pictures of sb child on facebook? yes/no

[stuckindoors]

er, not sure about how I feel about this and wondered what the general opinion was.

Friend had stillborn child at 36 weeks and has since gone on to have a dd 5months.
In recent months she has joined practically every memorial and sb facebook group, including 'dead baby club'.

Today she has posted photos of the ds on her profile.

Is this in bad taste, or not?....

I am mother to ds 20mths and preg 38 weeks and am trying hard NOT to think about sb's.

I have a photo of my good friend's little girl who was stillborn.

She was as loved and wanted and cherished as my friend's surviving babies.

My friend went through a 12 hour labour after finding out her baby had died to be honest anything she wants to do to remember her is fine by me.

I suppose it gives people comfort to acknowledge their child but grief is something I think is quite personal and posting a picture on fb slightly leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Not everything should be shared.

need to finish, but as someone who had four healthy children who am I to judge?

I wouldn't think about making a judgement on 'bad taste' or not, tbh. I haven't lost a baby. Your friend has, and if she needs to do this, then so be it. If it upsets you, just don't look (I do understand that at your late stage of pregnancy you just don't want to contemplate these things).

I am sorry to have upset anyone or disrespected anyones feelings, it really wasn't my intention.

on refelction i probably should not have asked, and spologise, thanks for the feedback it has shown me that feeling unsure about it is in bad taste and should be more supportive.

I lost my DD last year, she was beautiful to me but had an obvious deformity so I only ever showed her photos to anybody who asked to see them. Maybe your 'friend' has joined the groups so she has somewhere to talk to other women who have been through what she has.

If you don't like the photos then don't look at them

So everyone else gets to post pictures of their babies and children?

But its bad taste to post ones of children who did not survive?

I understand that you are feeling sensitive due to your pg but its really not your business. She isnt doing it to upset you.

Frankly (and I mean frankly) if someone was upset about me talking about my DD because they didnt want to think about childhood cancer I would tell them to fuck off.

I think we tend as a society to be a bit more squeamish these days about death in general - in the bad old days it was probably something that you were very aware of from an early age and therefore perhaps a little more matter-of-fact about. People would have been, I think, much more used to seeing dead bodies laid out, open coffins etc and also infant mortality rates as well as number of stillbirths would have been much higher back then. Think that's probably partly what you're reacting to with feelings of unease and discomfort - we're all a bit more removed from death these days.

Her business really, isn't it?

Oops OP just saw your post - sorry- this topic is clearly closed.

Bellabelly you have it absolutely right - society has been sanitised these days, we just do not 'see' death. Blimey, people look embarassed if you start to cry!
I can understand the OP's unease, the death of a baby is still taboo, I'm sure if you are not used to seeing anything other than a happy bouncing baby, then it can be quite shocking to see a photo of a dead baby or for that matter any dead person. But like many of us angel mums, I suspect her friend has precious few photos of her baby, all to be treasured and if she wants to share, then its up to her. Big hugs to any angel mums here xxx

Just seen seagreen seeing post is closed. Sorry!

I have been through the death of my child and people need to do whatever gives them comfort. Maybe she just wants people to acknowledge her baby. So very glad you are not my friend. It is great to be stuck in an ivory tower isn't it?

OP I wonder if it's time to ask MNHQ to close this thread. I don't think you meant to offend anyone at all, that's obvious, but I'm not sure any more good is going to come from this thread now...

Anyone who has lost a child is very welcome to come over to the special thread in the 'Bereavement' section.

To those of you who are concerned about 'bad taste' or how uncomfortable you feel, please just think...

I have 2 SB babies and I have pics of them in my house. If that makes me sick or weird or whatever then so be it. One thing I have learned the hard way is that you cannot judge if you haven't suffered in such a way.

I don't post my SB babies on fb are there are sickos who steal them. One friend of mine was told by a guy he wanted to do sexual things to her SB baby so there are real sickos out there.

I don't have a problem viewing friends SBs though, in fact feel honoured. These people have NO other pictures.

If they make you scared or whatever, that is your problem. SBs happen to at least 1 in 100 people (another 3-5% with late miscarriages up to 23 weeks) so they happen and it is a fact of life. Why should mums of SBs be made to hide away in case they hurt more fortunate women's feelings?

My heart goes out to anyone that has had a SB, and hope this thread has not upset them.

stuckindooors, sweetheart what possessed you to post about such an emotive topic on AIBU???? really, to even question your friends motives is in very poor taste

Of course the thread is upsetting. Perhaps stuckinivorytower did not THINK that such a stupid and insensitive post would be upsetting to mothers who lost their babies although I find that hard given that her "friend" went through this. My baby died shortly after birth - she could easily have been SB. My heart goes out to mothers of SB babies who read this. I agree, time to lock this thread.