to think this is pathetic behaviour of other mums at the school gate

[funngames]

This is to do with the fun and games of parties and invites.

Background - in my ds rec year there are 2 classes. For his birthday last term I teamed up with others in the class who had birthday in the same week to do a combined birthday party. The class all get on, very lucky, and due to restriction on numbers for the party activity we decided easiest way was just to invite our class, rather than the whole year.

Party was great good time by all.

Now this term is when the problems start, parents in the other class are having parties and not inviting my ds. Don't comment yet I have absolutely no issue with this, this could be for any reason, numbers, preference for other children, not keen on my ds.

The pathetic bit is that I have been told (and unsure why the reason I have been told) by other parents, is that the birthday children have all specifically requested that my ds is invited, and have got upset when he wasn't allowed to come. The reason he's not allowed to go 'because you didn't invite dc to his party'.

For starters it was a combined party, and I feel tit for tat is very petty. I do not know nor asked whether the other dc who I held the party with are also blacklisted.

AIBU to think that parents who are for tit for tat to the extent of upsetting their own children are being pathetic?

were others in his class invited?

i am just imagining that either it is a case of the parent didn't explain herself properly - or because they might then have felt obliged to also invite the co-hosts of your ds's party

if they are inviting your ds to tea it is obviously about numbers and not about payback!

i'd let it go

The OP seemed to me more baffled by being given this info; not upset by it or arsey about it. The responses she's given seem to indicate that she doesn't have a problem with her DS not being invited but was more questioning of the reasoning for someone passing in this info. She appears to be trying to steer a safe and steady course through school
politics.
OP -yanbu

It sounds like a parent could clumsily have said to their child "no you can't have every single person you want - look it's just like 's party, he didn't have room for everyone either". Then either the parent who told you is a bitchy stirrer or someone has genuinely got hold of the wrong end of the stick and thinks it's a petulant rejection.

Whether it's a mistake like that or it really is petty, the people I'd be most wary of are the ones who told you - who are clearly only interested in stirring things up and not in calming things down or being tactful.

thank you bela I did make some sense then with my posting.
veryquickly i've taken on board re the ones who told me.
it's not a case of having too much time on my hands, it's more i like an easy life, and when it seems that others make life complicated for themselves I wonder why.

Good luck with it all.

Parents can be very bad role models for their kids with all this stirring crap.Sad but true.Playground politics is no fun, esp for you if you like an easy life.

Best to take a step back, avoid and ignore.

Best wishes.

I agree that it's sad they are upsetting their DC by not inviting your DS, to the extent of having him round to tea "to placate" the birthday child - I am glad for you that your DS is so popular btw! - and I can't understand their reasoning behind telling you why your DS hasn't been invited. I agree that is petty.

I think the advice to Ignore it and Rise Above such pettiness is best.

I can't really understand why you are so bothered. I assume you invited whom you wanted to invite (for whatever reason) so why can't the other parents do the same? Their reasoning maybe suspect but they don't have to justify it to you.

Ds is one of the younger ones in his year. Last academic year he invited all his class plus some from the other class in the year (although he hadn't been invited to the parties of the children in the other class).

This year there has been 4 birthdays so far in his year - 2 in his class and 2 in the other class. He invited all of them to his party last year. He has had no invites at all this year. I know there have been parties. I don't know why he wasn't invited and I don't care. He invited whom he wanted to be at his party. End of. That is how it should be. I don't expect others to invite him because they have been to his party. It is up to them whom they choose.

I'm in the process of sorting out my ds's birthday party. He can invite who he wants whether he's been to their parties or not. He's in reception too and the friendships are still really fluid, so he can be best buds with someone this week and not really play with them for the rest of the month.

so, I think YAB a bit U

I think I might write a book about childrens parties, and include a chapter about pary politics.

you are getting too involved tbh. maybe invite them to the next one, just to make a point and show you are bigger than them (they prob won't come but will stop gossiping!) - you can sit back and enjoy !!!