to ignore ex SIL and not pander to her demands?

[Julezboo]

Ok brief history, DB split up with Ex SIL about 4 months ago. It's been hell for everyone involved. They are both very highly strung to be fair but SIL seems to take things to a stupidly high level.

DB is desperate to spend time with his DC's and although she often does let the DC's go to my brothers (who lives at my mums) its always along drawn out process. One e.g. DB got the bus an hour away to collect some of his things and see the DC's she wasn't there when he got there and despite her only being a ten/15 min walk away from home she refused to go home so he could get his things and see the kids.

He got home and the second he walked through the door she was on the phone asking him to go pick the kids up this happens quite often.

Now I'm 200 miles away and things are quite amicable between me and Ex SIL And she has allowed me and my mum to go pick the kids up when i've been there - but to get that far has been a battle. Xmas eve she changed her mind about DB having the kids for the second half of xmas day - 1am changed her mind again.

Now my poor brother's mental health has been deteriorating quickly, he has been suicidal at one point. Now he has met someone new (just like she did weeks after they split) and all hell has broke lose again. I am getting abusive emails and FB (i know bloody facebook) telling me I need to get all the pictures of her kids off facebook and anyone else who I know I need to tell them to take them off otherwise she's going to take us all to court.

Now baring in mind I use facebook to keep in touch with my family as we live so far away and we got married in July so atm there are ALOT of my close friends who have pictures of the wedding up. I have blocked her from seeing my photos. DB has no problem what so ever with the photo's being up there. My profile is very private so only my closest friends and family can see my photo's and quite frankly it would take me hours to go through all of my photo's on there and take them off. She never had a problem with it before and my mum said she's just trying to dictate to us all and ot ignore. I have ignored her so far but the messages keep coming!

I take a lot of photos and my brother isnt very technical but enjoys looking at them as he doesnt get to see his kids often. DH put photo's from xmas up but left the ones of her DC's off like she requested so we aren't just trying to be awkwrd.

I hate that I am being dragged into it now tbh!!

julez - does your DB have a court order yet for access? May have to go this way if not. I sympathise - DH experienced, and still does experience the same thing with his childrens' mother. The children are almost visibly shaking when a traffic jam causes them to be 2 minutes late home for the wrath that my DH incurs from their mother

lol, I am a child protection officer, you can use any imaginary with one parents consent, how do you think one parent families children are models, etc...

If the other parent is not around, does that mean that parent or family cannot show anybody the image via social networking, a imagery birth announcement card, any imagery at all.

Now stop talking nonsense.

Hiya Lunatic - how are you doing? My MC is still ongoing! Grr!

The point I was trying to make though, that whether I ignore or speak to her rationally my brother still gets abusive phone calls, suspect I would to if she had my newly changed numbers! So I can ignore all I want, like I did that last 20 odd messages she sent me yesterday but this morning I was trying to reasonably and politely explain that I wouldnt let her kids come to no danger!

littlemoominmamma - I have to say again - NO parental or other consent is required for non-commercial use, (which a personal facebook page would count as) of an image you own the copyright to. And you own the copyright if you took the picture.

For commercial use, consent is required, and if under 16(18?) this would be a parents consent, but only one would be required, as with parental consent for medical procedures etc.

You have no legal right to control how pictures of you or your children are used in a non-commercial context.

I CAN legally take pictures of your children and put them on Facebook. Whether I woudl be right to do so if you don't approve is another matter.

Julz - I am reading what you are writing but it keeps changing! - You said " when she told US at Christmas We havent put any pictures of her DC's up. I'm annoyed because she is dragging us ALL into her arguments. I havent put any more up since Christmas, my mum said to ignore her" You insinuated that you have know about this since Christmas and it involved all the family.

Now you are saying that you have only just asked your mum and family and it seems you are now the only one affected! (does your mum have a face book account with hundreds of photos on too?)

By the way at the beginning it was 40 albums with sixty photos - now it is hundreds of photos???

Its no wonder I'm getting confused!

oojimaflip - I love your name! And thanks. I did have permission when the photos went up originally.

I haven't put any new photos of her DC up since our wedding back in July, even then she was one of the ones nagging me to put the bloody photo's up!

DH put christmas ones up because as we where the only ones taking photos, all the family was together which is rare and wanted to see the pictures. BUT we left the ones of their DC's out as she requested.

40 album with 60+ photos in each album = well over 2000 photo's

She asked us at christmas to not put any photos up of their DC - we havent - that hasnt changed.

This is only a recent thing asking us to delete the ones previously put up.

I don't see that the OP should delete pics of her nephews and nieces from her computer etc. if the mother of these children still has their pics online herself. The mother is obviously not trying to protect them from internet perverts, she is trying to upset the OP.

The OP is still these DCn's aunt, she has a right to keep the photos of her relatives that she already has AND she has made them private so others cannot see them - can't see why some people are still banging on about it.

Quick consent case - DS1 has photo taken by newspaper for school - Mother asked to sign consent form refuses to give her consent. Father (seperated) hears about it and phones school to give consent. Consent is still not granted legally and if photo is then printed mum will be well within her rights to sue.

but she has revoked that permission. she is entitled to do this.

but thats commercial use is it not?

thank you thumbwitch

Since she's unlikely to actually going to come round to your house and check your computer AND apparently your computer is broken anyway, I would stop getting so wound up by these requests to delete all photos from your life. She won't know either way so just let it go.

oooji - the consent law also covers medical consent - where if one parent refuses to switch off a life support machine it cannot be ignored and consent just sought by the other parent IYKWIM (just as an example)

Just because it is not legally wrong to take photos of other peoples children and put them on facebook. It does not make it morally right.

You've hidden the FB albums, she can't see what's stored on your PC so just ignore. She can contact people who took photos at your wedding if she's so up in arms about it (unless you'd rather talk to them). Maybe ask them to email you copies of the wedding photos then you've got them for posterity.

If your DB is on FB then he could put them in an album as he's the parent.

Presumably your online wedding photo album is password protected - I guess it's one the photographer provided to showcase his shots. Could you change the password to give her piece of mind? Is there an end date when the online photos are no-longer available to view?

I'd comply as far as reasonably possible but personally I wouldn't contact all my friends, I'd leave that to her. Good luck

Julez - have skimmed through this thread but most of it is about the facebook pictures isn't it. I wonder how much that really is the problem. It seems to me that the real problem lies in the fact that your DB has a new relationship because this is when all this trouble seems to have started.

I think many separated women get hurt/upset/angry/irrational when the ex gets a new partner and as someone said, maybe your SIL is just hitting out because of the way she is feeling. You say it is only you she it getting out - does she somehow tie you up with your DB's new r.ship - she may have the wrong end of the stick here. My friend's daughter is going through a similar thing just now and even though she has no interest in her ex (my friend's son) she has gone totally ballistic since he got a new girlfriend and is denying my friend contact with the g/children etc.

I wonder if your brother needs to get contact with his children put on a better footing than at present, especially as the SIL sounds like the dominant partner. He should really be trying initially to work things out with his ex and they should be going to mediation to try to sort out the contact arrangements. Going to court to get this sorted should be a last option as this is stressful and time consuming.

You sound like a very level headed and fair minded person. Can you possibly make a decision to put this matter with your SIL on hold and maybe leave the door open for a possible r/ship (at least with the children) when some of her more irrational feelings have subsided, as they are likely to do over time.

It just seems the thread is being taken over with this argument over consent (or not) andI'm not sure the law is as definitive on this issue as some posters seem to think but I could be wrong.

Thank you Nananina. I have no idea why she has aimed it at me tbh. I don't know the girl my DB has met, she lives on my mums street, I am 200 miles away.

The thing is with my brother he's not very "grown up" is probably the best way I can explain, so I have told him and my parents have that he needs to see a solicitor and get a contact order in place - she gets wind of it and things calm down for a few days and then he is too scared to upset the apple cart iykwm?

Up until this week his job has taken him away weeks at a time (he's a builder of some sort!) its only recently all his jobs have been cancelled due to the bad weather so he just tries his best to keep the peace so she will allow him access to their kids.

It is a sad situation, the poor kids used to scream if any of us other than SIL and DB had them for a minute or longer now they are begging my mum to take them home when she sees them