fingered pupils in the extreme. I label all PE kit on the outside - then it is less likely to be "borrowed".

CaptainUnderpants · 26/01/2010 14:41

Blimely Loudlass - what that mother did re your childs coat was blatant theft !

It doesn't surprise me when kids go home with other kids jumpers etc but when the parents dont bother to notice - thats is what gets me !

I too am waiting for a coat to be returned - some litte shit child picked it up from classroom - DS name in it , haven't seen it since .

got2loseit · 26/01/2010 15:00

My dd lost a coat for the best part of half a term. it only turned up at the the end of the year. We have also lost polo shirts and cardigans. My ds also lost a coat which turned up next day.