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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or just thinking too much into this?

38 replies

DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:02

Background info first,DH is the eldest & he has a younger ds who PIL's think the sun shines out of,especially her 2 dd's to the expense on our ds.

Anyway,you get the jist,so every yr we buy them Christmas presents & you think i would learn by now as every yr fil asks us for the reciept for dn's gifts cos they dont like them.

I always get them really good presents,i think about them & they are in the region of about £35ish.

So this Christmas sil had bought our ds a gift that we had already got him,no problems we thought,we wont bother asking for the receipt to swap it.

FIL came yesterday & asked us for the receipt for the dn's gifts & i said i dont know where they are i will look for them.

You would think i would learn by now & just get them a voucher but i like lo's to have a gift to open on Christmas Day to play with.

Anyway i know the gifts i bought are now 1/2 price so i am tempted to say i cant find the receipt so then if she wants to change them she will only get 1/2 the money back.

Oh & MIL was the one who gave me a few hints as to what to buy them so i know what we bought wasn't duplicated.

I know i am being petty but its so annoying,next yr they are getting vouchers.

AIBU?

I know i am tbh but i want to be childish about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:03

That would be DH has a younger dsister.

OP posts:
Alambil · 11/01/2010 11:06

no, not unreasonable - that's just rude imo unless they are genuinely unsuitable

I had to change one of DS's presents as he already had the toy, but the person who gave it gave a lot of thought to it and although it was slightly less than his age-range suitable (does that make sense) I replaced it with something along the same lines because of her spirit of giving it... and I felt awful!

Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:08

Thats what i think LewisFan, i really thought long & hard about the gifts & i am not joking but every single yr they do this.

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 11/01/2010 11:08

They sound just plain rude IMO. Vouchers next time sounds like a good plan. How old are the children in question?

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 11/01/2010 11:08

I wouldn't bother buying next year and what business is it of your FIL?

Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:09

They are 4 & 2. But they used to do this with gifts that we had bought for sil also.

And before we had our dcs if we had spent less than £50 on sil then PILs had mouths like cats bums.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:11

Fab, he is seriously strange,he practically manhandles the dn's to him & is involved in all aspects of their lives.

Our ds is nearly 4 & he has never pushed him on a swing & had only pushed him in his pram once.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 11/01/2010 11:11

You are not the petty one. They are!
How rude to ask for the receipt!

I would say 'i havn't kept it because i know my friends and family would't go so low to ask for receipts'

BigBadMummy · 11/01/2010 11:11

How rude!!!!

I think you should do exactly as you suggest.

Ungrateful sods.

Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:13

Thankyou,i was a bit scarde to post as i thought i would be flamed but i feel a lot better now.

Just off to collect ds from pre-school.

OP posts:
Casserole · 11/01/2010 11:21

I would be tempted to say something along the lines of "I've noticed that you haven't wanted several of the presents I've bought the girls in recent years. It's such a shame as I would really like to buy them things that they like and will play with. Perhaps next year you could give me some present suggestions so that we don't have this situation again".

It points out their rudeness without being too controversial IYSWIM... and also says you want a stop to it!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/01/2010 11:30

Not at all unreasonable. My dd got a peppapig colouring in set from her aunt. She is nearly 9 and truly didn't know who peppapig is - she's too cool for cbeebies now.

katechristie · 11/01/2010 11:35

well, I am a present swaper-er here, so , but I only swap if the DCs have it already (in which place I blatantly fib when the giver is in our house and get the same toy out to show how much they enjoy it) or if it's something I know they def won't play with, then I'd swap if there's no chance of the giver actually coming to our house and expecting to see the item. But I only ever swap in secret, after the DCs have written thank you I love your gift notes, and I don't let the person know it's been swapped. I do think your ILs are being VU and a bit odd really. I must admit I'd be loathe to give vouchers, in your position, as that's almost giving into them. Can't you just ring them up before brithdays/Christmas and say I just want to check what do you want me to buy the DCs as I want to get it right this time so you don't have to swap it again?

CirrhosisByTheSea · 11/01/2010 11:36

Oh my goodness, that's rude. I can't believe they do that!

I tell you what, I was so proud of my DS this year, his nan and grandad bought him a toy he already has, and he didn't let on, he simply thanked them for it. He's 7.

He had oodles of toys for christmas, and one duplicate did not hurt him, in fact it was a good thing because he was really proud of himself that we'd noticed and were so pleased with him. That feeling was worth more to him than one more piece of plastic! Your ILs have got their values all wrong imo and it won't be doing the children any favours. imho.

Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 11:48

Thankyou everyone,i feel somewhat vindicated now.

If i were to ask them what we should buy then i know for a fact they will take the proverbial & ask for a gift way more expensive than we would want to pay.

I like Casseroles suggestion,i think i will say that in the future.

OP posts:
katechristie · 11/01/2010 11:53

well you could always be blatant and say "shall we suggest a budget for our DCs so we know we'll spend the same amount - I'd hate to spend less than you spend on mine" - or be ready with a list of suggestions for her with different price ranges so you can match what she expects you to spend - and only choose stuff from e.g. ELC so she can't try and cheat. (ahh, sorry, I'm back on my own wiley ways now!)

ChilloSTOPFOLLOWINGMEhippi · 11/01/2010 11:54

I think it's very rude of them to ask for the receipt. How ungrateful. Casserole's idea is a good one. I think you should definitely say something.

AMumInScotland · 11/01/2010 11:55

It's very rude of them, but if that's what they're like then you're sort of stuck with it.

I would either switch to vouchers, or vouchers and a much smaller gift to open, or else continue to buy them gifts but make sure I have a receipt for each and hand over an envelope with the receipts in at the same time to save the hassle!

Casserole · 11/01/2010 12:09

Doingthebest - that's fine, if they suggest you buy the girls something expensive you just say "Oh yes, that sounds GREAT, just what I was thinking of, I'll pop out and get it this afternoon. Would you mind buying my DS a Wii*. So glad we had this conversation. Byeeeeee!!!"

Then, of course, what they wanted was conveniently out of stock at your local branch of Overpriced Tat for Spoiled Brats

  • even if your DS is 6 months old, please do it!!
Pheebe · 11/01/2010 12:10

One question rises above everything else - what the hell business is it of FILs what you buy YOUR neices and why is HE asking for the recipts and not your SIL???

Anyway, apart from that slight weirdness I would veer away from trying to buy them a toy at all any more. We set a budget for each neice/nephew and fill a box of treats for them - sweets, art materials, a book, hair bands, play jewellery, stickers. Just bits n bobs really. All useful stuff (no plastic tat for the sake of it). I also try and make them something each too. They LOVE these boxes far more than the 'toys' the used to get and still do from other family members.

FimbleHobbs · 11/01/2010 12:15

They are being very rude. I do swap/return unwanted or duplicated presents (seems a waste otherwise) but I do it tactfully and never involve the present-giver.

Next year phone up and ask for their arm and chest measurements as you will be knitting jumpers for all the family.

thumbwitch · 11/01/2010 12:17

bloody rude IMO; and cowardly to send FIL for the receipts and nor come herself.

Don't buy anything for them in future - either give GVs or a cheque for their bank account - that's what I did for my nieces when they were small, because my sis always got so much stuff for them there seemed to be no point in adding to it! Now they are bigger I mostly get them something to open though.

I have been given presents for DS that he has either already got, or has something very similar - I have never asked for the receipt, even when it's been offered. In some cases I have "passed the present on" to another child when appropriate. I wouldn't dream of asking for the receipt, too ill-mannered.

Original poster
DoingTheBestICan · 11/01/2010 12:27

Ha Ha love FimbleHobbs idea of me knitting everyone a jumper

Well i am not giving him the receipt & i am not even going to look for it,let her take them back & get 1/2 the price for them,in fact she had better be quick cos they are from Boots & they will be 75% off soon.

Next yr i am going to get them vouchers & a selection box to open & if they dont like it then tough!

OP posts:
claw3 · 11/01/2010 12:37

Perhaps they have far too many toys and they want the receipt for money back?

Sending FIL to ask is , dont know why they havent spoken to you about it. Why dont you speak to your SIL to find out what the problem is?

Irons · 11/01/2010 12:44

I would be so offended if it were me. They sound bloody ungrateful!

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