Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know I am, but grrrrr!

44 replies

ButterPie · 23/01/2010 14:16

DP works full time and I am SAHM to DD1 (2.10yo) and DD2 (2 months old). Today is DPs day off and he has done nothing but rub me up the wrong way! I know he isn't doing it on purpose, but I need to vent so I don't snap at him.

Right, we wake up to the sound of DD1 shouting for us (well technically I was awake as i was bf DD2 in bed). DP rolls over and pulls the covers over his head. I unlatch the baby, thinking that as he works all week, he deserves a lie in, and as I am getting out of the bed he says he will be up in a minute. I said that I was just going to get DD1 and bring her back to our room while I got dressed, then we would leave him in peace. He got up and started getting dressed in a strop saying he couldn't relax with me and the kids there.

We all got dressed and came downstairs, I said that yesterday I bought bacon and eggs for us to have a special breakfast and who wanted some. DD1 shouted "me, me, me!" and DP grunted, so I started to cook breakfast for all three of us. Half way through, DP starts making fun of how I was doing the scrambled eggs (wrong pan, too much butter, I didn't heat the pan enough) and took over. He then asked why i was cooking so much food for just me and DD1.

Oh, and he was also moaning about the music I was listening to, so i changed it to music that i know he likes. i left the room for a minute for some reason and when i came back he had turned it off and was trying to find a radio show on iplayer. When he couldn't find it he just turned the computer off entirely

I asked what we should do today, he said he has to go into Newcastle (about half an hour away on public transport) to sort out his bank (which is a whole other story, but boils down to him not even noticing when £525 went missing from his account. He only earns £180 a week so that is a huge amount of money to us. Needless to say, I am now definitely taking over running all our finances) and I suggested we make a day of it, maybe take the kids to a museum, have lunch out, that kind of thing. I'm still limping from spd so find it hard to get out very much during the week. He said that sounded awful and that it would be entirely pointless and that we should spend the day in the house. I later found out that his football team are on tv today. Why couldn't he just say that he wanted to watch the game? He could have even watched it in a pub while I looked at dresses or whatever with the girls in Newcastle, then we could have all had a wander about the city.

So, his football game started on tv. I needed to get some household admin done (i try to do it in the week but for various reasons had a pile of filing of his payslips and bank statements - that he is somehow incapable of doing - waiting to be done) so I asked him if DD1 could do her colouring in the living room so he could keep an eye on her. He moaned and groaned but agreed, but twice already (she has been in there 45 minutes) I have found her in the bathroom by herself with the door shut (she is potty training, but he could easily stand and watch the game and her at the same time rather than leaving her unattended in a room where he keeps forgetting to put his shaving stuff out of her reach for a start)

I said I fancied at least going down to the local shops to get some meat and veg in. he said that he would go and i could stay in the house with the kids. When I said that I only really wanted to get out of the house and give myself and the kids some fresh air, he started grumbling and moaning and saying that we would take twice as long with me and the kids slowing things down (I wasn't aware food shopping was a race...)

And so on. Loads of little niggly things, but they take on massive significance when I have been looking forward to the weekend all week as the time when i could actually get stuff done (obviously I try in the week, but things are so much easier with another adult about, plus I actually like spending time with the man for some reason )

Sorry, I know IABU, he has been working all week and doesn't know what it is like spending 24/7 with the under 3s, but I had this idea of us looking round the kids activities at the museum, looking like something out of a catalogue, and instead I am in the kitchen feeding the baby and he is barely tolerating the toddler being in the same room while he watches football.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 23/01/2010 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyintheRadiator · 23/01/2010 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amialoneinthisone · 23/01/2010 14:22

You all get dressed in the morning without having a shower first?

honeybehappy · 23/01/2010 14:24

YANBU you work all week aswell you know!!!

My DP works very hard all week from 7 in the morning sometimes till 8 at night and he hates not seeing dd's. Weekends are family time in our house and i get to go have a bath for a couple of hours or whatever while dp plays or just watches tv with the dc.

Working FT is not an excuse to act like an idiot. Do you take it in turns to have lie-ins at the weekend?

honeybehappy · 23/01/2010 14:25

amialoneinthisone what a helpful comment that was

NellyNoKnicks · 23/01/2010 14:26

I agree YANBU, he may have been at work all week, but what does he think you are doing all the time he is out of the house?

My DP works 6 days a week and is reluctant to do much at the weekend (because he is shattered)- but is never snappy like that with me... and really makes the best of his time with our DS. Sounds like your bloke needs a kick up the arse

amialoneinthisone · 23/01/2010 14:26

Sorry, I was getting lost in the level of detail provided and it jumped out at me. Was just curious.

Haven't got the AIBU part yet.

amialoneinthisone · 23/01/2010 14:27

It wasn't a comment btw honeybehappy, it was a question.

LadyintheRadiator · 23/01/2010 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amialoneinthisone · 23/01/2010 14:30

Really?? And you still felt clean in the morning?

ButterPie · 23/01/2010 14:31

Well, on the subject of our personal hygiene both adults had a bath the night before anyway, and we're of the belief that, in the normal course of things, you don't need a full body wash every single day. Every other day for a bath/shower and wash hair somewhere between weekly and twice weekly depending on need seems to do us fine...

OP posts:
ButterPie · 23/01/2010 14:33

Well, you aren't really going to get dirty lying in bed are you? The heating goes off so it is quite cold. I would have at least a wash of the "vital places" if we had sex, but, seeing that we have a co-sleeping baby, that isn't so much of an issue these days

OP posts:
pooexplosions · 23/01/2010 14:34

If you want to know about peoples hygeine start a thread in chat you weirdo

amialoneinthisone · 23/01/2010 14:34

Hmm, interesting.

Getting my daily shower is really important to me and DH has always been on newborn duty so I can have one. Just wondered if your DH was denying you even that.

tootiredtothink · 23/01/2010 14:34

YANBU

But it's up to you to stop letting him treat you this way.

Take control, don't tolerate this behaviour as it'll only get worse if you do.

I assume he hasn't always been such a tosser?

LadyintheRadiator · 23/01/2010 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sassybeast · 23/01/2010 14:35

No one in our house has had a shower today so far AIBU ? Or do i really give a toss as to what you think ?

OP - is he like this EVERY weekend ?

tootiredtothink · 23/01/2010 14:37

Fair point amialoneinthisone.

Some days the only 'me' time I would have is my shower in the morning...but wouldn't have it if dh wasn't around as I was a tad paranoid about leaving dcs on their own.

LadyintheRadiator · 23/01/2010 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hillygirl · 23/01/2010 14:38

YANBU; he's being a grumpy miserable sod

MANATEEequineOHARA · 23/01/2010 14:38

Butterpie YANBU for being both pissed off with your miserable DP, OR for not showering every morning...

amialoneinthisone · 23/01/2010 14:39

I didn't say she was BU for not showering did I?

Calm down girls.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 23/01/2010 14:39

Yes, he has been at work all week but so have you.

You go to the shop with the kids without him, go out on your own, sort out your own food, ignore him for a bit. He is being mean and unreasonable.

LadyintheRadiator · 23/01/2010 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ButterPie · 23/01/2010 14:43

My bath at night is important to me, anyone who has ever lived with me always remarks on how important I find a long soak in the bath. So I can see what you mean if you are a shower person.

He is very variable mood wise, but has been a lot better lately.

I must say, he seems to have picked up on my pissed-offedness as he suddenly started playing a tidying up game with DD1 and making little funny remarks about the footballers to me. So maybe I have a chance of getting out today after all! Although he did see I was on here and actually said he hoped i was telling mn how good he is being today as he deserves a medal for cooking breakfast AND watching DD1 on his day off...

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread