I know it's petty, but HOW petty?

[WastedYouth]

On friday, me and DH bought ourselves a big bar of chocolate each. This was very much a one off as we're both supposed to be on diets.

So, friday night, I eat half of my chocolate. DH eats all his before declaring that he felt sick

I said it was his own fault, wrapped my chocolate up and put it in the fridge.

Next day I go to grab a square of chocolate to find that my bar has become considerably smaller I casually say to DH "did you eat some of this?" he goes bright red, pretends to know nothing about it and then says "yes, a bit fell down the back of the fridge and I didn't think you'd want that so I ate it".

I truely wasn't all that bothered so I just said "ok"

Last night, big brother was on and I like a few nibbles when that's on so I said to DH "Think I might have the rest of that chocolate ... " He goes red again.

I went to the fridge and there was only two 'lines' of it left.

This time I did get pissed off. He ate his and I can't even put a bloody bit of chocolate in the fridge without it going missing. I have to hide it just to make sure he doesn't take it. It's ridiculous. He thinks I'm being petty but he does it with everything.

He used to drink ALL the orange juice in one go so I started buying one just for myself (so I could be sure of getting some in a morning ) needless to say he drank all his and then drank mine too.

DS had a bag of turkish delights. Being sensible he ate half the bag and said he'd save the rest so not to make himself sick. Next time he went back to them, there was ONE left.

DH apologised and bought him another bag ... which he promptly ate again as soon as the coast was clear.

DS has now started hiding his sweets in his room.

We shouldn't HAVE TO!

So I know it's a bit petty, whinging over a bit of chocolate but wouldn't this piss anyone else off??

my ex used to do that.
it used to piss me off something rotten.
if he wanted some of it, why couldn't he ask? but NO! it's much better just to steal it.
"oh, you hadn't eaten it within a couple of days so i thought you didn't want it"

when i left, i pulled out two boxes of fudge (that were given to me as a birthday pressent and he managed to eat half of one without permission before I managed to hide them) from the loft and another box from in my wardrobe.
"how on earth did you manage to hide those?" was his incredulous response!

so, i took them to my new house and promptly shared them equally with my new OH.

because he didn't assume he could eat them whether i wanted him to or not

YANBU - but had to laugh at the excuses! He thought you wouldn't want to eat it after it had gone down the back of the fridge (how did it get there?!) but his standards are so low that he ate it anyway!

Perhaps it's not that he loves food, but that he loves stealing! I'd watch him in Tesco's if I were you

Your dh sounds like mine regards to sweets and cakes. He just cant help himself. I keep my stash hidden. Our sons have their sweets in their room, they are 7 and 4 FGS! They show better restraint than him! Even the 4 year old will come and ask me before he helps himself to his own sweets, in his own room!

I bought ONE large bar of chocolate the other day, and he found it. It was all gone, bar the compulsorily (is that a word?) remaining two last stripes.

I baked a blueberry pie for a kitchen supper recently, and it was served past the kids bedtime, so I promised them a piece the next day. My oldest was beyond upset when he came home from school and found that dh had scoffed the lot before he got home.

DH had to drive out and buy chocs for him as compensation, which dh begged him to share, "because I bought it for you, please let me have some" YOU COULD HAVE BLARDY BOUGHT YOUR OWN!

"No, I dont buy chocolate or cakes, I dont think we should encourage such eating habits, I am trying to live healthily." cue smug smile

Grrrrr

In this house chocolate in fridge = fair game. Everybody knows you have hide the chocolate.

YANBU

Sounds like my first proper BF. On Saturdays I would gamely cycle round there with a bag full of treats (crips, chockies). 2 of everything. When he had finished his, by bolting them like a dog, he would start on mine.

It is the attitude that sucks. YOU may well have a "what's yours is mine" attitude, but his is "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine and what's the kid's is mine too!". Like he feels entitled to it!

Sorry meant to say YOU have "what's mine is yours" attitude. Point being that needs to work both ways or you just end up being exploited!

I might be totally wrong, but do I detect a problem of unclear/undeclared/implicit responsibilities?

Not so much about the chocolate, but wrt OJ and other staples. Eating/drinking the last of something (perhaps even putting the empty container back into the fridge) is not a necessarily a problem if you then see it as your responsibility to get it replaced. By buying it yourself or informing your OH, if he/she does the shopping, that it needs replacing.

OP's DH sounds like he feels no responsibility whatsoever towards the contents of the fridge. He does not seem to feel that it has anything to do with him, if the kids get stuff in their lunch box or not. The fridge is there to be raided, for him, and it is not his job to make sure everybody gets what they need. He seems to see it as her job, her responsibility alone - to cater for everybody whilst taking into account that he will help himself to whatever he feels like. So it is not his fault when the kids don't get any OJ - she should have planned ahead, made sure there was enough even if he felt a sudden urge to drink lots and lots.

So he thinks that food is her responsibility alone, and she thinks he should share the responsibility. Bound to create problems. Perhaps, OP, you could confer full food provision responsibility onto your DH for a trial time period. He might learn a lesson!

YANBU, and are you me?

My DP is just like this. He is a kind, intelligent, rational human being until sweets or crisps come into the equation and then he becomes a selfish and deluded arsehole.

I have given up having the argument with him - I just keep most of my sweetie stash at the office or hidden somewhere in the house.

If he knew it was there, he'd eat it.

Then, he'd say 'but I'll replace it!'

Then on the rare occasion he actually does replace it, he sees the new stash as his becuase he bought it, and will eat that too.

He simply has no ability whatsoever to delay gratification if it's sweets or crisps. He has to eat them all, now. And can't grasp that I like to have goodies there for when I want to eat them.

Sounds petty but it is literally the only issue we have ongoing disputes about. It drives me utterly bonkers.

I steal everyone's sweet things.

Its sugar addiction and bad.

I cannot selfregulate when I start to eat sugar. So now, I don't eat it. First 3 weeks of giving up all sweets, chocolate, jam, honey etcc is hell, and then the craving goes. I'm slimmer, and don't imperil my marriage by eating a whole packet of jaffa cakes and blaming the DC...

your DH sounds terribly fixated on his food. Is he overweight?

Lymond - how did you manage to get through the 3 weeks?

You see I think it's every man/woman for him/herself when it comes to chocolate in the fridge. You know what he's like, find a secret place to stash your own supply (and your ds') if it's such a big issue. I am quite PMSL about the people on this thread saying he has an eating disorder frankly!!!

All this hoarding of food, and identifing chocoalte as 'yours' is mighty strange, and very nicely illustates our f**ked up relationship with food.

If you can't stop eating it, or if you are hiding it, or of you are possessive over it then there is a problem.

ther is no chocolate shortage on, of course you could all just buy more chocolate, but ther is a worrying obssesion, craving, possessiveness that seems to be associted with it.

It's just food people. Nice food, eat it if you want to, stop before you feel sick.

In realty i know it's not that simple, but evidently our attitudes to food in our overly abundant food culture are very complex.

I don't agree barbara. I don't think we have a screwed up attitude to food at all - it's simple: chocolate tastes lovely but it's bad for us.

So if we see it, we want to eat it. If we have a lovely big bar of it, we might sensibly want to eat a small bit. But then we get tempted to scoff the lot - and our DPs are even worse - so we try to buy small amounts, or hide what we have, or call it 'mine' to stop the chief scoffer in the house from finishing it.

I can resist chocolate most of the time but sometimes I do crave it, and ideally I'd like to have a bar sitting right there for those moments. But my DP is a greedy pig so I have to hide my chocolate from him.

It's annoying indeed but hardly worthy of Freudian analysis.

DP and I have separate food cupboards. We like different foods and we don't usually cook together. Of course, emotionally what's mine is his, but in reality if I buy myself a treat then that treat does belong to me. I bought it, paid for it and carried it home. And I want to eat it when I'm ready, not to discover an empty wrapper.

Rolf
Get through 1st 3 weeks badly! I have non-sweet but also nice snacks instead, avoid white flour wherever possible, avoid going to coffee shops or anywhere with temptations, never go to food shops or garage when hungry, BAN all sweet stuff from the house, warn everyone I'll be a moody bitch etc.. etc.. 2nd and 3rd days are the worst, once past the first week I've got enough momentum to want to keep going (bloody minded), plus lost a few pounds and feeling more energetic. After 3 weeks it isn't difficult to resist, and I can have a little now and then (as long as I don't get back in to bad habits like putting sugar in tea.)

Whilst I think it is petty of you not to share, I think it must be annoying to live with someone that greedy!

Pragmatic solution: Hide juice and choc in a spot he´ll never find (I always hide some beers behind the cleaning stuff under the sink, as DH drinks what´s in the fridge in a day, be it 2 or 12 cans, and that way I can offer unexpected guests a beer!!! He NEVER opens cleaning cupboard....sadly)

Well, I don't think it's all that petty if you've agreed a little treat each and he's eaten it, LIED ABOUT IT, eaten it again and NOT REPLACED IT!

General chocolate is fair game. Someone's stash is not. It's basic manners to ask, and when told to poke it, to leave the stash alone and go and get your own.

OP's DH has food issues, and far worse, he has NO MANNERS.

Yes, put him in charge of all the food - it'll properly sort him out.

Overeating is nearly always psychological.

Yes it tastes nice but if it were only for the taste and physical satisfaction we'd want to eat it when hungry and stop when satiated, but we don't we go on eating, over eating, getting fat, craving foods,'treating' ourselves, denying ourselves, hiding it from others, judging others, becoming posessive of our food when in reality it's availbale in abundance.

Not saying you have a screw loose saying that the western worlds attitude, particualry western women, to food has become warped.

I know mine has.

It's not petty at all. That's exactly the line the greedy DPs trot out, in order to guilt us into giving them half of our own goodies after they've scoffed all of their own.

DP thinks he should be entitled to half of all goodies. So he eats half. And then thinks he should be allowed half of what's left. And so on - cue me eating four chocolates and him eating almost the entire box.