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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider not going to my sister's wedding?

61 replies

PhDMum · 26/01/2010 10:33

I love my sister, and would love to see her tie the knot - but I just don't know if I have the energy for her wedding.

My reasons are as follows:

I will be 34 weeks pregnant by the time it comes around, and it is a 4hr drive from my home to the venue. My DH doesn't drive, so the transport will be down to me.

We have DD1 to think of. She will turn 2 the day after the wedding - so not only will we have to make her travel for hours in the car that weekend, but she will also end up not having a birthday this year. (Though I know she won't notice this herself, it doesn't stop me feeling guilty).

It is going to cost a fortune. The wedding is at 2pm, and we were planning to spend the night afterwards at the hotel where the reception is being held, thus driving home the next day. I have only just realised that because we can't book into our room until 1pm (actually unusually early for a hotel) there won't be enough time dump our stuff and get ready before the big event. This means we either a) arrive at the ceremony straight from a 4hr car journey with a toddler who is invariably carsick, or b) bite the bullet and pay for an extra night at the hotel to guarantee we can book in a bit earlier - doubling the cost of the whole venture.

I have nothing to wear, and look hideous whilst pregnant. I have tried ordering a couple of potential outfits online, but everything I try to order comes back 'out of stock'. I know it is her day, not mine, but I can't bear the thought of turning up and having so many people see me in such a state.

Am I just being incredibly selfish, or can I justify missing this event?

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 26/01/2010 11:51

you cant miss it! honestly,I hear what you are saying, but YABU and she will never forgive you, be unselfish for this one special day

lolapoppins · 26/01/2010 11:57

If you were my sister I would totally understand if you didn't want to come. I would probably even say to my sister that she didn't have to come if she didn't feel like she was up to the hassle.

compo · 26/01/2010 11:58

'i personally wouldn't like to be 4 hours away from my hospital/midwife so close to my due date, to be honest.'

their are hospitals all over the country

at both births I had never met the midwives delivering before

I'm really surprised by some comments on this thread

StealthPolarBear · 26/01/2010 12:03

ohh yes that's a good idea, stay the night before and then leave at 8/9pm on the day itself, putting toddler 'to bed' in the car. That way you'll be travelling back on deserted roads and get back about midnight. You'll be knackered but get back to your own bed and not have to do the journey on the sunday morning

paisleyleaf · 26/01/2010 12:12

We had a family wedding on my DD's birthday and it worked out great.
It was her party really.
We brought birthday cake, everyone sang, there was dancing, presents, family.

I can understand it's looming on your calendar. But I hope you feel up for going nearer the time, as I don't think you'd be sorry.
It'd really worth trying to book that night before.

AuntieMaggie · 26/01/2010 12:18

A lot of hotels offer a room for people to get changed in that are attending the wedding - can you or your sister ask about that?

Other than that I think you should go.

noblegiraffe · 26/01/2010 12:31

I went to my brother's wedding which was a 3 hour drive away when I was 39+2 weeks pregnant. I didn't want to drive so I went by train, took my maternity notes and checked out local hospitals. My main worry was going into labour during the ceremony!

The journey wasn't fun at all, but I was so pleased I made it and my brother and his wife really appreciated that I'd made the effort.

Finding an outfit was a pain in the arse. Blooming Marvellous do nice dresses for pregnant ladies, but only moderately pregnant ones. In the end I got a smart pair of black leggings from Blooming Marvellous and a nice floaty top from Red Herring in Debenhams, which wouldn't have been my choice if I wasn't pregnant, but which looked fine.

Original poster

PhDMum · 17/02/2010 10:31

I'm sure that no-one is still looking at this thread - but I thought I would just round it off anyway. The wedding is next week, and I am intending to go. We will be spending the previous night a bit nearer the venue than home, but not at the unhelpful hotel actually on-site.

I found a dress that I love. I will be wearing this which is surprisingly flattering (if people are only looking at me straight on - in profile it is not so great, but then nothing is at 34 weeks. At least I can bear to face a photographer now!) Not cheap, but worth it for the extra confidence it has given me. I will also be dressing DD in an outfit to die for. Her clothes are always much nicer than mine, and always look so much better on! It is a real pleasure seeing her in nice stuff.

The driving I am not looking forward to, but DH and I have taken the Monday off work, so I have a bit longer to recover and DD can have a small party fairly close to her birthday.

Thank you all for your kind help and suggestions.

OP posts:

DebiNewberry · 17/02/2010 10:39

So glad you are going and have found ways to make it work. That dress is really pretty.

Hope you have a lovely day with your family.

upahill · 17/02/2010 10:42

Have a good time PHD. I like your dress!

gandj · 17/02/2010 12:56

Glad you decided to go. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time and your sister will appreciate the effort you've gone to. Your dress is beautiful and the plans re driving and taking extra time sound like they will work well.

Hope your little one has a fab 2nd birthday too!

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