for being upset and what my brother just wrote on facebook

[RnB]

I'm from a big family, the youngest of 7, and I have 11 lovely nieces and nephews. Generally in our family you tell one person a piece of news and within a few days everyone knows.

Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant with DC3 I told my mum and two of my sisters who I'm particularly close to. It was a very stressful time as one of my brothers was seriously ill in Intensive Care (thankfully he pulled through), and I was concerned about the pregnacy due to a previous MMC.

So I was travelling up to see Bro no3 in hospital in London all the time, really worried about him, looking after my boys, working, worrying about the baby etc etc.

On one visit to see ill Bro no3 I told him I was pregnant (he was very pleased for us), and I had a phone conversation with Bro no2 (to let him know how Bro no 3 was) and I told him about the baby then (again, nice repsonses all round).

(sorry bear with me...)

Anyway on one trip up to the hospital to see poorly brother, my sister mentioned how excited she was about my new baby to Bro no1 and he said 'I heard about that from mum. But RnB didn't tell me' and he was a bit funny about it. Sister says 'Oh well, you know what it's like, we just all tell each other and she's stressed about Bro3 etc'

Bro 1 and I aren't particularly close. He left home when I was 5 and although we love each other very much we never call or email or anything. But I always make sure I go and visit him and his family when I'm down their way to see my mum.

I eventually saw Bro1 at Christmas, by this point I'm 18 weeks pg. I chat away to him about stuff, incl the pg but at no point did he acknowledge the baby himself. Nor to DP. I thought this was a bit odd, but as he's a bloke didn't think about it again.

Anyway this morning I posted on FB that my baby had me awake at 4am dancing on my bladder, and a series a lighthearted comments from friends followed. Then my bro1 comments:

'Considering I know nothing about this 'baby' I have no idea what you're talking about'

This has really upset me and I've been on tears over it.

It just seems like a really unpleasant thing to say.

I was never personally informed when his wife got pregnant with her girls - I heard through other siblings! I don't remember personally calling him about my other DCs either - he would have found out through others. Why is he making a fuss about this one?

gosh, sorry that's long!

Maybe he is hurt?

I'd comment back 'I mean the baby in my tummy. Not the one you're behaving like'

Sorry - forgot to add a .

He is being a child, ignore him he is not worth the energy.

I think you should have told him. Siblings shouldn't have to find out about each others pregnancies through a 3rd party unless you don't get on in which case why have him as a facebook friend and why get so upset about his response?
You either care about him or you don't.
My brother told my sister and I about his wife's pregnancies on the same day and I did the same to my sibs.
I'd have been upset if they'd found out through each other.
Either properly distance yourself from this brother if you don't like him or treat him the same as your other siblings.
Middle ways don't work in this sort of situation.
His response was petty, but so was you not giving him a quick phone call or telling him when you saw him at Christmas.

Sounds like he is throwing his toys out. Personally I would just ignore the message or else send him an email (not in open facebook) saying that you are sorry that he is upset - as you said above, you didnt get round to telling him for any of the others, or him for his kids. You did not realise ti was a problem and apologise. Then forget about it. Probably worth a bit of humble pie instead of an arguement.

I think he is unreasonable to post on facebook and very immature. But that aside, you want to sort this out with him so it is not an issue - could drive a wedge otherwise

What a wierd guy.

Type what Iklboo said.

Try not to dwell on it.

i would say he's hurt he didnt hear it from you. but imo hes being silly. i would wave it off with a reply that said 'i thought i told you a christmas' or a 'oh didnt i tell you, sorry, i've got baby brain. I'M PREGNANT!!!' just make light of it, if hes that upset about it he need to talk to you properly, please dont get too upset about it

He's being childish.

Try not to get upset about it, not easy when you are PG and full of hormones

2rebecca i can see what your saying, but my family is very much like RnB's we tell one or two people and they tell the rest, its not because we dont care its just the way we do things.

diffrent families do things diffrent ways, it doesnt mean one is wrong and one is right.

Don't get onto a FB/text/email conversation about this - call him and talk. I speak from experience.

If I told other members of the family about a siblings pregnancy that would be seen as telling people her news and wouldn't go down well with the sibling concerned. Generally we don't gossip about each others news for that reason.
If this brother felt it was normal for other siblings to tell each other other siblings important news then I wouldn't expect him to be so upset.
If all other sibs were told first time and he just got grapevine news then he probably feels a bit rejected and as though RnB doen't like him as much as those she bothered to tell.
Yes it's childish but sibling rivalry is.
I don't see why RnB didn't tell him at Christmas or phone him after 12 week scan and do all sibs at once.
Yes 1 sib was ill but phoning 7 houses plus parents doesn't take that long.

RnB did tell him at Christmas:

'I chat away to him about stuff, incl the pg'

he may be your bro , but hes a twat ..

Thanks so much to you all for all of your responses.

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks what he said was childish and unnecessary. I'm actually surprised by upset I have been by this (hormones I'm sure)

It makes me really sad that he is hurt by this, obviously this is the last thing I wanted/expected.

2Rebecca the last thing I want to do is distance myself from him, we may not be massively close but I obviously love him very much. I suppose I'm shocked because our family is generally pretty relaxed about things, and as I mentioned, he didn't feel the need to inform me when his wife got pregnant. As ^addictedtmn* says, al families are different I suppose.

I knew that he had been told about the baby (when I was around 6 weeks I think), so it's not like he founds out weeks/months after everyone else.

I will call him (not looking forward to this, but it's better than an infantile exchange on Facebook.

You told him at Christmas?
How long after telling your Mum was this?

Sounds as if he´s a bit "miffed" that he wasn´t one of the first to be told.

Perhaps that often happens& he feels left out?

Does sound a bit of a sensitive flower though!

Why are people who are accusing the brother of being childish recommending the OP responds with an equally childish message of her own?
either he's joking and you've gotten the wrong end of the stick in which case it's just a misunderstanding.
or he's serious in which case I'd follow the posters advice of treating it light-heartedly with a "oh god I thought I told you ages ago..." Because in fairness as it stands you told a fair few family members early on but with him you just dropped it into conversation four or so months into the pregnancy when you happened to see him.

'I thought I told you at christmas? Maybe you have baby brain! Lol'

It was childish and nasty to put "baby" as if it's imaginary! But not worth making a big fuss over. Maybe he genuinely did forget. I have forgotten massive important things that people have told me before

I didn't directly announce it to him at Christmas like 'Bro1 i have something to tell you...'

It was more like we were chatting and I was talking about when the baby comes etc, or my morning sickness blah blah, and he was chatting to me about his stuff.

I didn't feel the need to make a big announcement to him as he'd been told 3 months before.

He is obviously upset that I didn't make a call to him when I first found out, which I still don't really understand for the reasons already mentioned. Surely when he found out he should have at least sent me a text congratulating me?

RnB could it be a possibility that he actually didnt find out untill christmas when you were talking about morning sickness etc? could it be that the person who said they had told him 3 months earlier got confused and told someone else rather than him, and just remembers it as him iyswim. because then i could understand his being upset

ohn sweetie, typical sort of childish pompous crap my bro would post, ignore him, you have enough on your plate anyway.

FACEBOOK IS SHIT

YAB a little U if you've chosen to tell some of your siblings but not all. So phone your brother up. Say you are sorry if he felt missed out by not being told directly about your pregnancy but his FB message is really upsetting you. Result should be clearer air all round.