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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want DP's friend to live with us ever again?

56 replies

TrippleBerryFairy · 20/01/2010 10:22

He is DP's friend from teenage years and he has lived with us for a year now, moving out soon and I am soooo counting the days. Last night DP mentioned that he might be back in few years time to which my reaction was 'if he's in, I'm out!'.

The reasons I don't ever want him back are numerous:
he is an alkoholic (and proud of how much he can drink!), he gets pissed every day with rare exceptions .

he never ever cleans his room - in the whole year he vacuum cleaned his room ONCE. He eats in his room and stashes empty beer and food cans there and it always stinks

His room is a complete mess - I actually never go in there cause I might just explode with rage if I do

He constantly walks around with a beer can - annoying and while I can ignore it I wouldn't like my son to be exposed to that in a few years time when he's older (am I being overprotective not wanting to have an alcoholic around my son?..)

He himself stinks, I had to tell him to wash himself more often recently.

I just want to be left alone, I avoid our living room because he comes down every 20 mins for a smoke outside and I have to engage in some meaningless conversation I am not interested in. I don't have the nerve to be mean so I just smile while my blood is boiling.

His drinking creeps me out when he walks around with blurry eyes and I just want to hide or run away.

To his defence I must add that he keeps himself to himself most of the time and stays in his room watching TV for ages. I can enjoy max 10 minutes of conversation with him when he's sober but that's about it. He doesn't get loud when drunk just annoying. Helps my DP to move heavy things in the house if needed. His rent money has helped us through difficult times.

But I just cannot stand his drinking. Just a thought of him comming back in a few years time makes me want to scream. How do I explain to DP nicely that I will move out or turn into fury if he comes back? DP btw, regards him as a 'family' as they've known each other for so long and his friend does not have any family. I think DP feels sorry for him but am I right in thinking that his friend should sort out his life on his own (he was btw kicked out from the last place he rented a room - I suspect the reasons were similar to mine and people just got fed up with him) and my DP doesn't owe him anything and should listen to when I say I do not want him back ever? I do feel sorry for his friend sometimes too but having an alcoholic in the house with small children seems bloody wrong to me.

Or am I being a selfish mean biatch?

OP posts:
Jux · 21/01/2010 11:12

When I was a child, we lived in an 8-bedroomed house. There were always other people living with us - itinerant relatives, friends down on their luck, embassy employees gaining experience of life in UK etc.

My mother's eldest brother lived with us for years, from when I was about 18m until I was 6ish. He was an alcoholic (but a very charming one). As a young child, I wasn't really aware of any problems with him, though I can see both my parents must have had some hairy times.

My uncle came back to live with us when I was about 14 and stayed another few years. Returned when I was 22 (I know, I should have left home by then myself and more or less had, but was back to sort out my finances ).

The most disruptive times for me were the two later ones. He interfered in my life, would try to 'bring me up' at odds to my parents' values etc. His alcoholism annoyed me hugely.

I wouldn't recommend it, but you can protect your young one from it by laying down ground rules - no wandering around the house holding cans etc.

I suspect though, that your dh will find that just being with his family, without outsiders, is nice enough that he won't particularly want him back anyway.

Or get another lodger so the room's not available.

kikisunflower · 21/01/2010 11:25

A Year!!!! Poor you!!! Remember you have your own children now!!! You are a grown up!! and if this grown up man is unable to care for himself, just cut him out he is not your problem!!! He is an alcoholic, needs help and should not be around your family or your children.

You live in another world now.

Your hubby needs to forget his past relationship with this man and see the damage it is causing.

I also hate seeing drunken or drugged up people living around children.

If he won't go for some reason and both you and your partner now both decide he must.

Then get the locks changed, simple as that!!!

kikisunflower · 21/01/2010 11:32

I feel so frustrated for you that your partner sides with his alcoholic friend over you!!!

How dare he when you both have a child to look after.

Is your home rented or do you own it!!!

If rented, get the landlord to write a letter saying this man must move out otherwise you will have to leave.

If you own the property then wait till they are both out and get the locks changed.

Be in to let your partner in the first few days. Do not give him a key so he knows you are deadly serious!!!

Your child comes first!!!

This so called friend will have to sort himself out he is 41 after all

You can not help this man any more!!!!

Buda · 21/01/2010 11:52

He IS moving out kikisunflower!

TrippleBerryFairy · 21/01/2010 14:14

kikisunflower, DP wants to help, he does not team up with his mate against me. They know each other for a long time and he obviously believes he has obligation to help while it is obvious to me that it's rubbish.

I don't want DP out , just his mate and he is leaving soon (but not soon enough for me!)

OP posts:
BritFish · 21/01/2010 16:49

lol at gtamom's vegetable steamer commment

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