pictures of sb child on facebook? yes/no

[stuckindoors]

er, not sure about how I feel about this and wondered what the general opinion was.

Friend had stillborn child at 36 weeks and has since gone on to have a dd 5months.
In recent months she has joined practically every memorial and sb facebook group, including 'dead baby club'.

Today she has posted photos of the ds on her profile.

Is this in bad taste, or not?....

I am mother to ds 20mths and preg 38 weeks and am trying hard NOT to think about sb's.

I think she can only do whatever makes her feel better regardless of whether others think it in "bad taste". She is obviously struggling right now.

I think if you haven´t been through it it´s hard to have an opinion.
Sounds morbid to me, but she would have gone through labour knowing the baby wouldn´t be alive.
I don´t think you could ever get over that so anything that helps, I guess.

YABU.

That little baby is your friend's son. She obviously wants to share her son with everyone, please don't expect her not to.

i agree with you.

She does struggle at times and is dealing with it the best way she can.
everyone tries to support her as best they can.

Bad taste? To share the pictures she no doubt treasures of her baby with her friends and family?

I don't think it's bad taste! Not sure how you can describe anyone's grief as bad taste

I can understand why you feel uncomfortable but perhaps this is just another way for your friend to cope with her loss.
My sister had a mc and had pics of the baby which she showed me. Made me feel horrendous but she needed someone to talk to and that had to come before my own feelings.

Please give a thought for this grieving mum who lost her precious baby.

YABU. The poor woman, what an awful thing to go through.

I don;t think its up to anyone apart from her to decide what is in bad taste in this instance.

I know that famous mother had photos of her first child who died shortly afetr birth and shared them with friends. One of her firedns thought it was horrible and wasted no time in telling me how distasteful it was. I was shocked of her reaction.

Her child existed and was real and she probably wants to acknowledge that. (amateur psychologist hat on!)

Its the battle between wanting to help her as best as possible and yet being so scared as well of the same thing I suppose.

Of course, if it helps her it si not in bad taste, just don;t know how I feel about it, thats all

((please don't roast me mumsnetters))

YABU. Her son was real and she is greaving. Tell her how beautiful he was.

yabu.i would feel uncomfortable but its her baby,her precious pictures.

i dont think its bad taste.its personal.ive never been through that so dont know if id do it or not.but your friend has and she needs support.

but.....i wouldnt look.

You have obviously not been onto the SANDS forum. Lots of beautiful babies on there.

I think we do whatever we can to cope. Its not a bad thing, and TBH the ones i have seen always look like they are sleeping

YABVU. I suggest you don't look at my profile as I am holding my dd in that photo. Although you can't actually see her properly as she wasn't born at term and I always worry about peoples hurtful comments if they see her pics. Although to me she is perfection.

I am glad your friend is sharing her precious sons photos. His life was important and he deserves to be aknowledged.

Bad taste? It is her child.

My DS was stillborn and when talking with family/friends I have always made it known that we have photos of him. Only one of my friends has ever asked to see them. It meant so much to me that she acknowledged that we had a baby. My mother and sisters haven't even seen him.

She is no doubt desperate to keep his memory alive and struggling with the fact that many people will be vocally wishing that she would just get on with life (I have been criticised for having a photo of me whilst heavily pregnant on display - apparently that is "weird")

Been through it myself, although wouldn't share my son's photos on line (I like to be there when I show people, as I don't like to think of people saying nasty things about him) (the very few people I have shown them to). Two reasons - personally I am not comfortable with it, plus I help run a support website and we have had some people join and use photos they have nicked off the internet to pretend to have had a sb child.

However, I know lots of parents get great comfort in posting the photos of their babies or having memorial websites and I would never question them doing that if it helps.

Privately, my DH and I do refer to the "Dead baby club" (along with a few other 'members' with a similar dark sense of humour) and I am rather pleased there might be a facebook group called 'the dead baby group'!

Err one major difference - Angel babies have no other photos. Others who have died you usually have photos of them happy or smiling to look at and share.

I have my best friends dd here just now, first time Ive ever had her alone and the feelings of jealousy/happiness are overwhelming, so I am going to step away from this thread now as am feeling rather sensitive and don't want to say something I regret.

I have not been through the death of a child myself but have a neighbour who did and she does have a picture of her SB little girl along with the pictures of her other dcs on the wall and I always thought it was a very nice thing to do as it makes her totally part of the family, even if she is not present anymore.