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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give up the bariatric chair for the obese lady?

166 replies

AKMD · 21/01/2010 11:28

I?m 33 weeks pregnant and had an obstetric consultant appointment yesterday afternoon. The antenatal clinic waiting room was packed and there were quite a few women standing up as there weren?t enough chairs. I had been waiting for over an hour as the consultant was running behind schedule and was sitting in the specially wide, reinforced bariatric chair as that was the only one available. A lady came in who was clearly very obese, looked around and saw me sitting in the bariatric chair and came over to stand beside me. Was AIBU not to spring up and offer her the chair? I would have done if there had been any other seats free for me to move to. I did feel a bit bad about it afterwards but TBH I'd been waiting to sit down for ages and felt that she could wait like everyone else.

OP posts:
Poledra · 21/01/2010 12:02

Blondes, it's Getorf's fault

She always has to bring down the tone of a thread.

SherriHewsonsNipple · 21/01/2010 12:03

ooh er htat ISa nice obesity circle

skihorse · 21/01/2010 12:04

"Agree that toddlers could have moved to the floor but it was the antenatal clinic i.e. every woman there was pregnant. "

"Could" have moved to the floor? Who's in charge in your household? The adults or the toddlers?

Was this woman "less" pregnant than you? I mean were you able to compare notes?

Sassybeast · 21/01/2010 12:05

Can you get bariatric cock rings though ?

LucyEllensmadmummy · 21/01/2010 12:05
Biscuit
GetOrfMoiLand · 21/01/2010 12:07

What the hell is in that thing you have linked to sherri - sweetcorn?

Poledra at your accusations!

Yes twat me with the cock ring though.

Original poster
AKMD · 21/01/2010 12:10

Skihorse, it's just me and DH atm but if I did have a toddler, I would have plonked them on the floor to free up a seat. Bad phrasing, please accept my sincerest apologies.

No idea how pregnant the other lady was. I suppose the hospital could have started a system where everyone coming into the waiting room was given a seating priority rating based on how far along they were, pre-existing health conditions, bump size etc. but there could be complications e.g. would a woman at 39 weeks with a small bump get priority over a woman at 12 weeks, with no bump but terrible morning sickness, low blood pressure and epilepsy? Or... everyone could just use their common sense. If she had been struggling to breathe, I would have stood up. She wasn't.

OP posts:
Rockbird · 21/01/2010 12:10

If there is any complaining to be done about fattist attitudes then I am the one to do it, believe me

However, I find nothing to complain about here

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/01/2010 12:11

link looks like an edible cock ring rofl

sarah293 · 21/01/2010 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ronshar · 21/01/2010 12:14

I would like one of those obesity rings. I have purchased said cock ring in Sainsburys. They even do vibrating ones.

Maybe they should make bariatric chair vibrate, it could be like a power plate. Tone up while you sit!!

MmeLindt · 21/01/2010 12:17

Jeez. You leave the thread to do some ironing and come back to see that it has all descended into chat about obesity circles and cock rings.

Gerroff, you troublemaker.

skihorse · 21/01/2010 12:17

AKMD haha I'm in the same situation but my plans for parenting are the same as yours. "Mummy needs a chair RIGHT now or EVERYBODY's going to be VERY sorry!"

I think we should all be given personal marks out of 100 for sickness. E.g., me, not very pregnant (in months, not status obv.!) but liable to fall over due to lack of balance and/or vomit on the heads of those sat down.

Vallhala · 21/01/2010 12:25

YANBU. To hover over you stand beside you, if done in a pointed manner which made you feel uncomfortable, was very rude. You had no reason to believe that she was in any way more disadvantaged than you and had she been she should have said so. As far as you were aware she was merely fat.

WRT another poster's remark, I don't buy the "pregnant woman automatically deserves seat" theory either. Some disabilities/disadvantages you just can't see but "win" over pregnancy regardless.

For example, for some weeks I regularly ignored the dirty looks given to me as I sat on a crowded buses with pregnant women etc when in my 30s. At that time I was on my own with two DC under 6, walking 12 miles per day on the school run and taking 4 buses each day to have radiotherapy whilst recovering from surgery. I was knackered and in pain, yet no doubt everyone thought I was an ignorant cow.

On the other hand, my pregnancies were a breeze and I never felt any reason to need a seat enough to expect or want someone to offer me theirs.

There, back to the question in hand, and not one mention of a cock ring.

LucyEllensmadmummy · 21/01/2010 12:43

I bought a cock ring for DP, he was its a vibrating one that has a bull on it and its very, um, tight - but now whenever we are at it he will say "oooh, shall i put the cock ring on" im like No, just get on with it!! TBH, it scares me, it makes his cock feel all cold, i worry it will drop off

ronshar · 21/01/2010 12:45

Brilliant lucy

KnottyLocks · 21/01/2010 12:49

I dunno.

You open a thread thinking you are about to discuss the ergonomic qualities of a chair and see.....

Cock rings !

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 21/01/2010 12:52

Someone said she shouldn't have stood next to you hovering, why not? If it was going to be the only chair that would hold her weight she was probably hoping (not unreasonably) that you were being seen before her and she would take your seat when you vacated it. Nothing wrong with that.

AuntieMaggie · 21/01/2010 12:53

And you know she was just very obese and not disabled because....

LucyEllensmadmummy · 21/01/2010 12:56

what i want to know is, what would happen if two obese ladies were wanting the bariatric chair - now that i'd pay to watch!

Sorry, thats probably a step to far?

Think the OP was a bit pants really - its like saying, oh well, shes fat its her own fault - what if she was really old and frail? Does that change things?

ImSoNotTelling · 21/01/2010 12:57

I think LEM has added the most pertinent comment to this discussion so far

BadGardener · 21/01/2010 12:57

I didn't know what a bariatric chair was either but I worked it out based on my knowledge of ancient Greek

ImSoNotTelling · 21/01/2010 12:59

Personally I think that in an ante-natal clinic there is no way of telling who is more in need of a chair than anyone else. I would not expect pregnant women in ante natal clinic to start offering their seats to other pregnant women in ante natal clinic TBH.

What I would expect is for antenatal clinic to put out enough bloody chairs for all th pregnant women to sit on, but they don't, and that is a right bastard.

Rockbird · 21/01/2010 13:01

I think, as with all things of this type, you have to consider yourself, who is in the greatest need. OK, some people get to 33 weeks pregnant and feel like doing cartwheels. I didn't, I felt like shit, could hardly breathe, walk etc so a seat would have been a lifesaver.

But as you go about your business you have to make decisions about things that are 'accessible';

Do I desperately need the loo enough to make a disabled person wait for 3 minutes? No, ok, join the other queue?

Do I need this seat enough to make that woman stand? The OP obviously felt she did. Only she knows how much she needed that seat, we can't say.

CommonNortherner · 21/01/2010 13:04

Are you sure it wasn't just convenient for her to stand there?!?!