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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hair cut at school - lack of supervision

76 replies

fernie3 · 15/01/2010 21:56

My daughter (reception age) came home from school with one of her pigtails cut off. The teacher told me she had found it on the floor and traced it back to my daughter (she was the only one with half her hair missing). The teacher couldnt explain what happened and didnt know if my daughter had cut it off herself or if someone else had done it.
My daughters hair is thick and so cutting of an entire pigtail takes a sharp scissors!.

I didnt say anything at the time because I dont like reacting in the spur of the moment and I was quite upset to see her hair hacked off.

I have tried asking her what happened but she just curls up in a ball on the floor and makes whining noises which no matter how nicely I try she wont stop doing so I gave up.

Would I be unreasonable to question this

why was my daughter alone with something sharp enough to cut her pigtail straight off?

Is it unreasonable for me to have expected the teacher to have at least have been close enough to see what happened even if not to stop it (i know how fast 5 year olds can move!)

I am taking her to the hairdresser tomorrow but im not sure what they can really do to improve it

OP posts:

pointysaysrelax · 16/01/2010 14:35

gerroverit.

Nearly everyone I know has a secretive hair chopping story. And of course your child is bored at school. 85% of children are bored at school these days. It's a fact. Home ed.

Goblinchild · 16/01/2010 14:36

"I would not take her to the hairdressers immediately, she wanted it cut it got cut - let her wear it for a week."

But OMG What Would People Think?

Morloth · 16/01/2010 14:37

Goblinchild "You can stab someone with a good sharp pencil...wasn't that a thread a while back?"

Surely only a problem for vampires?

Morloth · 16/01/2010 14:38

Presumably they would think she was a 5yo girl who got her hands on some scissors?

This thread is funny. I am in a good mood today.

MrsvWoolf · 16/01/2010 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nancydrewrocks · 16/01/2010 15:07

Obviously that was how teachers are treated by parents.

Serioulsy it is a fucking tragedy that quality teachers leave teaching because of shite like this.

Bring back rote learning, keeping your mouth shut and separate desks. Oh and the cane.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 16/01/2010 15:10

My ds is in reception and someone in his class had their hair cut by another child. The teacher knew about it though and told the mother.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 16/01/2010 15:17

None of mine have cut their hair or their siblings and are 4, 6 and 8. I guess there is still time!!

PurpleHeffalump · 16/01/2010 15:18

Ok - so maybe I was being a bit dramatic to say that I will leave teaching just because of the parents. However, I am looking at leaving in the next few years because of: behaviour of children; lack of back-up from parents re: behaviour of children; OFSTED; mountains of paperwork; health and safety; APP; league tables; SATS; constant changes in government policy and attitudes of parents and children.

lilackaty · 16/01/2010 15:21

I haven't read the whole thing but it is totally normal for reception children to have scissors unsupervised ime unless there are issues that prevents that.

BrigitBigKnickers · 16/01/2010 15:23

Just read your previous two posts PurpleHeffalump

I would just like to say..

"Hear Hear- well said!"

IncontinentiaBotox · 16/01/2010 15:27

It cuts both ways though purple - yes, there are children and parents with appalling and unsupportive attitudes to school and to teachers

however there are also teachers who hold appalling prejudices and attitudes towards parents and who are uncommunicative/patronising/arrogant

we are ALL human beings after all, not just teachers

and there are plenty of teachers who love their jobs, have good relationships with their parents and AREN'T considering jacking it all in

I think your posts, while understandably impassioned, present a very one-sided view of the situation

mysteryfairy · 16/01/2010 15:30

My DD had her long hair cut when she was in reception by her friend and friend's older sister. They were playing makeovers at the time and DD claimed she did not realise what they were doing.

The full extent of damage was not immediately apparent as her hair was tied in a bunch and only when we took the hairband out that night did quite a lot of it fall away.

I was really really distressed and actually found it quite hard to look at DD, although I obviously put on my bravest face to her.

It was the school holidays and I was still very grateful to friend's mum who had been looking after DD that day - certainly didn't have a go for inadequate supervision as I know there would be ample opportunity for that to happen on my watch.

Poor DD, I had work commitments which meant a couple of days elapsed before I could get her to the hairdresser's and she went to holiday club looking a complete sight. She then had to have a fringe cut in for the first time ever (only just got her hair fully back to all one length three years later) and came out with considerably shorter hair and still some patchy bits. The offender haircutter didn't get it out of her system and cropped her own hair down to the scalp a few weeks later, so DD got off quite lightly.

On the upside my hairdresser refused to charge for the cut out of sympathy at what had happened! She did say they were all experienced in rescuing such situations in the salon.

Goblinchild · 16/01/2010 15:35

Most people on this thread seem to be responding with remarkable sanity though PurpleHeffalump. When you are 5, your understanding of action=consequence is still a bit rudimentary, and the concept of irreversible change is not one that registers.
I remember cutting my doll's hair and being upset when I was told it wouldn't grow back. I refused to believe my mother as well.

PurpleHeffalump · 16/01/2010 15:40

Of cause it does - it's my view! And I know that there are crap teachers - I work with a few of them. That could be added to my list of reasons to leave too!

Like I said - there are lots of wonderful parents who support the school. And I also said that the parents wasn't actually a main reason as to why I want to leave teaching - just added to it. At the end of a long day dealing with all the other crap, a parent coming and having a go at you can just push it too far. I absolutely, truely love teaching and have a great relationship with all children (at 10/11 years old I'd never hold a child's behaviour/attitude again them) and with most parents - it's just a shame that everything else gets in the way.

Anyway - this tread wasn't about teaching in general. (Plus I didn't expect everyone to agree with me - that's why I posted it here and not on a teaching forum!).

So back to the AIBU?...
Yes - get over it. It's actually quite fully - still have image in my head of the teacher handing you back your DD's ponytail (don't know if she did!).

5Foot5 · 16/01/2010 15:47

Pikelit: "I know hardly anyone whose child hasn't chopped at their hair - or been the "chopper"! "

Ashamed to say it but in our case it was me who chopped a huge lump out of DDs hair when she was 6. Someone bought her a battery operated hamster for her birthday and we were playing letting it run up her arm. Then I said "Let him run over your head". Unfortunately her (long) hair got caught in the workings and as it ran it got tighter and tighter till she was screaming that it hurt. I turned the hamster off but by then it was so tangled up that I had to cut a big chunk of hair off to get it out.

When I took her to the hairdressers she said to DD in sickly sweet voice "Has someone been cutting her hair then?" At which point DD glared at me and pointed....

PurpleHeffalump · 16/01/2010 15:48

Yes Goblinchild - most people have stated that it isn't such a big deal/every child does it, etc. But that is exactly my point - add up the people posting on this tread and work out the ratio of those who think that fernie3 should be outraged/talk to the teacher or headteacher. Than apply that ratio to a school of say 200 children and work out how many parents would be having a go at the teacher/ demanding that their child doesn't have free access to scissors/ demanding a meeting with the head teacher.

It only takes one parent like this per class to really get to you.

Anyway - am leaving this tread now to get through a pile of paperwork and planning as we have OFSTED due apparently!

Goblinchild · 16/01/2010 16:08

PurpleHeffalump, I've been a primary teacher for over 29 years. I know!

pranma · 16/01/2010 16:31

PurpH the plural of parents doesn't have an apostrophe!Re hair-it happens,it shouldn't but it does.

pranma · 16/01/2010 16:33

Sorry PH it was over the page and I am being a nit picking pedant on a grey Saturday afternoon.

pantomimecow · 16/01/2010 16:37

It would have taken a while to cut through a thick pig tail even with sharp scissors.I can't see your DD could have not known it was going on, so I think it was either her who did it or someone else with her collaboration.

mummyflood · 16/01/2010 17:20

I don't think it would be unreasonable to expect the teacher to have a 'circle time' to remind them all of the rules regarding scissor use. Whilst it would be unreasonable to actually 'blame' the teacher for what happened, surely it's natural to expect her to at least speak to the class and point out that this is inappropriate behaviour? Perhaps she has already told you she will do this next week?

Original poster

fernie3 · 16/01/2010 17:24

I didn't say anything to the teacher and I didnt complain or accuse the teacher of anything. I just thanked her for telling me and went home. As I said im my first post I WAS upset to see my daughter come out like that and I dont like reacting without thinking about it.

I obviously had no idea that the children were SUPPOSED to be allowed free access to scissors etc otherwise I wouldnt have wondered in the first place.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 16/01/2010 17:32

I bet there isn't a teacher in the land who hasn't had a DC cut their own hair. My DS took a lump out of his at home-he had to have a really short haircut after it.
I would agree that she must have had sharp scissors to do it and it makes me think that she must have done it herself because it would have taken time and she would have had to kept still. If another DC did it she must have agreed to it. In my experience it is far more usual for a DC to cut their own than someone elses.

secretskillrelationships · 16/01/2010 17:55

But surely the teacher is ultimately responsible for what happens in his/her classroom. I'm NOT saying it is the teacher's fault by any means, just that she was the person most able to get to the bottom of what happened. She knows the characters of the children in her class and is less emotionally involved.

I wouldn't go in complaining but if this happened to my child I would expect the teacher to be able to tell me about it. After all, when my son was bitten at nursery (at 2) the staff were more than capable of finding out the circumstances and talking to both children about their behaviour. Interestingly, although the other child had other biting episodes, he never bit my DS again!

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