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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this joint present situation?

37 replies

MummyAnnabella · 15/01/2010 14:18

my sis is 30 soon and another sis phoned to say think we should get joint present.

so far so good, i say sounds like good idea what did you have in mind? she says has been talking to sis and there is watch she likes. sis's b/f is getting bracelet of same make st £110. but watch is £300.

sis says she will give £50 which is fair enough though we usually spend about £30. she says other sis is in but hasnt stated an amount and seemed a bit put out at whole thing having to state an amount and said she would give whatever was asked. this is also fair enough other sis is generous and i sympathise with her feelings on this one.

so organising sis said if mum also pays in then do-able but mum a bit unsure as just got rest of us normal presents ie about £30 and by my sums would need to pay in about £100 here leaving me and other sis with about £75 each which i am not comfortable with.

i just feel like it is about trying to get as much out of us as she can - the birthday sis backed up by the other one. bday one would have always been spoilt. though to be fair it is organising sis who has suggested the watch as present though it seems to have been mentioned by bday sis and her b/f (cant help but wonder if b/f told to mention.

how would you feel? what would you do?

OP posts:
corriefan · 15/01/2010 14:28

I think you should either all have to give the same amount or can she have vouchers towards it? Or if it's going to cause a huge rift pay and grit teeth!

PurpleEglu · 15/01/2010 14:28

I think unless everyone is able to put in an equal amount to the present then you should not buy a joint present.

upahill · 15/01/2010 14:30

I agree with Purple

GoddessInTheKitchen · 15/01/2010 14:32

can you all afford it? i don't see the problem with different amounts being spent on different people (if it can be afforded) but if you can't then just say 'sorry but i can't afford that much'

GoddessInTheKitchen · 15/01/2010 14:32

i also agree with purple

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 15/01/2010 14:33

yeah i kind of thought should be equal or even if she had said a tenner more would make it up but think it leaves me other sis and mum to go a bit far.

she did say if we dont get enough then could do £200 in vouchers but i thought that may be a bit odd - here is your present put the rest to it. i guess if she is set on the watch then she may be okay to do so.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 15/01/2010 14:37

I think if you normally spend around £30 on each other, then a £300 present split four ways is £75 each. More than double what you all normally spend. Turning thirty isn't that big a deal. I'd say organising sis and birthday girl need to rethink on the present request.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 15/01/2010 14:42

sis at £50 couldnt afford more and at present i cant as on mat leave. other sis prob could easily but i think such a diff is unfair.

£75 each def too much in terms of usual spend. for other 3 of us we bought joint present at about £100 from 3 of us.

we dont seem to have a plan B which is also why i feel pressurised as its like this is all she wants.

maybe she needs to be asked if she wants £200 viuchers or something else?

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 15/01/2010 14:49

I think if she's really keen on the watch she'll probably be happy with vouchers towards it. You shouldn't feel pressurized to overspend. For what its worth, my sisters and I never spend more than £20 -£30 on each other for birthdays, I think that's a perfectly reasonable amount.

twittertotter · 15/01/2010 14:49

dittoe with purple ...

I know this is no help now but I've avoided exactly this kind of situation by saying I've already got something in mind to get for the person or have already bought the gift.

tooo many scars of paying for the joint present and then never getting money back from siblings!

Also with sil,, she once asked for money so she could take my brother to posh restaurant for dinner.... turned out she wanted us ( me and 2 siblings) to cover 75% of the cost of the meal for two so she would be benefiting.

I think you back out of this if you have the time - spedning £30 or £50 on a present is more than enough!

alarkaspree · 15/01/2010 14:51

Why doesn't the boyfriend put the £110 towards the watch instead of the bracelet? If she wants a £300 watch that much. Or else just get her to pick a cheaper one. MummyA you don't have to feel pressured, just tell her to come up with a plan B because plan A is too expensive.

FimbleHobbs · 15/01/2010 14:57

Do they sell the watch at Goldsmiths? If so you can use tesco reward vouchers there. Or just give organising sis your £50 and say thats how much you can stretch to and leave it up to her to decide what to do.

Coldhands · 15/01/2010 15:32

Is there not another watch similar that would be cheaper? That seems like a lot of money to me for a watch. I also agree that a joint present should mean each person paying the same amount and £75 sounds like a lot of money to me. If people can't agree I would say, sorry, nice idea but I am going to get my own thing.

diddl · 15/01/2010 15:37

If you don´t usually spend that amount then imo it´s a ridiculous idea.

Why has your sister suggested such a expensive present?

I´d be mortified by the thought of my sisters having to agonise like this.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 15/01/2010 16:04

bf has already got bracelet. watch only at one jewellers. i think it is a lot for the watch as it isnt even one of the classic makes more a fashionable one.

she is and always has been quite spoilt!

think i will tell sis that i will put in £50 and leave it to her. she can check if bday sis wants vouchers or something else. another watch doesnt seem to be an option.

sounds fair enough?

OP posts:
DecorHate · 15/01/2010 16:22

I think that is fine. Tbh I find it a little odd that the sister who is organising it is wanting to buy something that she can't afford to pay her fair share towards...

I often feel pressured by siblings to contribute towards expensive joint presents for our parents - I only work very part-time & have 3 dcs - two of them have no dcs and the disposable income to match!

DecorHate · 15/01/2010 16:22

I think that is fine. Tbh I find it a little odd that the sister who is organising it is wanting to buy something that she can't afford to pay her fair share towards...

I often feel pressured by siblings to contribute towards expensive joint presents for our parents - I only work very part-time & have 3 dcs - two of them have no dcs and the disposable income to match!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 15/01/2010 16:24

I think you have a lot of sisters

I think you should just say that you are not comfortable paying such a ridiculous amount, you are happy to put in £30 and happy to do a joint present but it needs to be a little more realistic.

Just be honest.

LoveBeingAMummy · 15/01/2010 16:25

Just a thought but has anyone loked to see if you can get it cheaper on the internet?

diddl · 15/01/2010 16:45

How many of you are there?

gorionine · 15/01/2010 16:51

Yanbu, it clearly is not fair to let you pay for the shortfal.

We often do joint presents in the family but we do procede the other way round: everyone puts what they can afford in the pot first and then the decision is made as to what we are going to get, depending on the amount we got.

This way the last one to put money in the pot does not have to pay for the entire shortfall if one was not able to afford as much as another.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 15/01/2010 17:22

yeah i thought a bit off for sis to organise and then say i cant afford more than 50 but to hint that rest of us could.

do have lot of sisters but clearly not enough for this flippin watch!

cant get cheaper on net, already tried that! also jewellers wont discount that brand as mark up not huge.

3 sisters and mum contributing and i think 50 each maz is more than generous.

i have in the past put more in the pot than other sister whn working ft and no children. not working at mo and 3 kids so different circs which no one seems to notice!

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 15/01/2010 17:30

I don't think its fair for anyone to put in extra, and this is why we hardly ever do joint presents

mysteryfairy · 15/01/2010 17:42

Have to ask - is it a Links of London sweetie bracelet and watch? The prices seem to fit very well...

I think if your mum is so so about contributing and there are three of you sisters - you can afford the bracelet based on normal contributions - but not the watch.

If she wants the watch that much sounds like her DP should step up to the mark. I would never ask my siblings to get me something that bucked the trend of what we spent so significantly - would see that as DH's privilege.

Otherwise if I am right about the items there are a good selection of charms that fit into your price range - just tell her you will be happy to get one of those to stick with the theme.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 15/01/2010 18:51

oh mystery fairy you are clever! prob is her bf has already bought bracelet. i agree though that would have been what i thought as think he got bracelet and a few other things. i wouldnt have expected a bigger present form sisters than sig other.

havent seen charms but fear it may be a bit late now to strike out on own as have said to sis if everyone else agrees then will also go but never said amount just said i thought her suggestion of 50 sounded enough.

OP posts:
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