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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To question why we have not been invited?

42 replies

PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:25

Dp and i have been together 5 years, have 2 children and are engaged to be married.
I don't know whether i am BU or not.

Last year dp's uncle passed away, it will be one year to the day on Sunday. Dp and i have lived together 3 years. We attended the funeral, (our ds didn't and i was pg with dd). We attended the wake. We attended his aunts house for christmas dinner.

So Dp is just off the phone to his mum, and they are having a dinner in memory of his uncle. Dp has been invited through. Not me. Now if it is the kids that are a problem, they know i can get baby sitters pretty easily, but there will be other kids at the dinner on Sunday, one who is only 6 months older than my ds, so it isn't his age either.
When dp told me, i asked him. " Are we not all invited?" To which he replied, " it isn't like they wrote out invites, but she only asked me"

AIBU to wonder wtf? Or is this pretty normal? I my dp and dcs are always invited to family things from my side.

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 22/01/2010 19:27

Are you sure your DP didn't get it wrong and you are actually all invited?

It does seem very odd unless everyone's partners/spouses aren't invited I would be really annoyed.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:29

Yeah, i am 100% sure.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 22/01/2010 19:34

I wouldn't want to know why I hadn't been invited.

I would only want to know why my DH had had a converstaion with his mother where he had been invited but not hios wife, nor his children , and he was not bothered enough to query it.

I would be a bit with her. I would be seriously disappointed in him

hester · 22/01/2010 19:36

Is there a history to this? Any reason why you wouldn't be invited?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 19:36

It sounds a bit odd. But if you have just been there for Christmas dinner, I would ask your dh to phone up his aunt and ask if it is only him or your entire family, because his mum was not quite clear. If it is only him, he should ask his aunt if you have offended her in some way. If it is all of you, he can say "oh I it good I called, as it would have seemed as wife snubbed you if she did not come, as I wasnt sure if mum only meant me or if she meant all of us".

Pikelit · 22/01/2010 19:37

How very odd. I'd be upset, personally.

We get invitations to family events via whichever one of us answers the phone but when they ask "Pikelit, can you do supper at Aunty Cathleen's house next Thursday?" they mean "Can you and DP..."

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:37

I am really disappointed actually.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/01/2010 19:37

As Pagwatch says, why has your DP not queried this.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 19:38

HOWEVER, could it be that aunt did not intend to invite any of you, but your MIL thought this unfair on her son and decided to invite HIM on aunts behalf as "one extra mouth to feed" would be no issue?

blametheparents · 22/01/2010 19:39

I agree with Quint.

Sounds very strange, and I too would be pissed off with my DP for not asking why I was not invited.
Very strange.

pagwatch · 22/01/2010 19:39

sorry Prammy !

but did he say why he hadn't queried it?

Was he just being dozy and is now feeling all huffy and defensive?

Coldhands · 22/01/2010 19:39

That does sound very odd. I would do what 2010 said. Also, why didn't your DP ask at the time why it was just him? Didn't he think either?

ImSoNotTelling · 22/01/2010 19:40

I reckon it's a misunderstanding.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 22/01/2010 19:41

Just all of you go.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:42

I have just asked.
He said that he mentioned to his mum that he was going to visit a friend that lived close by her and then she invited him to the dinner, so instead of visiting his friend he will be having dinner with the family. He says i am looking too much into things.

OP posts:
activate · 22/01/2010 19:43

I htink your DP got it wrong .. I think they probably meant all of you too unless they specifically said just him

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:45

No, he hasn't got it wrong, i have just asked him. He said that they are having Haggis and i don't like it.

OP posts:
Pheebe · 22/01/2010 19:46

In our family an invitation to one is an invitation to all. perhaps his mum assumed when she said 'him' he would realise she meant all of you. You should really double check, you could seriously insult his aunt if you don't turn up and find later the invitation WAS for all of you. DH should be calling his mum back straight away.

Pikelit · 22/01/2010 19:47

Ah....so it does sound as if your DP wasn't on the guest list at the outset and his mother has invited him on the basis of his proximity alone. Which I hope his aunt is happy about!

I don't think you are "looking into things too much" but I think his mother may have been rather presumptive.

It's not the right way of doing things at all though.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 19:50

Your MIL is embarrasing your dps aunt.
This is not good.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:50

I don't think it is the way of doing things at all. My family would never, ever only invite me. dp thinks i am being mental.

OP posts:
2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 19:52

it is not just that. Your mil is taking liberties. It is not her place to invite your dh to the rememberance dinner her sister has for her husband.

Pikelit · 22/01/2010 19:55

Neither would mine, Prammy. In fact you wouldn't hear the last about it!

I still recall, when having been with dp for 2 years, he told me about his brother's 25th Wedding Anniversary Do and then said "Luckily you don't have to go"! We nearly split up then and there.

ImSoNotTelling · 22/01/2010 19:55

I think its fine TBH. DH is in the vicinity anyway, on other business, mum finds out and says pop by and have some food.

i wouldn't go beserk TBH.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 22/01/2010 19:55

It is my mil's brother. so the aunt is her sil. But yeah, i wonder now if the aunt knows or if mil will just be 'mentioning' it to her.
We are getting married this year. would i BU to just invite fil? lol

OP posts: