to think this is pathetic behaviour of other mums at the school gate

[funngames]

This is to do with the fun and games of parties and invites.

Background - in my ds rec year there are 2 classes. For his birthday last term I teamed up with others in the class who had birthday in the same week to do a combined birthday party. The class all get on, very lucky, and due to restriction on numbers for the party activity we decided easiest way was just to invite our class, rather than the whole year.

Party was great good time by all.

Now this term is when the problems start, parents in the other class are having parties and not inviting my ds. Don't comment yet I have absolutely no issue with this, this could be for any reason, numbers, preference for other children, not keen on my ds.

The pathetic bit is that I have been told (and unsure why the reason I have been told) by other parents, is that the birthday children have all specifically requested that my ds is invited, and have got upset when he wasn't allowed to come. The reason he's not allowed to go 'because you didn't invite dc to his party'.

For starters it was a combined party, and I feel tit for tat is very petty. I do not know nor asked whether the other dc who I held the party with are also blacklisted.

AIBU to think that parents who are for tit for tat to the extent of upsetting their own children are being pathetic?

School playground politics, I will never understand why adults partake of it...

I can not imagine getting annoyed at DS not being invited to a party of a child who was not even in his class, and much less so, to keep the grudge until the next birthday...

don't sweat it

YABU

Question here is "is he bovvered?"

I used to get het up about this but DS couldn't give a monkey's arse. So I stopped even noticing it.

If you are planning on staying in the area, remember you need to see these same parents at the school gates for the next 6 years. So it pays not to take things too personally and play the long game.

When you say "other parents" how many exactly have done this?

YADNBU. FFS, the fact that they're being this petty, have told you to your face, and are upsetting their child in the process says it all really. What a bunch of arseholes.

Why are the other parents even telling you this?
Don't listen to any of it, you all sound barking

I can't imagine how the person/people you have heard this from would come by this information. What do you think their motives might be in telling you, assuming that they haven't just made it up?

My guess is that they are trying to turn you against some other parents, for who knows what reasons of their own.

My advice? Ignore, ignore, ignore.

And YABalittlebitU in thinking that parents are unreasonable in using this as a reason to limit attendees at their own parties. Just another variant of what you did yourself really.

why would you even expect your ds to be invited to a party from the other class?

Thanks all, I just came home thinking what??? my ds has no idea the parties are taking place, and to be honest with you he's not particularly keen on parties as it is (doesn't like noise etc).
Three have done this, just so happens that this year group have high number of December and January birthdays.
I wasn't even aware that the parties were taking place, until 1 parent told me about 1 that took place this weekend just gone and another told me about 2 taking place in the coming week.
As an aside one of the parents has invited DS for tea, I asked ds if he would like to go he said no. This was before I was aware of politics. The parent who informed me of party said ds was invited for tea to placate birthday child he wasn't there for the birthday.

Compo I wouldn't expect invite I just found it odd a) I was told we weren't invited, and b) the reason for no invite.

Isitmeor - good point about it just being a variant that makes sense.

Maybe they are just trying to let you know they do like your DS, even though he wasn't invited. Although the reason he wasnt' invited does sound barking.

For some reason I'm imagining this is a private school.

correct lynette should this be something i'm aware of? should they be putting this info in the prospectus.

OP - your DS sounds like my DS. Where I loved parties, he isn't really keen. He hates the noise and worked out years ago unless he was at school he didn't have to do what he was told so esp hates parties with organised entertainment. It used to really upset me that he wouldn't join in and clearly wasn't having fun.

It took me ages to realise it was all futile. He likes small parties only, which works very well in the whole crappy politics of it all. He invites 6 kids or so of HIS choice, so if anyone comments I just explain he doesn't like big groups/lots of noise and he chose the guests.

Saves a lot on pressies too.

Sorry, just realised that it was the parents who were organising the birthday parties who told you this? Bizarre.

Clearly your DS is a rockstar! Or you are.

Try not to let it get to you. Does sound extremely weird.

Just rise above it.

don't understand

you and other parents in your dc's class didn't invite kids from other class. but you have a problem when parents from other class decide to do the same?

unless another parent has told you this directly, i think it is unlikely that he is "blacklisted" but simply not invited for the problem of numbers as you yourself have experienced

I haven't read it but behaviour being complained about by yer average MNer r.e bints at the school gate is always shamefully pathetic from their end.

Well it is!

IME, IMVHO and all that of course.

mazzy that's the odd thing, I've been specifically told that my ds has not been invited due to no invite to his party, and with one of the three they would like to placate their dc by having my son to go round to tea???
I suppose I should be grateful for the honesty, but I didn't know there was a party, wasn't expecting dc to go to a party, ds unfazed (unknowing, in own little place ) I was just thrown by the issue it had obviously caused the other parents to carry it over.

funngames....did you give your DS a fabulous party last year, which the mums who did attend talked aoubt....causing the mums of the non invited mums to be ?

Was the entertainment thrilling, and the party bags generous?

That would explain it!

IMO it was all good, and the kids loved it. Anymore than any other party? prob not - but is a terrible thing, and so could well be the cause of it, sounds a reasonable reason for bizzare behaviour.

Actually "well you weren't invited to her party" is a way of cutting the numbers down if you are trying to get from 10 kids down to 6, for example. It's just another version of what you did "let's just invite your class". So why get arsey about it? You didn't invite some kids and you have now been on the receiving end. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

OMG - you have too much time on your hands funngames to be worrying about such a trivial matter. There will be many many times ahead I can assure you when your child will have to face disappointment - it's called life....................