to think this is pretty bad?

[completelyconfusedagain]

Please settle this argument between me and my exh.

Been married for 5 years. Due to the deterioration of our marriage due to his constant drinking and general lack of commitment to me and our marriage our sex life tailed off to the point where we had sex twice in two and a half years.

In the early months of last year (2009) my h visited two high class prostitutes for a threesome and used cocaine with them. He believes that is not one of the worst things that could have been done in a marriage and certainly not the worst thing that has been seen on MN (he knows my committment to this forum!) He thinks I should manage to forgive this and move on as we have three dc and I should get over it and make the family work.

Ladies I know you will be honest so please let us have your honest opinions to settle this argument once and for all.

i might manage to get over the sex workers, i would most defintely not manage to get over the attitude afterwards - he has managed to turn this around so that the onus is on YOU to sort it out???? sounds like an out and out self obsessed know. get out get out! imagine what message you are sending to your kids about what adult relationships should be like if you stay with such a disrepectful ahol!

he'd be gone in a flash and until he accepted his behaviour as utterly shambolic, and went against every single one of our vows, then hw would play no part in my life.

go and find yourself a real man op, and not some pathetic looser!

It's worth remembering that if someone says, "I am really sorry but..." then they are not sorry. In face that rule goes for most things ("I'm not racist but..." = racist, "I'm not homophobic but..." = homophobic, "I want to change but..." = I don't want to change, "I really like your hair but..." = I hate your hair)

You can't argue away someone's hurt. You can't justify their pain. This is not taking any responsibility for the effect you have had on them with your behaviour.

You are well rid.

i suppose he is saying that he was never in love with someone else so that makes it ok? really sorry for you but i don't think now is the time to play mind games etc. stick to actual facts, collect your evidence together (even if you don't wish to use it in the end) and make a firm decision whether you want him to stay or go - is there anywhere you can go and stay with the kids for the weekend just to get away from him and stop him manipulating your choices (i would suggest he goes but you know what the risk is there°

Sorry but lol at 'high class prostitutes'.

Isn't that a bit like 'Posh Spice'.

Yes, what he did was beyond bad and totally a deal breaker. Bin him.

its probly been said already, but what is worse isnt actually his going ot the prostitutes in the first place, but insisting that its not such a bad thing and demanding that you forgive him. that is much muchmuch worse imo

yes - it's really really bad. He seems to be trying to worm his way back in to your life and expect you to forgive him. Tell him to piss right off.

eww, the dirty, cheating, woman-hating bastard

I find the terms "high class" and "prostitute" somewhat of a contradiction in terms, tbh...skanky men use this as a justification, yeah like he wouldn't go anywhere near "low class" one

no way would I let a man like that within 10 feet of me

anybody who would must have no self-respect at all

Youknownothingofthecrunch, when I went to speak to our local vicar about getting ds christened we had a talk about life in general and he calls that "the bullshit before the but", which I think is a great saying.

He is already gone but seems so sure that I should give him, our family and the marriage another chance that I find myself feeling confused about whether I have made the right decision. Thank you all again for focussing my mind. I feel quite at peace with the decision now I have had all these opinions. Just have to stop letting him into my head.

He is an idiot. A misogynistic, selfish idiot. Please do not take him back.

I'm guessing "high class" was his choice of words! Because prostitution is classy, isn't it.
Eeeew, it is VERY bad. And I'm no prude.

May I employ a term a read here earlier. (Sorry I forget who by!)

He, for example, is a fuck-knuckle.

I work with sex workers, there is nothing high class about men buying sex from women. He can justify it to himself but he is no better than a man who picks up girls on the beat.

precisely, missmoopy