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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Memorial in London

33 replies

Jux · 08/01/2010 14:29

So it's forecast for lots of heavy snow all over the south of England over the weekend.

We live in Devon. I have to be in London on Sunday evening for my brother's memorial gig on Sunday evening.

DH and I were going to drive down on Sunday, stay in a hotel and drive back on Monday. It is major roads all the way.

DH has a bit of a cold and is feeling a bit shitty today.

DH is now saying he won't drive down. He won't go on the train either.

I am pissed off. This is a very big thing to me. I have not really asked him for any support over this whole ghastly time.

AIBU? I am too upset to tell.

OP posts:
claw3 · 08/01/2010 14:34

Would you be able to travel to London earlier and leave later than Monday if the snow caused a big problem?

littleducks · 08/01/2010 14:37

I don't know the back story but i think the roads will prob be bad. The motorways have been ok (though i hope no one needs to use the hard shoulder as these have been left uncleared). Tbh i wouldn't want to do the drive.

I'm not sure about the trians, i think they are much less dangerous but they could be delays. How important is it for you to be back on Mon? Could you cope with delays, as snow is due on Sun.

Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 14:38

We could go tomorrow, but he's refusing to drive anywhere and making up obstacles.

I can go without him - catch the train tomorrow. I just wanted to be at the gig with him. It's going to be very emotional. I'd like my husband to be there. He says he's not coming. He says he wants to, but the roads are too risky, and he won't get the train.

OP posts:
littleducks · 08/01/2010 14:38

Oh and i think you need to (calmly) tell him how important it is to you. Don't assume he knows (though i agree he should)

Pikelit · 08/01/2010 14:39

If possible, I would go now. I don't know what the trains will be like but personally, I'd opt for them rather than driving. If your DH won't come with you then go alone.

Pikelit · 08/01/2010 14:40

Just out of interest, why won't your DH take the train?

claw3 · 08/01/2010 14:40

Why wont he get the train?

Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 14:41

We could be delayed, it would be a pain, but we've already arranged for dd to be looked after by friends, who would be taking her into school on Monday. If we were delayed they would continue to look after her (and we would owe them a huge favour), so yes, if we couldn't get back on Monday it would be a nuisance but not a really big problem iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 14:44

He just won't. I think it's because he's a twat, tbh. It's a kind of snob thing. He thinks as he has a car he shouldn't have to use anything else.

OP posts:
claw3 · 08/01/2010 14:45

As someone already said, explain how important it is to you that he is there for you. If that doesnt work, i dont know what else to suggest.

Pikelit · 08/01/2010 14:48

So he'd rather abandon this car somewhere on a motorway in Southern England than sit, scornfully gazing at the lumpen proletariat other passengers on a train? A train that is much more likely to get you to London in time for this incredibly important memorial.

wildfig · 08/01/2010 14:53

YANBU. For something that's obviously so important to you he should be willing to walk there, if necessary. I can totally understand and support his reluctance to drive - probably the safest decision - but his refusal to take the train is just bizarre. HIBU, unless he can produce a certificate to say he was traumatised by Jimmy Saville on an Intercity as a child, or similar.

Hope you have an amazing time at the gig, though.

claw3 · 08/01/2010 14:54

I prefer to travel by car (totally different reasons though). His reason is is ridiculous, you are not asking him to make a trivial trip by train, this is something that is extremely important to you.

Hope he decides to go with you.

Rindercella · 08/01/2010 14:57

YANBU. This is something that is obviously - and very understandably - important to you. You obviously - and understandably - feel you need your DH there. Tell him to stop being an idiot and get on a train.

I hope everything goes well for you.

FimbleHobbs · 08/01/2010 15:10

YANBU. I really feel for you. I would spell out to him how important HIM being there is to you - so hes knows its not just the event that is important to you, its his presence there too.

I hope your DH pulls his head out of his arse.

My condolences for you for your brother.

SnowballProofMum · 08/01/2010 15:14

YANBU - for all the reasons above. It is important to you and it is possible for you you both to be there.

It will be a difficult time for you and it is your husbands role to be there to support you. This is not the kind of thing you will forgive him for missing.

MadameDefarge · 08/01/2010 15:17

Jux, darling, are you Mark's sister????

MadameDefarge · 08/01/2010 15:49

Sorry Jux, didn't mean to be intrusive. Ignore me.

ginnybag · 08/01/2010 15:59

If it's won't take the train, not can't, of course he's being unreasonable.

I hope he bucks his ideas up - what the heck is marriage for, if not to provide support under circumstances like this, unless you absolutely can't.

Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 16:15

No, my bro's not Mark. Sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 16:21

Now I'm not sure I even want him to be there!

If he turns up on Sunday, having driven down, then I'll feel guilty that he's had to drive down when he didn't want to. If he gets the train with me it'll be worse, because he'll not only be coming down when he clearly doesn't want to, but he'll be ON THE TRAIN!!!! I'll have to take a photo!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 16:23

Thank you everyone. Glad I'm not being unreasonable. I am prone to a bit of unreason every so often atm (normally, of course, I'm perfect!)

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 08/01/2010 16:26

I am so sorry for your loss Jux. and no YANBU

they say "pick your battles"- is this worth fighing over? only you can determine this, but given you are so upset already, and a massive fight with DH wont help, can you sod him and go on your own ?

Original poster
Jux · 08/01/2010 18:29

Not worth fighting over now, but like Marge Simpson I am a woman and can hold onto my anger forever

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 08/01/2010 18:41

Just him to sod off and get the train. Whereabouts in London is it? The West End has no snow, the 'burbs have loads. Main roads are clear.