to be annoyed at ds's new teacher?

[jolufc]

My ds started full time school on Monday this week. Loved it Monday and Tuesday but scared to go this morning as he heard teacher tell another child that he would have to stop crying or she would chop him up. He said he'll
never ever cry, even if he hurts himself cos he'll get chopped up. I asked her about it and she said she would have a word with him. ds said, "it's ok she told me she was only joking." So she hasn't denied it but is this an appropriate joke for a class of 4/5 year olds?

Yep she was only joking, prob trying to make an upset child laugh.
Sorry your son was upset by this but you need to chill a bit.

I think this is a bit inappropriate to say to such young children tbh. I remember a particular teacher at school who would tell us she was going to feed us eyeball stew and stuff. I was a bit older and thought she maybe joking but I was still scared and it did stay with me for years.

The effect that it had on your DS shows that she should not have said it. Especially if he would be too afraid to cry about something. It doesn't matter if she was smiling when she said it. Children that age will take what you say literally.

I think thats awful! and would be absolutely livid.

we expect our children to trust and feel safe with their teacher and to be able to confide in them etc, and they say something like that to 4/5 yr olds, many of whom will not be able to process "jokes" and sarcasm etc

very unprofessional - how old is the teacher, out of interest??

The exact same thing happened to DS. He woke up one night saying his teacher was going to chop his fingers off. (You're not from Sheff are you??)
I thought he was either dreaming a bit or he'd misinterpreted a joke. We gave him sympathy though and I actually think it made him worse- he got really distressed when the dinner lady joked she'd eat all his dinner (she came and told me about this herself and said she wouldn't do it again but I don't want people to tread on eggshells). Then it was the PE teacher pretending to grab them in a game that he got upset about...
I didn't bring it up with the teachers at all because I believe you have to teach the child to deal with thigs themselves- you can't change the world around them.
I decided to use the opportunity to talk to him about jokes and explained lots of examples about jokes where people say things about hurting but don't mean it at all, like chopping off a leg when you fall over etc etc. I've also made sure I incorporate jokey things in my speech so he can get used to dealing with the feeling it gives him and know it's something he can manage and distingush between a joke and a real threat.

But she did explain to ops Ds that she was joking when told he was upset about it.

I supose there comes a time when children have to learn that things are not always ment literally. Just like every thing else, some will grap this easier and sooner than others.

I tell my 23th old DD that "when I catch her, I will eat her all up" I'm sure she does not feel in mortal danger when running away from me giggeling her head off
I'm sure ops Ds will get to grips with his teachers humor soon enough.

When I was teaching, if a little one had fallen in the playground but wasn't bleeding, just teary, I would say things like "Oh no, shall we chop it off?" or "quick, call an ambulance". It always made them smile (and I now say it to my own children) but on reading these comment I feel a bit

Great advice corriefan thanks. She is a young teacher, only been teaching a few years. However after reading littledawley ds never said why the other child was crying. Maybe he had hurt his foot and said she's chop it off not chop him up. I feel more comfortable with that!

Context is everything.

If she DID say that, I wouldn't be happy. Because starting school is a whole new experience - they don't know how things are done, or what to expect and children don't know what is the norm there for particular teachers - they will go in listening to everything intently and taking the teachers at their word.

My DS is in year 1 now and knows his teacher well, he would just laugh if she had made that comment, but on his first few days in Reception with a new teacher he would have been terrified I'm sure.

We used to sing oranges and lemons and chop each others heads off at nursery and whats the time mr. wolf and get eaten!. Maybe it was a bit of a silly joke but I wouldn't make to big a thing of it - it sounds as if she was trying to make him laugh?

My DD's reception teacher told me she doesn't even use phrases like "I've got eyes in the back of my head" because some of the DCs would be confused and take it literally.

We told DD she would get square eyes from watching too much TV and had to retract that one as well! "How will my eyes work if they are square Mummy?", she was pondering away at it. We have a kind of universal "It was a silly joke" meaning "drop it" which usually works, but we do try and avoid things that will upset her or get her trying to work them out.

My dad, bless him , told her "vultures eat dead people" and we have had some awful comments and discussions around that one, I am quite annoyed with him really. She doesn't see him very often, you'd think dead people could be kept out of the conversation. Some kids take words very seriously and you just have to be careful with them.

YANBU to think it's a bit off. Glad posters have advised ways to explain it to him.

You could say to the teacher in a light way "He was a bit upset that someone was going to have something chopped off the other day?" and hopefully she will get the message that, for your particular DS, this is frightening rather than funny. I wouldn't blame her or make a big thing out of it, how any teacher manages all the different needs and sensitivities of 25+ children that age is absolutely beyond me, but it is worth mentioning IMO.

my reception class believe that I own a pair of "knee scissors" none of them have ever been upset, although I always say it laughing and they always burst out in laughter too.

this has made me think though, honestly dont think i've made a child think i would cut their knee off but will watch their reacvtions more carefully in future ....

I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, but it was a bit of a silly thing to say as small children do take things literally sometimes.

My DS heard someone on the radio saying his wife was "spitting blood" (angry) and he thought it was literal. He was fine when I explained it to him. I suppose we forget that little ones don't always understand what we mean.

Jolu - my son would take what the teacher said literally and would be very upset/scared about it
So YANBU

I think YABU, I'm sorry that your DS was upset but I think that the teacher has dealt with that by talking to him.

This wouldn't bother me personally, I would be glad that the teacher had a sense of humour to be honest. However, we often joke like this as a family so I'm fairly certain it would just pass DD (3.7) by, especially as I regularly threaten to put her out for the dustbin men, send her to the sausage factory to be made into sausages for dinner, or chop her fingers off to feed to the birds which she finds highly hilarious. I think it is just a mismatch of humour.

I say this sort of thing all the time to my DC. If they hurt themselves I ask "Is it feeling better, or should I amputate?". I threaten to eviscerate them very regularly.

I teach secondary, and am equally wild in my responses with my students really. A boy told me today that he hadn't done his homework, so I told him he must die, and die horribly. He will bring it tomorrow in fact.

Written down that sounds pretty bad
Context really is everything....

TheFallenMadonna I loved my high school teachers who would threaten the most insane punishments. Strangely it was always the popular ones who had no need to punish us cause we liked them and mostly behaved.

DS's teacher tells them that she will eat them up. They all love it, sounds like the teacher in the OP just misjudged her audience, IME most kids lap this stuff up but obviously some kids are going to be a bit more sensitive, I think she handled it well telling him she was only joking.

no - inappropriate imo. You can't assume that kids this little will appreciate this as a joke or that they feel comfortable enough in school to trust that it is not serious. Silly thing for the teacher to say.

yabu. She made a joke, she explained it was a joke. No point picking over every little thing someone says.

I am a secondary teacher and say silly things like this a lot. Today I threatened to stamp on Yr 10 boys' toes, if they couldn't tell me the meaning of the word 'allegory'. I often tell them they can choose shooting, hanging, or homework etc.

I think it is about levels of understanding and recognition of the 'smile behind the words' etc. It would be a real shame if we had to guard every word for fear it couldn't be understood literally. However, for tines whose parents don't say silly things like this, I guess it could be a bit disconcerting.

So, I agree with Pointy that YABU but I do understand that for a young child, new to school, it might have been a bit of a shock.