To work out how little my DH respects me by...

[PavlovtheCat]

the way he butters and cuts my toast?

He gave me some toast today, and he had not buttered into the corners, as he knows i have to have done. He also waited til the toast was stone cold before buttering one of them, and then spread jam haphazardly over it, with lumps - there were bits of unmelted butter on it, and dry bits at the edge.

Then, he puts the peanut buttered toast on top of the jam one making it sticky.

And then cuts it any old how, not cut all the way through, and not in half, sort of 1/3rd & 2/3rd at angles.

I have been with him 13 years. 13years. He used to pay attention, do it how i like, now it is sloppy. The respect has gone.

Well...AIBU?

I think you need Women's Aid

wukter yes you did red that right! When i was a wee girl, on occasion my brother would drink ALL the milk and bread before the rest of us got brekky (he was 10 years older, going through an epic growth spurt) and my mother did not have time to nip to shops before work/school, so she would give me butter and jam on weetabix. And, from time to time, i like to go 'back there' so to speak especially if i am poorly (or, pour hot milk and tons of sugar over it, mash it to a pulp). Barking, i know, but not as barking as not spreading my butter right into the corners.

Oh I have not seen support like that in a long time bruxuer thanks!

Got confused with the peanut butter toast on top of the jam one.

But I still have only jam.

is he having trouble adjusting to the new baby, are you understanding HIS needs (abetadad emoticon)

I do like them both together from time to time. But only if i do it. I absolutely could not expect DH to get the quantities of that right. DH has butter on toast and jam/peanut butter/marmite/whatever sweet, but not with savoury, he prefers mayo only

He is having trouble adjusting to the new baby - he only gave me 2 slices. If he was feeling in the right 'space' he would know a BF'ing woman would want 3. And his needs - well his needs are to get my bloody toast right to avoid me kicking him out .

wukter do not knock it until you've tried it!
weetabix with butter and jam is heavenly!

nickle isn't it just?

Ahh yes. Your marriage is well and truly over. (Though personally, I like a bit of unmelted butter on mine.)

This goes beyond a joke! My DH, after 5 years STILL puts too much milk in my tea- Not much milk in tea, lots of milk in coffee- not hard to understand, then I have to get up, pour out the tea and make it again properly! If you don't butter into the corners of toast, it's too dry! Men eh?....

nibbly Zactly.

How do manage your DH's lack of respect?

When dd1 was born dh brought me hot buttered toast with marmalade at virtually every feed.

This time round the toast is a bit thin on the ground.

DD2 is having a growth spurt and where is he? Upstairs in bed with a stomach bug, that's where . I expect he'll be wanting a glass of water taking up at some point or he will be complaining of dehydration. Selfish git.

What is it with the arrival of second and subsequent babies that turns the father into toast avoiders/toast nazis?

He's seeing someone else - and saving all his toast buttering skills for her.

sorry...still laughing at kbear's suggestion of leaving printed thread in washing bin so he'd see it.
a)Men don't ever SEE things
b) Washing basket? Do men know they exist?

tiger he is so selfish! Tell him to get over his 'illness' and get your toast. You are so right about the 2nd child thing. With DD, he would get me toast any time of the day and butter it correctly. This time, it is all taken for granted. We should probably have words. or, maybe i should text him from bed...

Weetabix with butter on is very nice IMO.

turtle you are so right about not seeing things, especially the wash basket. DH has a habit of putting his dirty clothes on TOP of it, slung, like he does not know it is there!

have you read 'toxic toast making habits of horrible men' by narcissia passifagressif?

Pavlov I have no idea how to manage it- You've done more time than me- I moan about it and then he goes 'make your own tea if mine isn't good enough' Sometimes he even puts in DS's whole milk by mistake and tries to sneak it past hoping I won't notice, but I always do...

YANBU - and I'll bet there's someone else buttering his muffin. Divorce him now.

Pavlov make his tea with too much sugar, too little milk and say you forgot how he likes it.

text him... yes that's a good idea

dh, you will be needing some dioralyte or you may dehydrate. while you're in the kitchen, do you think you could see your way clear to providing me with two slices of toast, medium brown, lightly buttered (real butter mind, none of this I Can't Believe It's Not Artificial crap) with a generous dollop of thick cut marmalade. To be presented on a silver platter alongside a cup of builders' tea - not too much milk. And don't forget to smile and whistle cheerfully whilst preparing the above. Chop chop.

Eleanor - i have just bought that from Ebay, thanks for the reading suggestion.

tiger i love the text, i think it is perfectly worded, well toned. He will appreciate it.

Mine was more direct, he likes to be told things straight up and in an easily understandable way..

'plz make toast proply in ftr, or no nke. ta'

hmmm yes the direct approach might work better

I can't do text speak unfortunately [gimmer] so my texts do seem to be overly wordy to those not used to me