to wish people wouldn't expect me to obsess so much about sttn

[mrsbean78]

I am so, so sick of hearing everyone wang on about sttn.

I am a member of a baby group and while I have no issues with the other mothers having an interest in it from their own perspective (who doesn't want more sleep?), I am getting really tired of endless conversations about what I am doing to make my six week old baby sttn!

The very worst thing of it all is that they are all ffing, and I am predominantly bfing. As he has some formula top-ups (long story), the other mums can't understand why I won't give him a 'big feed' before bed to get him to sleep through. I feel I am constantly being told to give him this "big feed" again and again and again, to the point I feel I can't so much as yawn in their presence without these 'helpful' suggestions.

As their babies are ff, they are sttn for the majority of the time.. so not only am I given the impression they think I'm an idiot getting up in the middle of the night for a feed, but I have to listen to them tell me how much better they feel now they get a good night's sleep and how they can't understand why anyone would continue on with bfing when all it means is 'running yourself ragged' with sleep deprivation .

Hey, it could all be mine if I just gave him a "full feed" (as if my poor boobs were good for nothing!). No joke. I guess the're trying to be helpful but I personally feel that there is no justification in me stressing about a six week old not sttn, especially when I have no other factors that might complicate the situation e.g. I'm not a lone parent, I don't have to go back to work anytime soon, I don't have other children, he's not a twin!

Why is everyone so obsessed with sttn? Especially women whose babies are already sttn? I really don't mind the waking at night that much at this stage, it's cuddly time for us and I just think it's what I signed up for, you know? Is it really that bad to give up sleep to feed your tiny baby?

Well said Pikelet.

I also know many mothers who were obsessed with getting their children to settle themselves, to the point where a couple of them had never let their baby fall asleep on them, always put them down in their cot.

I may be sleep deprived, and may look a little more weathered than I did four years ago but I would not sacrifice the feeling of a tiny baby asleep on my chest for all the sleep in the world.

It's the best part of motherhood and one which disappears all to quickly.

Their loss if you ask me.

This is why I haven't joined any Mothers groups. Frankly I couldn't give a shit what anybody else does with their babies and I don't want anyone elses' unsolicited input into mine when she eventually leaves her warm and cosy swimming pool.

Fruitstick, that sort of "let them sort themselves out, I'm not letting them get reliant on me" attitude really makes me wonder why some people bother having children at all.

15mths in and my DS has never slept through. He was FF and is now on cow's milk but is still taking a bottle overnight and generally just fussing. I too am sick to death of people asking me why he's not sttn - I don't blinking know!

I usually wake up once or twice in the night (to have a wee, or because I'm thirsty or there was noise in the road). If I still haven't learned after 33 years, why on earth should a baby have learned after only 6 weeks? That's so tiny, babies have barely realised they exist yet so why the rush to have them not want your contact and comfort 24/7? And more to the point, missing out on cuddles for you?

YANBU....but....Everyone is just trying to get through. What sounds like smug is often just sheer bloodly relief at perhaps getting a tick in one of the apparent boxes of motherhood. However, it is very, very frustrating to be involved in endless obsessing about sleep. Mind you, so is someone who is obviously delighted by their child's sleep trying to play it down to save your feelings. Basically, when I wasn't sleeping I had days when I resented the entire world who could sleep when they needed to! And I know a lot of people who are going alsmost the other way, i.e. making people feel like they're bad mothers if their baby does sstn! Clearly not feeding correctly, or, shock horror, formula feeding cos otherwise you'd be up too! I don't think anyone means to, but it is so easy to upset people who are bags of sleep deprived hormones (ie how I was and still am on occasion).

Fibilou, I would rather not 'compare notes' on parenting either. At least not in RL, would prefer to do it online where I can bow in and out of discussions as it suits me and if I want to sit there with one eyebrow cocked in scepticism or crying my eyes out with worry, I can do so without feeling rude/like a lunatic.

However, I am a new mum on maternity leave in an area where I know nobody and they are my passport out of the house!

I find it hard that the conversation has to revolve around the children though. Don't get me wrong, I can sit and stare for hours at my son's tiny little ears in wonder that I contributed genetic material to something so perfect, but I find that my feelings about parenting and my baby are very private and I don't really want to share them with people outside of my family. My husband is a bigger baby bore than I am!
I understand we are going to talk about the babies as our point of common interest and 'bonding', but the competitiveness is, as I said, something I just wasn't prepared for.

Then again, I would consider myself fairly non-judgemental.. but then I'm not immune to a bit of it - I'm sure my face betrayed my disapproval when a fellow mum said she'd decided to put her baby sleeping face down because his grunts and groans were keeping her awake and nobody dies of cot death anyway . Maybe there's a little switch that flicks on when you become a mum that makes you judge people for things you would have considered none of your business.. maybe in a few months I'll be telling new mums that all their babies need is an x or a y! Still quite new to all of this!

fruitstick - "I would not sacrifice the feeling of a tiny baby asleep on my chest for all the sleep in the world.

It's the best part of motherhood and one which disappears all to quickly."

I couldn't agree more. My little boy now very rarely falls asleep on me and I miss it miss it miss it! I can't believe how fleeting the teeny tiny sleepy baby bit is.

Haven't read the whole thread but if most of them say that their six week old babies are sleeping through then they are a bunch of lying bints, FF or not.

Congrats MrsBean! My DD is 15 mo and doesn't sleep through so I just lie through my teeth (and plaster on that magic under-eye concealer stuff) to avoid 'helpful' tips I love our night time cuddles too, there's nothing in the world like it.

I wouldn't worry about everyone harping on about sttn, once their babies start rolling over/crawling/walking/talking then there will be all new things for them to get competitive about

People told me that my baby should be sleeping 6 hours a night at 6 weeks. He was FF and at 6 weeks when this did not happen, I wondered what the hell I was doing wrong. Now 4 months, he often sleeps for 8-10 hour stretches through the night but this is not due to a bigger-than-usual last feed, nor sleep training, he is a big baby and we just got lucky. When people ask me about sleeping I am honest but I will always tell them that I do know how lucky I am. Many of my friends and relatives have had a dream DC1 and then later DCs who take ages to sleep through, so I will appreciate it while it lasts

YANBU, but sleep is just one part of parenting. Their children will take longer to do other things later on, the competition will never end... If you want to change the subject, lie, then come onto mumsnet for support from other sleep deprived mums

I'd also confirm that nothing comes without a price! Sure, ds1 slept through the night from 3 weeks but he was a fearful tantrummer at two years old. And I mean fearful! DS2 never really took to sleeping through the night but at 2 was an easy, amiable little boy in all other ways.

Mrs Bean just ignore them and they are probably LYING, I felt just the same (DC breasfeed 3 hourly till 10 months , how we laughed)

Its weird, you want to get out of the house, and when you do the Mummies and conversation bore you shitless

happy days....