To remove my son from school tomorrow during a spelling test?

[BaronessBarbaraKingstanding]

DS2 in yr 2. Struggling, behind peers in literacy, and most areas actually, has IEP which school is not consistently implementing, last term had 'assesment week' and told me every day he couldn't do the tests and his 'heart was thumping'.

Has spelling tests every week, we spend ages learning them he usally gets 7/8 but never gets a merit mark despite all efforts. spellings are not differentiated. have discussed this with class teacher, nothing changed.

this week he's given spellings which are really hard for him (daughter, taught etc) which would take him an age to learn and he's only probably get half right.

So I sent in a note at the start of the week saying I had a dilemma should we spend so much time on these, taking away from time on reading practise, but I didn't want to then risk him failing yet another test! Asking class teacher what she thought i should do.

I've had no response.

we've practised 5/10 spellings but the test is tomoorrwo and we've not started the other 5. i've phoned twice today to ask for a response abot the spllings tomorrwo and heard nothing.

last night my DS told me he is the 'rubbishist' in his class.

So, I am seriously pissed off.

I want to write a note saying Ds will not be in tomorrw morning until aftre spelling test as I do not wish him to be subjected to yet more failure and no one has responede to my query reagrding this.

this is more a WWYD than an AIBU I think.

Just want to say I have no clue what I would do or what you shoud do but I soooo sympathise with you! Your child should not be put in a situation where he feels worse than everyone else!

I'd be miffed at the lack of response from the school for a start. I think due to that fact i'd keep him off, but i'd be making an appointment with the head to discuss the lack of communication.

I would be demanding meetings with the teacher and head, TBH. They are not implementing his IEP and they are allowing him to be serisouly stressed by all the tests. He is in Y2, FGS - school should not be this stressful and he should not be allowed to feel that he is failing in everything. The school is letting him down, IMO.

As for tomorrow - I don't know. Maybe keeping him off would help make the point to the school, but it would also set a precedent that you might find it hard to live with.

I think I would go and speak to the teacher before tomorrow. Find out why she hasn't responded to your note.

Tell her you don't want your son to do any more tests until the issues have been sorted out.

I think I would go and see the teacher face to face to discuss how your DS is feeling, in fact, I would have done it when the spellings were handed out and he told me it was upsetting him.

If she isn't responding to notes/calls/emails then you have to go in and speak to her.

Is speaking to the teacher this afternoon an option? I think you need, if you can, to tell them face to face that unless they can come up with a better solution, you will be keeping him off tomorrow.

I still remember sitting in school doing spelling tests and haveing no idea AT ALL how to spell words as whole class had same test and we had not practiced - I remember not having a clue how to spell soldier - no idea at all. It was horrid. (I had been diagnosed as dyslexic when 5 but never got proper support) So on that basis yanbu.

I also went on to study primary teaching at uni (did get good support from them - eg copies of lecture material so didn't need to write it all down fast) And I believe children should be working towards goals that are achievable to them. Otherwise they will be put off and demotivated.

Perhaps this will make the school take notice and actually reply to your requests for meetings. There is no point subjecting him to this, it will only out him off. He needs to be working within is IEP.

How bad does a spelling test have to be for him to feel he is failing? My ds (Yr 5 by now) doesn't get anything like a regular mark of 7/8 for his spellings and never has, he also doesn't seem to get many merit marks. But he is perfectly happy, he is still learning, and tbh I would not want him to spend "an age" on his homework to improve results: he makes a reasonable effort and that's that.

Is it the school who have decided you have failed if you don't get 8/8? Or is it you? Or is it him?

It seems like he is building this up into a bigger thing than it is worth.

Unless the teacher is a complete bully, I would concentrate on building up his self-confidence to the point where he sees that getting 4/8 o even 2/8 is a far greater achievement than not taking the test at all.

I think practising too much is just giving him the idea that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. To get on in life he needs to know that anything is better than nothing, and that 'less than perfect' means 'can be improved at a later date'.

I would send him in because you are in a much stronger position with the school if you have been nothing but reasonable and cop-operative. Unless you pretend he's got a bit of a cold or something - but then he'll be caught up in the lie.

But tell your DS that it doesn't matter how well he does as long as he tries - stress how unimportant it is. Some children just take longer to learn spellings - think of something he finds easy (rinding a bike? Getting socks on?) and tell him how some children find that really hard. You can tell him that my DD is 20 and still can't spell - she's doing fine.

And then make an appointment to speak to the school SENCo. Say you want to see strategies to help your DS, and you want to review the IEP because the current one is clearly not doing the job. Bypass the teacher - you've tried, and it's not working.

YABU but I can totally understand why you would want too. I have spellings on my mind as I have corrected my dd's teacher as she has taught my dd the wrong way to spell a word.

I would speak to his teacher this afternoon and ask that he be excused tomorrows test and you have an appointment for having a proper talk as xyz is not working.

I wouldn't advise not sending your son until after the test not least because there's no guarantee that the teacher won't make him do it later.

What I would do is to suggest that you call the school and ask to meet the teacher briefly after school today. If she's not available ask to meet the SENCo or the Head. Spellings should be differentiated regardless of whether or not your son has an IEP. When I teach Y6 I provide spelling lists from the Reception key words through to commonly misspelled words in KS3!

There are lots of other ways the teacher could and indeed, should be encouraging and rewarding your son's effort e.g. asking him to record the first and last sound in trick words e.g. writing d----r for daughter so give him a differentiated objective if she really won't give him differentiated spelling lists. I also set up a system of improvement scores rather than absolute scores being important so the jump from 5/10 one week from 2/10 a previous week would be an improvement score of +3 whereas the child that always gets 9/10 will have an improvement score of 0. Three weeks on 10/10 on any level would mean a child in my class would move to the next level.

Spelling tests shouldn't be overly stressful and if they are they are being incorrectly marketed by the teacher. That's my view anyway.

Do go and speak to someone and request a differentiated spelling list or else a differentiated objective. If this is not forthcoming contact your local SEN person at the LA....

Class teacher is not in today, I tried to see her this morning.

I've phoned twice and left messages for the SENCo.

I have a meeting next wek with the head ad SEnco to discuss his IEP, but iI am angry my concern abot tomorrow has been ignored.

I'm quite happy with him getting 7/8 out of 10 each week, but I am not happy with the disproportionate time it takes to learn spellings which are way beyond his level and which no one has any real expectation of him retaining, when we could be using the the more procuatve to actually boost the skills he needs to work on.

I am not preapred to let him repeatedly experience gettibg 2/10 on tests, regardless of how much I reassure him this is OK, he and all children know it is very poor and that all others are doing better. this is damaging for childrens esteem. No two ways about that in my mind

He has told me he is the rubbishist, he has told me he can't do the tests in class (assessment) week and how anxious it made him. I am not prepared to keep puttig him through this, because I have to jump pointless hoops fopr the school.

When they did spellings at my DD's school the children who struggled with them would still be given a sticker if they improved. I was there one day when one little boy got a sticker for getting 4/10 (he usually didn't get any) and he was really thrilled and everyone in the class gave him a cheer

I would speak to the teacher and suggest that they do encourage your DS as its the only way to keep him motivated.

I think you are damaging his self esteem more if you insist that this test is so serious that he has to stay at home: that really will make him feel a failure.

What SE13 suggested is a realistic scheme for letting him improve at the same time as seeing that the occasional fail is not a disaster.

And of course you are quite right to insist on spelling tests being differentiated: of course they should be.

I would send him into school, only because it will go as an unauthorised absence, but I would insist that he is not to take part in the spelling test at that time.

I would also tell them that he is lacking in confidence with his spellings, and as he has an IEP they should be working towards what is on there & not what the rest of the class are doing. That's why the I stands for Independant.

I'm in two minds - part of me thinks that a day off for both of you might relieve the pressure ,cheer you both up.
I'm sure you could explain it to DS in such a way that he didn't feel it was all about the wretched spelling test - maybe a treat ( albeit an illicit one ) for having worked so hard.
Really I think you should spend less time on spelling revision ,boost his confidence ,tell him it honestly is ok if he just does his best.
If he goes in and doesn't sit test ,won't this draw a lot of attention to him in a negative way?
Final thought ,if school not helping ,could you go down route of
private help - following assesment ?
Also ,maybe consider taking someone with you when you go to school meeting - they can be a bit intimidating and two heads always better than one.
Sorry,not much help ,but really feel for you ?

I have asked the teacher if rewards could be givn for effort and improvement with spellings, but no the criteria for a sticker is 10/10 3 weeks in a row apparently. something my DS will probably never acheieve.

I wouldnt tell him he was being kept off to miss his test! I'd make some beievable excuse.

I don't give 2 hoots about unathorised absences.

BUT I've just got through to the Head, we've discussed spellings, he's aplogised for not getting back to me, DS is going to do spellings, we will have to pratsise tonight but head says he will get lots of praise for just doing them tomorrow, I ranted a bit at head about confienec/self esteem etc, I am meeting hea next week.

Musch as I can hope for today i think.

Spellings just aren't that important. I'm saying that as a regular denizen of Pedants' Corner, I get very annoyed by professionals, journalists mispelling things... but in Yr2 its just not that big a deal except to indicate that a child may need extra help.

SE13 has given you excellent advice.

SSE13's advise is great thank you, I will use those suggestions next week.

thanks for kind thoughts violetqueen.

7/8 is brilliant and your son should be very proud of himself
spelling tests are stressful, but maybe your son needs to be encouraged to see that everyone has stuff they find hard, and whilst he may not be very good at spelling, other kids in his class struggle with their reading and so on.
i wouldn't keep him off school, tbh i think thats a really bad idea.
it turns spelling into a bigger deal than it is, and avoiding the problem never helped. he may be distressed, but he will relax if you will, and you can always go in to discuss with other parents and the teacher if the spellings are too hard, and maybe youll find others feel the same and a support group can be started.
his confidence should be measured by what he can do, not what he cant, he's doing very well as it is.
hope everything turns out okay!

The teacher and/or school is an arse.

Kick it.

Move school. Seriously. I left my DD in a primary like this, where they refused to differentiate the work. I will always feel like I've failed her. The MS secondary school are saying that she is now so far behind(in Y7) that she will probably need to swap to SN school. And that if the primary school had given her level appropriate work, then she may not be quite so far behind. Or need an SN school. Move school.

Yes Loudlass we have come to the same conclusion ourselves actaully.

I'm quite sad about it.

This school are very high acheieving, Oustanding Ofsted etc etc and that seems to mean that they think they are do everything right and don't need to consider others opinions.

I don;t want top spend the next 4yrs anxious and fighting.

It's been Ok for my DS1 but it's not right for my DS2.

Oh how naive i was 5 yrs ago when I thought getting into a school at the top of a league table was the most inporatnt thing possible!

If the school are not consistenly keeping his IEP up to scratch then I would seriously consider moving schools for your DS2. They are failing him here.

Although its official title is "Individual Education Plan" it is also known as the "Individual Empty Promise".

Do you know if he is on the SEN register at all, under School Action or some such plan?.
Problem with this plan is that there is very little funding for it and the goalposts always get moved. The targets on it should be SMART but often they are not.

Re this comment:-
"This school are very high acheieving, Oustanding Ofsted etc etc and that seems to mean that they think they are do everything right and don't need to consider others opinions"

This is what you really do not need. Schools like this are bad news for any child with any form of learning difficulty.

I'd not realised it was an 'outstanding' school... what you need is your closest school that has been deemed 'satisfactory' or even been given a notice to improve. My personal experience is that schools which are being closely monitored (and have been declared the 'sink school' of the area) often bend over backwards to ensure that all children progress, succeed and enjoy school hence me using Reception & KS3 word lists with Y6 pupils and being obsessed with improvement rather than hoop-jumping.

The only league table position I was aware of at my NTI school was where we were on the police call outs league table... we were top! I hae no idea where my current school is in the league tables nor do I care and it didn't even cross my mind to consider league tables or KS2 results when applying for a Reception place for my DD.

I'd get your son to describe the sort of school he'd like to attend and go in search of it... maybe it'll be one that gives people stickers for trying hard, one where children look happy or one that will not put him on the 'rubbishest' table. Choose the new school with your heart, not your head. That's how I choose where to work!