Leaving hospital on public transport

[hellywobs]

In a couple of weeks my son is due to have a small operation, which should be able to be done as a day case. I live an hour from the hospital and had intended to go on the train, as I don't like driving in the dark at the best of times and I don't like motorway driving either. My husband is not keen on driving in the dark either and he gets very stressed when he doesn't know where he's going - yes, we're a pair of wimps!

Also I think a train might be more comfortable than our car, especially if I invest in a first class ticket for the journey back. I have now discovered that the hospital has a policy of not letting children go home by public transport (they must leave by either car or taxi, nothing else). I am not happy about driving in the dark on the motorway on a cold (possibly icy/snowy) January evening. The hospital says it is dangerous to use public transport. I think it is more dangerous to use a car. Their rationale is that if there were a problem after the operation, you can't stop a train (no, but you can arrange an ambulance to be at the next station and there are a couple of major hospitals en route). I'm not sure what the issue with buses is. The sister on the ward said that if there is a problem on the motorway I can stop on the hard shoulder and call an ambulance (and wait for a lorry to plough into the back of me). My mum thinks I should stay overnight, which might be a good idea in any event and the hospital will arrange this, but this means I need to book a B&B for my husband in the area (I can stay with my son at the hospital) and of course I can't really book a B&B because the operation might be cancelled for a dozen reasons, especially if we get more snow, and I would still have to pay for the room, so I'll have to book something at short notice and hope I can get somewhere (otherwise he'll have to come home and come back for us in the morning). But has anyone else experienced this, and what happens if you defy the hospital - I have visions of their calling social servicess.
It just seems like adding unnecessary stress to what is already very stressful. I'm also not keen on staying overnight because of the risk of infection etc. Plus: there is a lack of parking so for everybody else they advise you use public transport, so even if we took the car we might not get a space - so even more stress. I do think these policies are daft - it should depend on the needs and circumstances of the child.

To be honest - I think YABU. The hospital will have a reason for this policy - whether right or wrong and they obviously think that it is better for the health of your son to not go on public transport.

I'm more concerned about the fact that you don't want to drive in the dark but you have a car?

Please don't take this personally but I don't get this at all. Either you have passed your driving test or you haven't. Either you are competent to drive a car or you are not.

If you are not comfortable to drive at night or on the motorway then in my personal opinion you shouldn't have a license at all.

Please don't take that as a personal attack as I don't mean it that way - I would say it to anyone (and have!!)

If you refuse to drive in the dark but the hospital have advised you not to travel by public transport then in my opinion you have no choice left but to book a B&B and drive home in the morning or your husband not to come at all. Surely that would be cheaper than paying for a 1st class train ticket anyway.

I would want to get my son home asap, not picking up germs on public transport - I would think there would be more germs on a train during rush hour (which it would be if it was dark) than in a hospital overnight. I would make my dh drive so I could sit with son or vice versa. It's only a hour.

I agree with cat that age of child would make a difference. To a toddler it might not make that much difference where he is; to an older child, if he developed the shakes and started throwing up, being in a public place would add a lot to the trauma of the experience.

The risk of infection is present from the moment he sets foot in the hospital.

Ask the ward about hospital transport, say you won't have access to a car that day and they may be able to set you up with free transport. They need at least 48 hours notice in our local hospital.
This week our car was off the road so we couldn't get to my son's chemo appointment. A lovely bloke came, with a cover on his back seat ('coz I knew it was a little un') and made the whole thing stress-free.
Sound like an advert now, sorry.

I think YABU hellywobs (if you're still here)

The hospital has this policy in place for a reason, to make sure if something happens you can get back, and it will cause your DS much less stress having to get to stations/hanging around, in a car he could just fall asleep until you get back

Cars have these things on the front of them called headlight, they produce light and are brilliant for night driving.

My DS needs to have OPs, there is no way I would take him on public transport, even when I didn't drive I sorted out a lift, and to just not drive because you don't like driving in the dark is IMO very selfish.

get a taxi to the train station.

Right - so your child can be vomiting while you're driving along on a mtorway at 70mph or he can be vomiting in a train where you can get up from your seat and take him to a toilet.

Hmmmm.....

This car dependent society drives me NUTS!!!!

He would probably be vomiting on a train. but he would just be sleeping in the car because he wont be waiting around, possibly standing up, getting dizzy, he will just walk to the car, and then walk into the house.

you dont like driving in the dark... sorry but yabu!

YABU. You've had notice of this operation and have plenty of time to do a 'dummy run' so you can get used to the journey. It's pretty normal thing to do, after all - you're not being asked to drive the length of Africa or anything, you're being asked to drive for an hour in the dark to get your child home safely and comfortably. In a car you have relative privacy and your child won't experience the humiliation of chucking up in front of a load of strangers. With you and your husband in the car, one of you can drive and one can take care of your son.

YABU - the hospital have offered you a bed overnight (which they were under no obligation to do so) to save your ds having to undergo a long journey home when he might still be feeling sick/shakey.

Take the bed and get dh to pick you up in the morning.

Not sure where the problem is tbh but maybe because you are anxious about his op you are overthinking things.

YAB(a bit)U.

I had my wisdom teeth out as a day case and if someone had told me I had to get on a train afterwards I would have said "No way. I'll stay here until tomorrow."

I felt disorientated/sore and just wanted to get home and rest- not do cab/train/cab with the risk of delays/ packed carriages and hanging around in the cold.

If you booked a local cab to drive you all the way home from the hospital, it probably won't be much more than 2 first class train tickets.

Re the B&B- this might well be the best option and I dont think everywhere will be booked up in January- most have a 24hr cancellelation policy anyway, especially if you explain the situation.

"Right - so your child can be vomiting while you're driving along on a mtorway at 70mph or he can be vomiting in a train where you can get up from your seat and take him to a toilet.

Hmmmm.....

This car dependent society drives me NUTS!!!! "

Totally agree zippy.

I asked the OP but she has fled so I'll ask the rest of you who are keen on public transport - would you really prefer to travel home by taxi/train/taxi after an operation rather than be driven? Really??

I have done.

On the tube, when I was a child.

It was fine. I am about this car better thing. Far more likely to vomit in a car than on a train, and if mums driving who's going to look after you?

As long as it's not rush hour public transport fine. And SAFER as well.

Do you NEVER go out at night in the car then? Seems a bit strange to me.......

drive your son home, or let your dh drive while one of you sits in the back with him.

surely this is worth getting over your fear of driving at night for?

FWIW I think it's a bit unfair to have a go at the OP for what, it seems, amounts to a phobia of driving at night.

It might not seem logical but if she genuinely feels fear at driving in the dark, just telling her to get over it isn't really going to help.

I can identify to an extent, I was always terrified of driving and used to literally piss myself everytime I went to get into the car.

I had to gradually build up my confidence by slowly making small changes to my usual route to and from the supermarket, over time my confidence improved, but I still don't relish the idea of driving in an area I'm totally unfamiliar with.

I think it takes time and I'm not sure the OP being a nervous wreck driving her son home is really going to be beneficial to anyone.

re puking on train vs car

Vomiting in public is really humiliating for anyone. Not sure how old the child in question is, but if over the age of 5, they'd probably rather puke in the privacy of the backseat of parent's car. When you are feeling rough, you do not want to have to be in public.

This might also be to the preference of the commuters on said train [waits to get flamed for putting rights of theoretical banker over those of sick child].

Have been puked on on packed train. Was not good, for either me, or the puker, who was mortified.

Why is everyone so convinced that this child is going to be puking everywhere anyway?

Some people do, some don't. Some have a quick chunder when they first come round and that's it.

They won't be leaving the hospital until the child has pretty much recovered. I think this assertion there is going to be vomit flying everywhere is rather OTT.

I think it sad that so many people are obviously so utterly car-centred. No wonder our public transport is fucked. No-one trusts it or wants to use it.

Even though it is SAFER than going by car and will free mum up to look after the child. She can feed and water the child, help them to toilet if they need it. They can look at a comic togetehr, whatever. In car child is strapped into back seat and mum is driving. I cannot see how that is better.

You're concerned about travelling in potentially snowy weather. The trains round here are the first things to pack up as soon as the first snowflake falls. Yet you'd elect to hang around on a draughty railway platform in preference to a warm car? And you've still got the journey to the station from the hospital. Not sure I'd fancy that after an op.

Look, I know you're clearly anxious about this operation, but I do think you (and your DH) need to get a grip about the driving business. If DH gets stressed when he doesn't know where he's going then do a couple of trial runs first, so he does know.

Like insisting babies leave in car seats evenb when the paretns have no car. it's bloody ridiculous

OP- if you are still around it might be an idea for you and DH to do a pass plus driving course if you are nervous drivers, I did one right after my driving test and it made me much more confident about driving at night and on the motorway. You'll have to drive at night when he's a teenager, teenagers are nocturnal.

Why does she have to drive at night when he's a teenager?

Hey, some of us don't even have cars, and, guess what (shoking news) - we manage just fine. I'm pretty sure than a train journey, with things to look at, food, drink and toilet available when you need it is actually easier than a long car journey. And I'm also sure that if the hospital is in any doubt about whether the OP's son is fit to travel (by whatever method) they'll keep him in overnight.

Just lie to them. They do not have any power over you. It is also a ridiculously ignorant policy anyway - lots of people are car free and do not happen to have vast amounts of spare money to spend on taxis (and the average loopycab from Mr Dodgy's Dodgycars up the road is far less comfortable and safe than a bus or a train anyway).

sorry but I think YABU.

Agree with the poster who said you either can drive or you can't. That includes driving at night, on motorways and in busy traffic.

The hospital have that policy inplace for a reason, you and your dh both need to get over your fears re driving or you will find life very limiting.

Cannpt believe posters who think child becoming ill in the train is better than the car??! It would be a nightmare. In a car you drive to the nearest service station and sort him out then carry on with your journey at your own pace stopping when necessary.