To want to give my as yet unthought of DC5 (who will be a boy) the same name as his just born cousin?

[duchesse]

Before you all jump on me at once and tell me IABU (I know I am) you should know these things:
a) The name is Theodore, which was pipped to the post for our DS 16 years ago and has been on the very very short list (of 1, for the boys' names) for every child since then, except they've all been girls
b) DD3 will essentially be an only after a 12 year gap unless we seriously get our skates on (I'm practically 42)
c) my sister has always known that Theodore was on our short list for all our babies
d) She has not asked me if we plan on having another
e) we love the name so much that we were mooting called DD3 Theodora but decided not to in case we have another boy

Actually I feel like changing her name right bloody now and then telling my sister that we've called her Theodora before they can register theirs.

Would it look odd in family photos do you think: Theodore and Theodora, born 4 months apart?

you sound abit crazy, its a name you dont bloody own it.

If you have another DC then call it what you like

That would be Theodore then. I know I'm being unreasonable, I just if there was anything redeeming about my reaction.

Are you actually pregnant with a boy? Sorry, that's not clear.

Nope, just had DD3 4 months ago. But am seriously considering having another so she's not alone in 6 years' time.

Hehe...YANBU, obviously, but you also have my sympathy

I think you need to let go (a little) and just be pleased for your sister, and repeat what a wonderful name it is and how you always wanted to use it. Should you then go ahead with dc5, and it turns out to be a boy, then deal with it then....I suspect your sister may have 'ishoos' with you using the same name but that's a bridge to cross sometime down the line

For now, enjoy your nephew and swallow your irritation. Probably not worth a falling out with your (no doubt) v hormonal sister at this point in time.

I see.

You daft thing! you are being unreasonable and you know it!

1 -you don't own a name
2 - you're not even pregnant
3 - even if you do become pregnant again, it might not be a boy!
4 - you don't own a name

This one comes under the heading Tough Titty.

How about Theophilus instead?

YABU. I don't think you should give your child the name of such a close relative, they're almost brothers. Your sister named him first, doesn't matter that you wanted it first.

Um, you have a boy. You had a chance to use it if it meant that much to you

OK, I know I should leave this now, but a thought just occurred to me....

Is this your sister's first ds? If so, then (to be fair) you did choose not to use the name for your ds 16 years ago, so you obviously had another name you liked even more. If she liked it enough to use it for her first, then maybe she likes it even more than you?

Ahem...x post with GAL

Your sister got there before you did. You have a son with your favourite name. You have a new baby nephew with your second favourite name. Where's the problem?

I know how you feel, dn born 5 mo before my dd has the name I REALLY WANTED for dd. And SIL doesnt even like it that much but what can you do, i just have to love dn more as she has a lovely name

Oh it's unreasonable sure, but understandable.

I have one dd. I am never having another child.

If my brother had another girl and called her Josephine, I would go out and get lots of animals and name them all Josephine, I would call my car Josephine, feck it, I would change dh's name to Josephine.

The name belongs to me. Doesn't matter that I will never use it. It's mine I tell you.

Now who's unreasonable?

Haha what a dilemma. Our boy name for DD2 was Theodore. I mentioned it to my friend who is having a boy this month and she chose it for hers
Before my brother's DW had their DS2, I said how much I liked the name Alexander and how it was on my short shortlist for future babies. Guess what my DN is called!

No, it's her fourth child, and second son (she did things more neatly than me). First son is Zachary (which I would never have wanted to use).

I suppose I'm also still slightly smarting from the fact that it took 6 years to get pregnant with a keeper, and that minutes after I told everyone that I was pregnant back in January, my oldest sister got pregnant (hers was born in November) and minutes after that my third sister got pregnant by accident and just had hers on Friday.

When our first son was born, we were convinced until he was born that we would call him Theodore, but he just didn't look like a Theodore iyswim, and we called him Benedict instead.

SoH- Josephine is DD1's middle name and she hates it! I wish you could enthuse her with it a little.

YABU but I will let you off because I also had a baby 4 months ago and am also a bit loopy!

Now looking at Theodore the Guinea Pig, Theodore the Cockerel and thinking of going down to the dog pound as well...

more like slightly mad!

Not only are you not pregnant with a boy, you are not pregnant at all.

Benedict didn't look like a Theo. You could, by that rule, go on to have many more sons who 'don't look like Theo' and therefore your question and love of the name is a moot point.

Perhaps a more positive way of looking at this would be 'how lovely, lots of first cousins the same age to play with, which will make up for the 6 year age gap between siblings at home'?

Not sure about resenting sibling's pregnancies, just because yours was so hard to come by; are you more annoyed they got pregnant so 'easily' or that they stole your metaphorical thunder by being pregnant at the same time?

FWIW my (only) sister is 5.5 years younger than me and not getting married until next December. I'm pg with #3 and absolutely gutted that there will probably be at least a 2 year age gap between my youngest and her eldest, even if she does manage to conceive when she wants to. If, by some unlikely chance, we were to be pregnant at the same time in the future we would both be totally over the moon to be able to share the experience....neither of us would be cross about the other conceiving in a similar timeframe.

duchesse, your dd1 is unreasonable too. You need to change her first name to Josephine too and add an extra middle name, also Josephine. She may keep her surname for now.

I'm sure you're very, very pleased for your sisters too? It is hard when people fall pregnant easily (seemingly) when it has been difficult for you.

I had a traumatic delivery with my dd and when I hear of other more straightforward births I feel a sharp dart of bitterness and . It's dwarfed by the pleasure and happiness, but there nonetheless. It's my failing and I'm working on it but if I'm honest, it's there.

YABU to feel you have any exclusivity rights on a name. And tbh it wouldn't be the end of the world if your (theoretical) ds shared a name with his cousin.

I don't really understand "seriously considering having another so she's not alone in 6 years' time" though. She isn't alone!

filly- it is brilliant that the cousins are so close together in age, but unfortunately we all live in different countries. I only see my youngest sister about once every two or three years...

I am pleased of course that my sisters have had minimal problems (apart from the fact that we've all three had caesarians for these babies), but I just think that everyone apart from me has forgotten too quickly the 6 years of miscarriage and sadness that went before my daughter's birth.

SoH- I'm on it. I'll tell her when she gets home from school. She'll have to change her fb name and tell all her friends, but that shouldn't be a problem for a 14 yr old, should it?