To work out how little my DH respects me by...

[PavlovtheCat]

the way he butters and cuts my toast?

He gave me some toast today, and he had not buttered into the corners, as he knows i have to have done. He also waited til the toast was stone cold before buttering one of them, and then spread jam haphazardly over it, with lumps - there were bits of unmelted butter on it, and dry bits at the edge.

Then, he puts the peanut buttered toast on top of the jam one making it sticky.

And then cuts it any old how, not cut all the way through, and not in half, sort of 1/3rd & 2/3rd at angles.

I have been with him 13 years. 13years. He used to pay attention, do it how i like, now it is sloppy. The respect has gone.

Well...AIBU?

Sorry Pavlov, but I do think you have toast/butter issues not just with DH but stemming from your childhood. Your anecdote above was rather telling.
Sometimes the birth of a baby brings all these negative emotions to the fore and you may be projecting your toast issues onto him.
Have you thought about counselling? I would urge a few individual sessions first...
Regarding toast:
-If you did not Butter it
-And did not Cut it
-You cannot Eat it

dh once told me to butter the corners of his bread. i left him for three months

shit you not.

you dh need to read 'take it like a man, make it for your woman' by woo woo gobshite

i have to say the cup oftea thing is resonating for me, though:

i like to have the spoon in my cup while i drink it, so that i can continue to stir it (it's a sugar thing)

my ex always always always took the spoon away, then would tell me i didn't need the spoon.

in contrast, my new OH puts the spoon in for me, and on the occasions he's forgotten, he's gone and fetched me a spoon to use!

You ladies simply don't understand the complex symbolism involved in the making of tea & toast.

By not spreading the butter into the corners he is marking his position as Alpha male, and as such someone who should never be asked to make the toast.

It's clearly far too complicated for me to explain here - & I certainly have no desire to make the numerous references to kittens & flowers that you feminine types would undoubtedly require before you understood the concept.

However, should you wish to learn more, ask your husband to buy 'Line in the Toast' by Wayne Kerr, and get him to explain it you in simple terms.

Must dash, have to make the toast before she starts wondering where I am. The bruises from last time are only just starting to fade.

i just showed DH this thread, in the hope of saving our marriage.

He said you are all a bunch of witches

I have a divorce appt on Friday to discuss the fact that

1. He is sloppy in his toast making.

2 He has complete disregard for the role of MN

A quickie divorce is likely.

That's so sad Pavlov, but if he refuses to listen - what are you to do?

DP has only ever made me toast once (spreading butter on etc.) and I got violent D&V afterwards. He has not done this since, which is probably for the best (or I'd be worried that he's trying to do me in).

Now mine blew up the toaster so I didn't ask him again.
And he never makes a coffee for me but will make himself one and drink it with slurps.

And he SHORTENED my name.

My DH does this. I like butter in all the corners, all the way to the edge of the crusts and just a scraping of Marmite. I get an island of butter with dry teasty edges and enough Marmite to sustain me for a year. But then, he has never done it right.

In his defence, he feels the need to tell me how he wants his every single time I make it -"with lots of butter" yes I know, I have been making it like that for 10 years I do remember- so maybe he just assumes that we're all forgetful.

YANBU

serenity and babyicebean are you sure it was not done on purpose? in order to relieve them of toast making duties? I would be careful with that...before you know it, your microwave will be broken, and the dishwasher...

My WORD Pavlov - you're right! He also does heinous things like use margarine instead of butter.

The man is clearly insane.

Is this dry weetabix with jam/butter on?

oh yes snowflake it would be very odd to have it covered with milk first would it not . It would be difficult to spread and not taste very nice i am sure. Go on...try it.

i got 3 slices of toast this morning! However, i had 2, done pretty well actually, slightly burnt around the edge but i actually don't mind that.

However, the 3rd, not buttered into the corners, and NOT CUT AT ALL. Just brought in and passed to me. There is a dry burnt bit.

How passive aggressive

gowithit ? how so?

why are you still there subjecting your children to this behaviour?

I wont be soon. I have told him i am so angry i am going to take the children to the park.

He said, and get this, that 'i only made the 3rd piece of toast because DD ate your other slice, no because of your witches thread' the cheek.

Friday. My appointment is on Friday

'If he was feeling in the right 'space' he would know a BF'ing woman would want 3.'

Well you got your 3rd slice, didn't you? But it was deliberately unpleasant, with a total disregard for your feelings. He didn't even bother to cut it. That final slice is hugely symbolic. His respect for you has withered into that dry burnt bit of the neglected toast You need to get out of this toxic situation now.

This sort of thing makes Hully so angry.

it also makes hully sad

phew. i thought you were saying I was being passive aggressive then. For a moment, I thought he might have logged onto the other computer

Look how you live in fear of his criticism. It's tragic, it really is.

lol op!!!

I don't think it's a laughing matter