to encourage DD15 to ....

[GypsyMoth]

do her degree with the Open University rather than actually go to a university?

she's about to do gcse's,then 6th form for A levels....then uni. BUT....she wants to be out there in the big world and earning to buy the designer stuff she loves.

i'm not sure,but i think she might be re considering further study,and might just decide to grab first job she can in order to get a wage!!

not sure what to do....sell her the OU as a compromise?or push her to go away to uni?

she wants to be a teacher....primary.

AIBU to promote OU?

You can also tell her it will be really hard to go back to study once she has left. One thing is that it will be very hard to let go of what little salary she has become accustomed to, and another thing is that it is really hard to get back into learning rythm once she has stopped.

I made the mistake of taking a few years out to work in the real world after I had finnished my masters. I was all set for a phd, had my field and my plan laid out for me with my tutor, and then thought "let me just take a year or two out to get some work experience". Never went back to uni. I deeply regret that now. I even declined a teaching position at the uni whilst doing my phd. Could kick my own bum about that now.

hmmmm, are you sure its not you who's wavering mum?? lol - i can fully understand taht, i mean, if she does OU, she can stay at home? Which of course makes sense financially and you get to keep her at home which is totally understandable.

If she goes away to uni, she will get far more support for her degree, time discussing with peers is so so important. Im sure i learnt more from my friends than from my tutors - lol, its not just the being at lectures its being able to ask questions when you need to. i would imagine with OU that would be very difficult.

Maybe she could take a year out? finish her A levels, work for ayear and then go back to uni - that would possibly be quite good for teaching because that year will give her maturity to settle into her studies. Also, by then, she will know if that is what she really wants to do.

Also, if she is wavering, lots do, it might actually be quite nice for her to have a break from studying and get out there and get some life experience. A few months serving beers or flipping burgers will end any wavering thoughts i can tell you

Tell her that if she is earning money then she will be cpntributing to the household - no point allowing her unrealsitic expectations of what life on a low wage is like.

cross posts with quint there, you put the other side of the coin over. My experience is a bit different, i did my degree as a mature student, then worked for a year with no intention of ever setting foot in a university again (all that hard work see!) and found myself doing a PhD which i turned down when i finished my degree. Also, i think post graduate study is very different from undergraduate as it is more self motivated, probably more akin to OU.

I know what you mean about getting out of the routine of study though, although i found uni completely, shockingly differeint to college.

Also, there is no reason why she can't supplement her income with a weekend job when she is at uni - most of my friends had to do this.

IF you don't need her to pay keep one of the lovely ideas I've seen on here is to charge her rent anyway (to let her know better what life is like on a low wage) but save it and present it to her as money for a car/deposit on flat/etc when she needs it.

She's not going to get through uni without a job anyway (unless you are fearsomely prosperous) so this should help her understand her value on the job market and also, the limited opportunities she might be opting for if she doesn't finish uni.

The OU (imho) doesn't exist for college leavers, who will get (and need) much more than an academic qualification by going away to university.

Nobody should be forced to go to uni and it may well be that your dd thrives on having a job and taking some sort of professional qualifications later on. But if she just wants to leave school to go and work for the money to buy alcopops and shiny stuff from Claire's Accessories than don't encourage her. At the very least, make sure she takes her A Levels (or equivalent) before leaving education behind her.

lucyellensmum.....mixed feelings about her leaving home,she's the eldest of 5. they come back frequently i'm told though....with washing in tow,so yes,will miss her,but i want her to do well...better than me. but as any mum,just want her safe and happy.

also (feel bit bad about admitting this) but kind of think she would be a good role model for her siblings.....already her sister is following her,wanting same grades,same plans for future....so hope a bit of this rubs off on the boys. god,that sounds so bad!

so,have ruled out open university,won't mention it or encourage it. that was main concern....as heard mixed things about their degrees.

I was working part time when I was studying. I was working two 2 hour shifts per week shelving in the library, and 2-3 nights per week in a pub.

Encourage her to have a gap year funded by herself. Once she's working and paying her own way (inc. paying you board), sit down with her and show her a projected budget for the future on the wage she is earning in her gap-year job (with small increases up to the maximum salary for that industry), as opposed to her potential earnings as a primary school teacher, from starting salary to maximum. Remind her that she will want to buy her own house one day and not worry about money all the time. Show her how much you pay for gas and electricity, insurance, groceries, etc.

I had NO IDEA about money when I was her age. I didn't really get it until I was a university student with my family living in another country and had to support myself. Even then, I survived on loans which I've only recently finished paying back simply because I had no idea what the real world was like.

She'll enjoy her gap year and maybe save enough to enjoy university when she gets there.

I think at that age if you're going to go to uni, then go to uni. OU is fine when you're older, have other commitments but are also more committed yourself. But much of the point of going to uni is being away from home, meeting new people etc. I would imagine it is very hard at that age to have the motivation to complete a degree without being with other people in the same boat.

I think she should either go, or not. As to that, it's a tricky one. If you have no desire for the subject itself there's little point. But on the other hand, as degrees get more common the more important it is to have one.

Trillanastra. Why should an adult, ie someone who is out at full time work, not contribute to the household bills?
I am not talking about market value rent but ensuring that a healthy and responsible attitude to money is developed.
We do our children no favours when we let them live at home for free. How will they ever cope when they want to move out? If they ever do. Why would they if they are given a cushy number at home??

Eh ronshar? I said that parents should charge rent from their children, whether they need it or not, for precisely those reasons. I just mentioned a nice thing that I'd seen other MNers do for their children by saving the money if they don't actually need it themselves.

Sorry my dear I thought I detected a bit of sarcasm (I cant even spell it, let alone see it correctly).

I am obviously just being a bit sensitive.
My mum did that for most of us when we slunk back home after failed romances, Uni etc!
Dad on the other hand, all to happy to take our cash

No-one seems to have asked - how clever is she? There is no point her aiming at uni if she doesn't have the ability for it IMO. First year classes at uni are full of people who really struggle, then drop out with debt and nothing to show for it apart from dented self-esteem, as well as slowing down the class for the people who should be there.

If she wants to teach primary school, she really should be volunteering now somewhere relevant. My sister worked at a day centre for kids with special needs as well as working at summer playschemes before even starting her course, and did a summer at a special needs summer camp the summer before she started uni. The primary teacher course is very intensive, she could only work at weekends as she had placements to think of and had to spend all evening planning lessons/writing essays. Loads of her peers failed the course due to a lack of basic skills as well, so you might want to encourage your daughter to check her maths, ICT and English are up to scratch.

I did OU at 18, and did really well in my first year, but then I think I lost my momentum.

Many parents fear that a school leaving 'child' will get a job, enjoy the money and then never go to university.

If they get a great career with great money without a degree, then it's not so important. If not, then university might start to appeal anyway!

I worked and then went to university in my mid 20s. I got a first class degree. I know enough people who went to university from school cos their parents shared your fear and then dropped out or got 3rds because it wasn't really what they wanted. I don't know any mature students who got less than a 2:1. As much as anything, when all the 18 year olds are complaining about writing essays, the older students are chuckling that they get to write a 3000 word essay and not go to work!

Stop worrying about it and support your DD in her decision (because, after all, that's what it is).

The OU is a fine idea because it combines work with flexible study, but then she needs to be committed to it.

Then again, she's only 15...

butterpie, makes a harsh, but fair point. I pushed and pushed my DD to do well at school and go on to uni - shes bright but SHE JUST DIDNT WANT TO DO IT!! I have to say that its one of the biggest regrets i have, i spent three years with a big stick trying to get her to perform at school and it didnt make one iota of difference, apart from marring our relationship.

DD did go to college at my insistance and did some sort of art diploma, dropped out in the second year - got first diploma though. What she did get though is experience as she got involved in the student union and worked in their office - she now has a part/full-time job in the cash office at hte local bingo hall - not very high flying, not particularly well paied - but she's HAPPY!

I disagree with what you say however about less bright students at university holding up the rest of the class - its just not like that, you are very much an individual learner and the emphasis on self motivation and directed learning - a tutor will stand up and gabble on for about an hour and give the bare bones of hte subject, it is then down the the individual to go away and fill in the gaps. So yes, the less bright ones do drop out, along with the lazy ones and the ones who only went because their parents made them go and the ones who realise that the subject isnt for them etc - but it doesnt have an affect on the rest of the group ime.

butterpie....she is clever enough,except with maths,which she needs. hoping this will pick up once in 6th form and more focused on her a level subjects. she realises this is her weak subject. teachers have said she should do well. (in other subjects)

she's looking for weekend work,nothing much about. she babysits,but we're in a village so its a case of lifts everywhere...or the one bus hourly. she cant volunteer in school as she is in her classes same hours,though she did work in a school for the work experience week,and she enjoyed that.

another little chat is in order i think. see how she really feels. i think she still wants uni,just friends swaying her a little right now. will support whatever she wants.

She really will need her maths ilovetiffany, she wont get into teacher training without it. Have you spoken to her teachers about the likely hood of her achieving a C grade? It will be possible for her to resit in the 6th form yes, but she will have enough on her plate with the A levels. Maths is a funny subject, it can very much depend on how it is taught - it might just be that she doesn't "get" the way her teacher shows her and it could be worth asking the school about extra lessons or getting a tutor to help her out?

Best of luck - you sound like a lovely lovely mum

I really REALLY worry about my english you know!! before mumsnet i could spell and construct a sentence. Now i say things like likely hood!

funnily enough its parent consultations tonight,will see how her grades are....an overall c so far for maths. she's aware she needs to up the maths,and she has done better this year.

history is her subject,she excells at that!

Sounds like she is on track then Well done her ! She might appreciate the help with the maths though - although my DD would have HATED it!! lol

My little contribution to this is that when I was 18 and everyone buggered off to uni I was extraordinarily jealous. Not everyone went of course - but when I went to stay with those that had I could really see the benefits. Not only did they get to learn about things they enjoyed, but they seemed to have sooo much time to spend just hanging around in cafes and pubs. Marvellous!

I'd left school at 15 and worked since. When they were all doing their A Levels it was OK because I had a small amount of cash to burn - but even then I wasn't that much better off than them because I had to pay rent to my mum, buy my own food and so on and they didn't. They also had part time jobs anyway and the cash they got from that was theirs to spend.

I went to uni a few years later and bloody loved it.