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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to encourage DD15 to ....

49 replies

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 09:41

do her degree with the Open University rather than actually go to a university?

she's about to do gcse's,then 6th form for A levels....then uni. BUT....she wants to be out there in the big world and earning to buy the designer stuff she loves.

i'm not sure,but i think she might be re considering further study,and might just decide to grab first job she can in order to get a wage!!

not sure what to do....sell her the OU as a compromise?or push her to go away to uni?

she wants to be a teacher....primary.

AIBU to promote OU?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 14/01/2010 09:48

well i would wait until the time comes and see how she feels then!

EcoMouse · 14/01/2010 09:52

OU takes an immense amount of commitment, organisation and self control. Do you think she'd would manage this without the structure of a uni?

I don't think it would be an ideal option for a teenager but every teen's different!

I can't offer an opinion on whether YABU, only you know your daughter (but I do think it would be a lot to expect).

EcoMouse · 14/01/2010 09:54

Oh, she's only 15? I thought you meant your 15th daughter

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 09:54

if she decides to leave school after gcse's....a few months away,then thats that. she'll be out of the system and trying to find work. she won't stay at 6th form.

her group of friends are all mixed,some staying on,some leaving..

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 14/01/2010 09:57

Is it a bit early to be deciding? Applications for university don't start until the second year of 6th form.

If she goes out and gets a job I doubt she'll want to spend all her time when she's not at work studying.

bunnymother · 14/01/2010 09:58

Will no doubt get flamed, but... Would look at which is the university with the best teaching degree (ie they are usually rated somewhere) and do everything you can to steer her there.

Rightly or wrongly, you are often judged on where you got your degree. After you have been working for a while your job experience counts more, but at least initially its important esp for getting that first job.

My area was law and where you got your degree was very important, so I may have this all wrong re teaching. Have to run so sorry to post and dash, but wanted to throw one opinion "in the ring". Good luck!!

EcoMouse · 14/01/2010 09:58

Bribe her to stay on for 6th form!

DecorHate · 14/01/2010 10:00

Frankly I would do everything within my power to get my children to continue their further education rather than pander to a shallow, immature desire to buy more designer crap. Nothing against OU btw, just agree you need to be very motivated to do distance learning (wouldn't suit me for example) and it would be interesting to see how the drop-out rates compare to standard universities,,,

Maybe if she continues her education she will be able to understand that a lot of designer stuff is normal stuff with a label bunged on it at an inflated price

Can you not sell it to her on the fabulous social life she will have there?! If you have a job you have to get up every morning after you've been out the night before - much easier to skip lectures

thisisyesterday · 14/01/2010 10:01

i think you need to let her make her own choices.

she knows if she wants to be a teacher she needs to carry on with education, but ultimately it's her choice.

i chose not to go to uni, and went and got a job insteaad.
i worked, i earned money, i travelled a lot- it was great doing it while i was young and I had a lot of fun

when i got tired of it i did another college course and then applied (and was acecpted) at Uni.

there is no set way of doing it. and like as ecomouse says, OU courses are really demanding and take a lot of self control. I tried to do one once but never finished it-I am the kind of person who needs someone pushing me a lot!

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 10:02

no Trillion,not too early,cos if she leaves school in the summer then she wont be in the system to do her A levels.

school meeting for those staying on (parents information and form filling) is next week....

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 14/01/2010 10:04

Oh, right, it looked like you said that she definitely was staying for A-levels.

She won't be able to buy much designer stuff on a leaving-school-at-16 wage.

claw3 · 14/01/2010 10:05

Explain the pros and cons of both.

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 10:07

i dabbled with ou myself,years ago. its probably changed alot..

i have told her about fantastic social life,memories etc etc... and am trying to bribe her,but the lure of a wage is tempting her,i can see it!

decorhate....know what you're saying about all the designer stuff! getting through to her is tough tho.

OP posts:

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 10:09

good point about low starting wage Trillion....will tell her that one!

OP posts:

heartmoonshadow · 14/01/2010 10:10

Hi,

If she wants to be a primary teacher she will be judged on her experience with primary children. Getting onto a teaching degree is very difficult and the best thing she can do is take her A'levels and volunteer at a local school during her 'free periods' as this will look good on an application. The OU route would not be advisable - as it is not (in my opinion anyway) a good route to teaching.

I was that 18 year old girl who wanted to work and travel instead of going to Uni - my mum did not persuade me. Instead I got a job, got married and then after 10 years got divorced it was only then that I realised what I truly wanted and went back to Uni as a mature student.

If you can gently persuade her to go to Uni - if it doesn't work support her and hopefully she will get what she really wants one day.

crankytwanky · 14/01/2010 10:15

You could try bribing her with a designer item or two to stay at FT Ed.

She will be able to afford more in the long term if she gets a better job. I'm not sure someone so young would have the discipline for OU. I would struggle at 29.

I didn't go to Uni, and regret it bitterly.

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 10:24

yes,i regret not going to uni also. you don't get those years back..

OP posts:

DecorHate · 14/01/2010 10:28

In spite of my earlier post, I would add that I know a couple of people who left school at 16 but went back to university later in life and tbh probably did a lot better from an academic pov that they would have done straight from school. If she is only going to go to please you she may not fare very well...

But whereas 20-30 years ago you could get a decent job straight from school (at least with A levels) things are very different now.

If she does decide to get a job you absolutely must start charging her rent - she will soon find out how little money she has left to buy nice things!

MissAnneElk · 14/01/2010 10:36

She needs to come to her own conclusions, but I'd sit down with her and work out what she could expect to be paid for doing a job at 16 (not much) and explain how much of that she will need to give you for rent. Also, presumably at the moment you pay for things like phone top ups which as a working person she would have to pay for herself. She won't have much left to spend on designer gear.

Most students do some holiday or part time work. Can she work this summer holiday to build up some cash to spend during the year?

I agree that she could go to university in the future if she changes her mind and both DH and my brother did this successfully. I would have liked to have done this but life got in the way and I've always regretted not going to university. Also IMO going to university when you are young enables you to get the best out of the social aspect of it.

thisisyesterday · 14/01/2010 10:36

but do you not think that bribing her to stay on and go to Uni may just end with her being unhappy at Uni (because it wasn't what she actually wanted) and ultimately dropping out?

it's all well and good wanting the best for your children, but they aren't you. they have to decide what to do themselves!
agree totally with getting her to sit with you and write down all the pros and cons- but she needs to make the decision herself. without bribery of any form

it really isn't difficult these days to go back to Uni and study as a mature student.

CornishKK · 14/01/2010 10:36

My Mum told us that as soon as we left education we had to get a job, when we had a job we had to start contributing to the household income. I didn't have much money to spend on designer crap after giving my Mum "keep money"!

Your DD needs to make her own choices but if you make them based on how real life is, i.e. your minimum wage minus rent will buy you a tin of baked beans not a pair of Ugg boots she might head in the right direction?!

thisisyesterday · 14/01/2010 10:37

and yes, agree with pointing out that

she probably can't get a very good job at 16 2)it won't earn much
she has to pay some keep

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 14/01/2010 10:40

You need to help your daughter realize that the sort of job she gets without an education is not the sort of job that pays well enough to cater to her designer taste!

If she wants to be able to buy expensive stuff, she needs to aim a little higher. A good education will enable her to buy a nice home, nice clothes, travel, etc. She will struggle to achieve this on a minimum wage.

Show her your household budget and let her realize how much you pay in electricity, gas, food, rent/mortgage, etc, and show her how much she will have left per month on a minimum wage.

ronshar · 14/01/2010 10:44

Perhaps you should sit down with DD and talk to her as an adult because ultimately if she leaves school that is what she will have to become.
Get a piece of paper and a pen and then write down all her expenditures, travel to work, rent, clothes, make-up, going out, lunch mney, coffee money. Then find a job ad in the paper of something your Dd would like to do when she leaves school in June. Get the month wages figure and compare it to her expenditures.

On the other side of the paper show her the weekly grant you get for attending 6th form and the fact that you wont be charging her rent. A weekend job money would be all hers.

An adult would see that going to 6th form makes financial sense. Going out to work does not.

Hope that helps a bit.

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 11:00

thanks ladies!! i will certainly sit down with her and go through all this. have previously told her about bills,rent etc....will show her the bills and income/outgoing too.

i know she has always wanted university....but its now its getting close to leaving that some of her friends are making the prospect of no study/ a wage look extremely attractive! so can sense she's wavering...

but good old mn...few points there i hadn't thought of.

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