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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just over sensetive. This turn of phrase really upsets me

40 replies

mamazon · 18/01/2010 14:08

A neighbours daughter is 17 and what we could call a slag wild child.

someone posted on her status that she was a slag. she then commented on it saying "xx you wanker i got raped"

I was obviously worried for her and posted that iot was not a good idea to pos about oit on facebook. she really needs to go to the police and that if she wanted to talk i was there, but posting on FB about it could hinder any court case.

A friend of hers posted " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
which i thought was just horrid.

she has just messaged me to say " no not raped, facebook raped"

I am so angry.

I have no idea what it actually means but i am so angry that something as devastating as rape can be used to describe some kind of pissing about on facebook.

but now i am questioning myself about whether i am over reacting because of my own history. maybe i have just got old.

art of me wants to report it to facebook as offensive but i dont want her to get into trouble simply because im an old fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
DorotheaPlenticlew · 18/01/2010 14:12

Can understand your anger, but TBH I think this is not a battle worth fighting to the level of reporting her, not with a 17-year-old ... rather than reporting her I'd message her back pointing out that it's pretty dodgy/tasteless/insensitive/wrong (whatever word, you choose) to use the term rape in that way.

And then leave it. Or defriend her; do you need (or really want) to be FB friends with a 17 year old wild child?

SilveryMoon · 18/01/2010 14:12

Rape is a very serious thing. And no, it definetely should not be made light/fun of.
I personally have no experience of rape, to myself or anyone that I know and I pray I never do.
It is awful that young people think that something like this can be used for anything else. It shows a huge lack of understanding and care for anyone else and i think you are right to be very upset regardless of your background.
Can you have a word with your neighbour? I think this girl needs to understand what a serious matter rape is.
Failing that, I'd also report it

hanaflower · 18/01/2010 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 18/01/2010 14:16

I just don't think reporting it is the way to make the message sink in ... more likely to make her go and dismiss you as unreasonable, than to make her really think. Not saying this is how it should be, just how I imagine a teenager would react.

nancydrewrocks · 18/01/2010 14:17

Never heard the phrase and not keen. However I am not very keen on your use of the word "slag" to describe a teenage girl even if you have crossed it out

lostinwales · 18/01/2010 14:18

No, not overly sensitive, I have teenage friends who use the term 'facebook raped' (even their parents too ). I can barely type it, truly grim.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 18/01/2010 14:19

agree about slag ... even as a teenager I felt feminist anger at anyone I knew using this sort of term. Had a friend who slept around a lot, got called it all the time, nobody gave a thought to the underlying issues there [anger]

DorotheaPlenticlew · 18/01/2010 14:20

sorry I meant (at the memory, not at you)

Pikelit · 18/01/2010 14:21

I wouldn't be taking anything posted on Facebook very seriously. Let alone attempt to get on down with the yoof and unpick their banter.

claraquack · 18/01/2010 14:21

I would send her a personal message explaining why rape is not a funny term or one to use lightly and then delete her as a FB friend.

mrsruffallo · 18/01/2010 14:22

What has her being a slag have anything to do with it?
If you are going to use a facebook ( a largely teenage domain) then I am afraid you have to get withe lingo

LittleMrsHappy · 18/01/2010 14:22

"raped" is a new term by people hacking into their social networking sites.

Its not a nice word, but as she is a teenager and presumably has alot of friends in the "know" on facebook who will be in the know of the word and its modern day slang

If It were me, I'd not have her on my facebook account.

but YANBU x

thedollshouse · 18/01/2010 14:24

Mamazon I lost all faith in humanity after being on facebook for a few months, there are lots of people I now view in a completely different light. Do as I did and deactivate your account, I had to for my own sanity!

mumblechum · 18/01/2010 14:26

There should be an upper age limit on Facebook of 21 imo.

MmeLindt · 18/01/2010 14:29

I have no personal history of sexual abuse and I find that highly offensive.

It really depends on what you want to do. You could send her a message that for anyone who has experienced sexual abuse that it is very offensive and in bad taste and that you were upset by it. I don't know if you want to open yourself to this though.

claraquack · 18/01/2010 14:33

I would add though that I don't think FB is only for teenagers at all. I use it to keep in touch with lots of people and just yesterday it was used to pass a message to a very disparate group of people all over the world that an old university friend has very sadly died of cancer.

Used in the right way, FB is a great communication tool. However, I don't get all the Mafia and Farmsville games at all. Sadly many of my very adult friends seem to be obsessed!

Original poster
mamazon · 18/01/2010 15:04

I have told her that i find that term offensive and i am a little upset that she wouldnt understand why that term should not be thrown about so much. dont really wish to divulge my own exeriences as tbh i doubt she would really take much notice.

AS for my use of the word slag, its not one i would usually use to describe her but its the word that most people do use when they speak of her and is one of the reasons why i was so concerned for her. It was highly likely in my mind that she had found herself in a position where a boy wouldnt accept no for an answer given her reputation.

I dont think FB is just for teenagers. I use it to keep in touch with my very large and very wide spread family. i have a large part of my extended family who live in australia and USA so it is the most comvenient way to keep in touch. it is also great to stay in contact with old school/uni friends without having to invest lots of time and energy, its nice that you can see what they are up to without having to intrude with calls or emails etc.

OP posts:
JamesandHisFlamingSword · 18/01/2010 15:06

Maybe you should talk to her.

Sassybeast · 18/01/2010 15:08

You refer to her as a slag. That sort of cancels out any moral indignation on your part. Delete her as a friend on FB.

SlightlyFoxed · 18/01/2010 15:14

don't get into a discussion with her on FB about it - if it's a (disgusting I agree) term that's widely used, you saying that it is offensive etc is going to cut no ice whatsoever, and you will just be dismissed as an old fuddy duddy (bet the yoof don't say fuddy duddy though).

I'd just delete her and leave it at that. why are you "friends" with a 17 year old on FB anyway?

MarineIguana · 18/01/2010 15:16

New slang will always keep turning up and tbh it may well have more power and appeal if it's a reworking of a shocking word/concept. You probably seem as old as methuselah to her, fussing about this stuff and bothering her on FB. I do agree with you btw that it's horrible, but these teens will not care one jot and nor will facebook probably. What are you doing interacting with your neighbour's teen on FB anyway? Leave them all to it and do something more rewarding.

I hate FB - I'm on it in the most minimal of ways (no photos, no info) etc just because friends like to use it to tell me about parties and so on, but I refuse to get sucked in by people arsing about and making twats of themselves. Meh.

ImSoNotTelling · 18/01/2010 15:26

Mamazon I find your assumptions about this girl, her sex life and "It was highly likely in my mind that she had found herself in a position where a boy wouldnt accept no for an answer given her reputation" really offensive TBH.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 18/01/2010 15:47

Mamazon, it's horrible isn't it?

My teen sister comes out with the most shocking things. I heard her once say her friend had ' raped her homework'

thedollshouse · 18/01/2010 15:56

Perhaps you should just keep FB for your extended family and friends. You don't really need a neighbours daughter as a facebook "friend" do you?

I also agree with *Imsonottelling" that statement that you made is very offensive.

frakkinaround · 18/01/2010 16:11

It's a disgusting term but unfortunately widely used. You can try telling her but you may be best off just deleting her.

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