I know I am but how much!

[UpsetSelfish]

Ok, so I know IABU but am I being completely unreasonable or is it a little bit ok for me to be a little upset?

Background..good friend & I always do Birthday & Christmas presents for each other. I have tried to stop the Christmas presents and just buy for kids but she insists. Her Bday was at the end of last year and despite being quite broke I saved up some money & chose a gorgeous prsent for her which I knew she would love, not sure if the price is relevant but it wasn't cheap.

Anyway, fast forward to my bday and she has given me just a card. Now I hate it when people moan about not getting presents, I think how selfish & bratish (and am perfectly prepared to be told that is exactly what I am being!) BUT is it understandasble for me to be a bit upset, it's not the money, it's the fact that she hasn't even done a token gift after knowing the effort I put in to hers. I know you don't give to receive and if her Bday was next week for example, I would still get her something. I would have been over the moon with a tiny gift then for her to say later in the year "lets not do bday gifts anymore".Just for the record she has no money probs & as I said it's not about the money..it's the lack of thought that I am hurt about.

So...go on then...give it to me straight!

[GhoulsAreLoud]

Well, you said it yourself, you shouldn't give to receive.

[skihorse]

YABU - How about sending her a thank you note saying "Thanks for nothing, fyi the present I bought YOU was 250 quid you ungrateful bitch, I don't care how skint you are I wanted a pressie of equal value and now I'm going to thqueam and thqueam until I'm thick."?

[UpsetSelfish]

I know, I know! I just find it strange. It was my husbands bday a coule of days ago and she got him something... would have mae more sense if she hadn't as then I would have known straight away that she didn't want to do presents anymore!

[skihorse]

Just seen the bit where you say she's not skint. So strike out the skint bit and just write bitch. Again.

[UpsetSelfish]

Thanks for the advice Skihorse,as I said, it's really ot about the money.

[coppit]

Of course you are not being unreasonable!

Someone who is pro present giving (ie your friend) has been resistant to stopping it. So, you go along with the way she wants it, buying her nice presents etc. Of course you deserve one back!

To those who think the op is unreasonable - can I take it that you think the actions of the op's friend are therefore reasonable?????

Obviously, you can't say anything to this friend. Perhaps she will give you something later/another day. Still, she's behaved badly IMO.

I am totally anti presents anyway.

[Merrylegs]

Hmm. It does seem a leetle strange that she got your hubby something and not you. And that she is the one wanting to carry on the present buying when you have suggested not to... I wouldn't overthink it, but take it as the ideal time to cut the present buying for each other in future. One less thing to worry about.

[Shodan]

It's a bit odd that she got your DH something but not you, but maybe she was taking you at your word and decided now was the time to start the new regime? So just a bit of bad timing, maybe.

FWIW, I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to feel a little miffed- you're only human.

[UpsetSelfish]

Thank you guys, I knew there would be lots of people telling me I was BU, I was just hoping one or two people would understand why I'm a little bit upset so that I didn't feel like a complete bitch!

[FimbleHobbs]

Are you SURE there isn't a present on the way or something? Sounds very odd.

[Niecie]

I don't know that YABU.

If you talked about it and she has insisted then I would be a little bit miffed too. I wouldn't say anything but it does seem a little one sided. And if she bought your DH something at is even weirder.

When is your birthday? Is there a possibility she has got you something to be delivered to your house and it hasn't turned up?

I once ordered some flowers for my mother on mother's day and she didn't phone to thank me. She got my card but nothing else. In the end I said something like, 'I hope you liked the flowers' and it turns out they hadn't turned up. I wondering if this is what has happened to you? Maybe your friend is waiting for a big thank you and isn't getting one because she doesn't know you haven't received the pressie.

Have you thanked her for the card? It might make her think if the present has got lost.

[lucyellensmumagain]

Its very simple, you just don't buy her something next time!

[YummyorSlummy]

I can understand how you feel tbh. A few months ago it was a very good friend's birthday and even though I was totally skint I put a lot of thought into her present. Fast forward to my birthday and she doesn't even send a card. We've since moved away but she does have my address and just a card would have been nice after I made an effort for her.

[blametheparents]

YANBU

I too would be a bit miffed, esp as it is her that has been so pro present giving.

Does seem strange though, are you sure there isn't somehing on the way?

[UpsetSelfish]

I suppose it's a possibility Fimble & Niecie, but I saw her on my Bday and thanked her for the card.
lucyellens...I would still get her something for her Bday, I like to give gifts for best friends bdays, it's just Christmas I would like to cut own on, if we're all buying for each others kids I dn't think we need to buy for each other and Dh's as well.
Anyway, not going to dwell on it, she is a very good friend of mine & I love her to bits, just wanted to get it out!

[FimbleHobbs]

Maybe she has misinterpreted the 'new' arrangements then. YANBU to be a bit bewildered by it.

[Dirtgirl]

I'd feel a bit miffed too in your shoes OP, but I'd be glad to get out of the present buying for next year. I think this gives you the freedom to dictate what you want and only do the kids presents at Christmas too.

[WhatNoLunchBreak]

I don't think YABU to wonder about the present ... which is not the same as expecting a present. It seems a tad strange.

skihorse - ouch.

[PeedOffWithNits]

are you sure the present for Dh was not for you both to share?

or there is a surprise in the pipeline eg dinner out or a show? DH might be in on it?

agree it seems odd

YANBU to wonder, YABU to be bothered and let if affect your friendship with her

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

Very odd to buy your hubby something and not you.

Is it possible she has had something delivered and is annoyed that you haven't thanked her.

maybe she forgot the date?

[junglist1]

What kind of freak takes a present, gives shite all back and then gets your H something? What planet is she on? And TBH everyone does give to recieve even if you give a lot and recieve a little, you don't expect to recieve nothing, realistically

[Monty100]

YANBU I would be more than a little miffed.

I think there has been some misunderstanding which you need to clear up. A bit embarrassing in the circumstances probably to broach the subject at the moment but I would want to confirm arrangements for the future. Besides, you didn't say about cutting back on birthday presents, it was xmas presents wasn't it.

[ImSoNotTelling]

YANBU you tried to stop the presents, she insisted on carrying on with presents, happily received hers and then didn't get you anything? Weird.

[drloves8]

she got your dh a pressie ,but didnt get you one ? is she your friend , or your dh`s or both ?

[ImSoNotTelling]

It does sound pointed to me.