AIBU to be very shocked only 3% of unmarried parents stay together until child is 16!

[littlemoominmamma]

3% is nothing!!! It is soooo sad. 1 out of every 3 couples have seperated before the child is 5yrs old

I am now glad that the tories are going to give married couples help.

Vinegar - How are things at the Labour Party Headquaters these days? Busy?

My cousin recently left her dp and moved 300 miles away. The father of her children, whilst has to pay maintainence, had no parental rights over his 11 year old. He couldn't prevent hwer from going so far....

Marriage is worth it unless you are totally against it. Also I want the man in my life, the father of my dcs to be my next of kin over my parents. So he decides what happens after my death or whether to switch off life support!

wheresmy another aspect unless it has changedrecently is that if my DH dies I will get a widows allowance of adecent amount a week; you however willnot as you are not married

Severalyears ago YTorkiewgirls h died suddenly and she did a post on how worse it would have been ahd they not been married, it prompted a few people into getting married at the time IIRC

Sweetnsour - Yes I agree. Men aren't held accountable for the welfare of their children once a relationship breaks down. The children and their welfare seem v often to become the sole repsonsibility of the mother.

Lenin - Either we change the law to give the same protection that is afforded to married women to unmarried women. (I don't like this approach as it limits a young person's freedom to experience living with someone, without creating a legally binding arrangement.) OR

We financially incentivise marriage to ensure as few families as possible get caught in unfortunate circumstances.

Or perhaps men who live separately from their children should have to pay a more realistic going rate of child maintenance. Or perhaps share childcare fairly?

DP and I have joint parental rights over our son, I think this happens automatically if unmarried couples register the birth together in both names (since 2003). Also, an unmarried father can go to court to gain parental rights to chis DC(s).

So you do not need to be married to have parental rights.

What appalling presentation of the 'stats' by the DM and OP. Totally misleading and in fact irrelevant. It has nothing to contribute to the married tax allowance debate.

wheresmypaddle - thats correct PR changed in Dec 2003 (too late for me), and as long as father is on BC he has PR...otherwise quick trip to court to sign a form...

wheresmy - If IHT is an issue for you, I would strongly recommend considering marriage. There is no easier or more effective way of ensuring that, when the first of you dies, the other doesn't have to move out of the family home to pay a tax bill. It is terribly sad when that happens, particularly if there are small children.

IHT used to be a rich person's tax, but now that propery prics have sky rocketed, there are a surprising number of middle aged people in cities like London, Bath, Edinburgh, etc who have paid off mortgages on fairly normal houses and would be caught, particularly if the house is in one name.

There is another option Swedes,one Imentioned on the other threads

We make it easier for those in cohabiting relationships that want rights to get them.

Someform of contract ,midway between a marriage and nothing- sets out next ofkin,parentalrepsonsibility but doesn't go as far as making them Mr & Mrs

Put ads for it in the bounty packs,on Surgery walls because quite a few people dont even kmnow there is an issue

Make it so you dont have to go to a solicitor,it should be doable at a registry office- because that is what it is, a register of intentions.

Charge £50- nominal compared to a wedding or legal fees.

So many woman dont seem to realise what the real rights of a 'common law wife'are(ie none),they need the chance to find out and be able to do something without having to have a wedding.

my guess is alotof peoplewould use it as astop gap when for eg saving up for a wedding which is fine, better protected than not.

Itsclear that many non amrried couples areas committed as wedded ones- after all, apart from anecdotal evidence,we know that many couples spend a year or two engaged and really,if your DPdies the day before your wedding I doubt his intentions are less than if he died 48 hours after!

give people options above the systemt hat is currently not working. Ones that dont rely on you knowing much or being able to afford a solicitor

My DP has full parental rights with DD, even though we are not married and she has my surname.

I think that is the law now, but the father must be present if the couple unmarried but can go ahead and name as father if married - makes sense.

Also, remember that the parents of 16 year olds were married/not married 16 YEARS AGO! Things were different back then, it was less acceptable to plan to have kids out of wedlock.

Me and have two kids (all we are planning) and are getting married this summer. Not because we think it will change much, purely for old-fashioned romantic reasons, ok and partially because I feel odd calling him my boyfriend as that is what my teenage sister calls the lads she has flings with.

WHat i think vinegar tits meant was

Married couple benefits - My ARSE!! Jim royle stylee

have ignored ripeberry's very informative and well informed post - lalalalala fingers in ears, i dont want to get married, la la la la laalalalalal

Isn't it awful that i would have to do something that is against my belief in order to protect myself financially

But I don't want to be married (stamps foot and beginning to feel childish), I really really don't. I feel naive now as hadn't realised all the implications.

Having said that our financial situation is perhaps a bit unusual. DP is a sportsman, loves the job but doesn't earn a great deal and does not have much of a pension. I earn more than he does, better pension.

So I don't think I would be as much better off as some by getting married. But DP would......

[[http://www.facingbereavement.co.uk/WidowedParentsAllowance.html widowed parents allowance]

£95 a week so not insignificant really

widowed parents allowance

£95 a week so not insignificant really

Swedey - you are absolutely right. I don't understand those who say the law should be changed to give co-habitees the same right. Why? Surely people should be allowed to make the choice. Otherwise you might as well say everyone should get married.

Ribenaberry Unfortunately we are no where near well off enough for IHT to be relevant- maybe one day, maybe not........ But its interesting to know none-the-less.

lucyellens... totally agree with you but I requested some info and glad Ribenaberry could give it.

Peachy inspired ideas, I like them a lot.

16 years ago is not so different from today...It was 1996!

16 years ago is not so different from today...It was 1994!

doh!

If marriage is just a piece of paper to some of you then why would you want a seperate contract for unmarried mums, that would also only be a piece of paper (and i doubt would be any cheaper).

We married at a registary office very cheaply and quickly then had a party (much nicer way of sealing a legal contract than sitting in some solicitors office). Wedding dress was £40.00 from Monsoon. Had a blessing in a church a month or two later, just us and the priest, but you don't have to. You also don't have to take on his name or wear a ring or have any guests.

I do feel more secure being married tbh.

We are not married, I don't want to get married, I don't feel the need to explain why.

We have all the right things in place to protect us both though.

DP has PR for my dd. (he is not her biological father but we have been together since she was 3, she calls him dad, there has not been any contact with her bio father since she was 2).
We have a wills setting out who gets what etc.
We have a "living will" setting out what should happen in case of for example brain death and denoting the other partner as next of kin for these purposes.
We both have life assurance which benefits the other partner and the children.
The house is equally ours, we have a deed of trust. In case of death the house passes fully to the surviving partner as per the will, if we split the equity is split equally either through sale of the house or one partner buying out the other.
Our pensions benefit the other partner if the beneficiary dies.

We are actually more protected than all those married people who have not bothered with a will because they think being married will automatically give them all the protection they need.

Why is is it surprising that unmarried couples split up? Isn't that the whole point of not being married?